PLEASED TO REAM YOU

Here's a Lazy Sunday Sibhod. I tend to get Nostalgaic on Sundays. Fair Warning.

I dedicate this Sibhod to someone I know who lives in Hipster Hell, who recently passed their bar exam and has become a full-blown juris dokkktor. That's resume gold right there. Maybe You could use Your new powers to help a Man getta J.O.B. Only "problem" is, he's a convicted criminal, and he requires that the ink be dry on the contract before he incurs the great financial risk of Movin' Out. Of course, he's offering $11,500 as Incentive. That's a pretty good incentive, if I do say so myself.

I don't care if this Sibhod is "just going through the motions". If You get bored, read somebody Else's Blog.

Racism/Defamation Alert: I use the word "Jewrun" twice in this post. But nothing about Blacks, as I can recall.

I like the Lifehouse video (whaddya mean which song) because they look SO INTENSE as they're rocking out, even though they are the least-threatening looking "men" on the planet. Just a bunch of boys at a party school who were too laid-back in their partying approach to Wanna Rush A Frat, and so they save all their intensity for their video clip. Especially the big brown bass player.

So the day off started out pretty good, I woke up at a decent hour (unsettling dreams, though), figured out my classes for next term. But things started coming together to make me cripplingly depressed: I realized how I was gonna take all basically first-year classes, and how stupid I was to waste my ENTIRE Bachelors Degree; I tried doing some Production Prep for the Solo Project which was excruciating and unrewarding and very morale-draining: recording the Solo Project is Not Fun At All. So why even do it? Then I saw something online about "life consequences of a DUI" and I felt like this would prevent me from EVER getting a Good Job and Ever moving out of the Parents' Basement because no-one's ever gonna hire a DUI-convict, so I figured maybe I should just blow my brains out and commit suicide right now; and THEN I saw the name of some "Ideal-Intersection" Woman I knew many lifetimes ago and how she and her Nice Personality were In Law School and not Terribly Perturbed, living a Pretty Straightforwardly Successful and Happy, Professional life in The Big City. Then I thought about me being Lonely and how Some pretty clusterfucky experiences with some pretty Trifling Hoes were still "As Good As It Got" in the Romantic Realm. Like, "Yeah, that totally sucked balls, but I've never matched or exceeded the High I got for a few fleeting moments there. That was As Successful-With-Women as I've ever been, and that will probably remain true for the rest of my godforsaken, unemployable life."

And then I didn't want to do homework or even think about The Solo Project or Goddam Women, I just wanted to listen to "The Last Waltz" by some Band, note the unpleasant incident in the Sibhod, and wonder why these unpleasant thoughts had to strike on my Day Off.

So, Duly Noted. These are all classic, textbook Cognitive Distortions, and it would be best to promptly Rebut them, and then go play DQ8 or read HP.

As "Useless" as my degree is, nothing can take my education away from me, and even if it doesn't really Do anything for me, it absolutely cannot Hurt me.

So what if the classes I'm taking are mainly "Intro." There is a substantial number of Career Changers (i.e. people even Older than me) who are also taking Econ 101 and Acct 101 and Management 101 and Marketing 101 and all that bullcrap. At least I'm taking something rather than nothing.

You can have a DUI conviction and still have a good job. George W Bush has a DUI conviction, hahaha. I'm pretty sure there are even Attorneys-at-law who have DUI convictions. And they don't get automatically disbarred. Or maybe they do. Well, at any rate, GWB went to Yale Business School or something. Ted Kennedy had an even more ridiculous drunk-driving conviction with the Ol' Chappaquiddick. So I guess I could still be a rich, successful politician. I just can't be a truck driver. Or ever travel to Bjoergvin, Norway. Or even Chatham, Ontario.

The Women thing is always the most challenging to rebut because it's never Not been a clusterfuck. All I can do is to continue doing my Thang and Adapting My Approach, and one day I will accomplish some good in this dep't. It was simply to-be-expected, that as a Nontrifling Introvert, I was going to have a little more trouble than Avg in this Dep't anyway. So it just takes a little longer time than for the Avg Joe Blow.

The Band is a totally Shithot Band. I used to have a "Mini-crush" on this one young woman who liked The Band also. Too bad she was total bourge and that was like 5 years ago and Real Women don't like The Band so she wasn't a Real Woman, waaah waaaah waaaah, Explanation for Women(tm): "The Band was the name of A Band including Jaime Robert Robertson and Levon Helm and Rick Danko and Richard Manuel and Garth Hudson, and they first became famous playing as Bob Dylan's Band (see Explanation of Bob Dylan For Women(tm)) then later became a successful band in their own right with such desert-island classic songs as "Makes No Difference" and "Ophelia" and "Up On Cripple Creek" and perhaps most widely-recognized, "The Weight", and they had a festive farewell concert called "The Last Waltz" chronicled in the film of the same name by noted filmmaker Martin Scorsese (see Explanation of blabla) and included special guests such as Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, Muddy Waters, et al)"

What Would Dr David D Burns MD Say: That's just nonsense. Plenty of Real Women like The Band. Like ummm. Jane Smith. And Jane Doooeeear. And...BarrrrBraa BilllllingsWorth.

It's kinda sad how everything on the Sibhod is just "Women Women Women Women Women". But it's not really that sad. It's just the way it is. I am fascinated with "Women Women Women Women Women" exactly because "WWWWW" seem so strange and alien and curious and different and fascinating. There were few choice minutes in life where it was actually fun to hang out with Them(r) and/or more. So yeah. I guess it's a Little bit sad, but let's not blow it out of proportion!

Fuck this noise. I'm gonna stop writing right now and lay the hell down.

So I was having a notsogreat day on my day off, just thinking circularly, as I unfortunately sometimes do. The best thing I could do was to Stop the circle and lay down and take a nap after playing some Dragon Quest. The nap did wonders for my mood, although I think I was having violent nightmares during it, complete with me thrashing about in my bed and perhaps even shouting in my sleep. WTFFFF?

Then, at night, I had a terrifying, vivid, hard to wakeupfrom nightmare where my family was being attacked by superpowerful zombies and we were just waiting helplessly for mad zombies to come kill us. THEYYYY'RE BAAAACK!!!!

But somehow I still came out somewhat well-rested, so the sleep did its job in the end.

We cannot be superhuman because we're all just simply regular humans. So what if you're not exactly where you want to be at age 2X. Sometimes just passing the interview and getting any goddam shitscrubbing job is good enough for the time being, and this should certainly not count against one for allegedly "not living up to some [bullshit imaginary] ideal". We must call bullshit where we see it.

This is where I lash out - violently - Against All Women(tm) for demanding an Unreasonable Amount of Success: "Hey! I still have ambition for results! I want results! But don't you [all(tm)] realize you've got to try and fail for a while before you finally try and Succeed in Getting Results?!"

Waaah, waaah, waaah. Adapt Or Sodini!

People are weird, weird weird. Like this guy that shot up Ft Hood. This is interesting for several reasons: He was an Evil Muslim; He was somewhat High Up on the chain of command; He was a Psychiatrist, M.D., high-achieving, 100 years of medical school. AND, finally, he did not do the Suicide Finish like 99.99999% of spree-shooters do. He's still alive. Put all that in your pipe and smoke it.

Not yr typical garden-variety spree-shooter, in other words.

Anyway. Today is better because I'm working like a Bigboy, gettin' paid.

How hard would it be to get You to agree with me that the following behaviours are pretty high-up on the list of "Most Antisocial Activities":

1. Spree-shooting (really, any kind of murder. But especially spree-shooting.)

2. Rape. (Spree-Raping, of course, would be included as a more intense variant of "Rape".)

3. Suicide.

4. Incest.

We'll stick with those for now; to keep it simple. Would you agree that these things are at least somewhat antisocial?

My question is: To what degree - and in what ways - are these SuperTaboos "Constructed/Nurtured/Environmented/Learned"? Because isn't there some tribal preindustrial society who encourages men to butt-bang their sons and everybody is kewl with that? (But, see, that isn't direct, open Violence, see. Apparently it's supposed to be pretty tender and loving. Take your son out to a nice, romantic candlelit dinner before you Lick'n'Bugger his butthole.)

In other words, Rape and Spree-Shooting are only bad because Society and the Liberal Jewrun Media tell us it's bad. If we grew up In A World where these things were the norm, we'd accept it. But aren't they kinda the norm already? No, because people still think they're bad. And they still blink eyes over them.

And it is understandable how mass murder might be considered a universal moral Wrong. I certainly would think so, and thus I would never actually do it.

My point is, I don't think it's that shameful for you to simply entertain the notion iff you have no intention of actually going through with it. Which is why I'm not so shocked by spree-shootings. This is a Natural Human Instinct. We all get it whether we'd ever admit it. Morally, Socially, though, he clearly should have resisted his temptation. Maybe it was Teh Medz.

Didja hear about the young man who dressed up as A BREATHALYZER for Halloween and was then given a DUI for driving with a .15? He's now remorseful for his crime and worries that it may prevent him from reaching his CollegeCareer Goals of becoming A Nurse. Which, actually, it probably will. Nothing left for him but construction, landscaping, restaurants, and more DUIs, I guess. Wonder what kinda Women he's gonna pull for the rest of his pointless, useless, meaningless life.

Mark Your Calendars. On Nov 19 I'm gonna be a Once Again Legally Licensed-to-Drive Maniac. I am going str8 to the movie theatre to see "Antichrist" and "Paranormal Activity." Be there!

I was walking around thinking, like I often do, when I had a Light Bulb Moment: Do You know who actually gets hookers? Ugly Old Men! When you're a decent-looking Young Man, you have absolutely no need for hookers! You just use average, young, attractive trogettes for Your Needs! NSA Hook-Up Action! You only have to switch to Hookers when you're Old and Wrinkled and Fat and Flabby and Nasty!

So here is another Call to my Loyal Readerdom: please put me in contact with those people you know who are just simply "kinda slutty." "Gives it up real easy." I want to "talk" to them. But seriously. It would be really straightforward and really real and economical and ulterior-motive free, and maybe even a little fun. I would use 100% solid protection and I would absolutely never call them or godforbid want to hang out with them. Fuck no. Just slam bam thank ya ma'am, with no complications whatsoever. And then afterwards, they could go to the mall and hoot and chortle and wheeze and mouth-breathe and scratch themselves and buy $1,000 AssJeans and $2,000 Invisible Thongs, and I could sit proudly alone in peaceful solitude in my room playing Dragon Quest, so happy I'm not at the mall. You know this is not a bad idea.

So: Send me your Sluts. I'm being serious here. I'm gonna put this in the "Classifieds" at the end of Every Sibhod until it actually happens. And then I will write about it. Note: because this is intended to be a win-win situation, I won't even verbally abuse the Slut(s) on the Sibhod. I don't verbally abuse people who do me favours. Come On. Unethical. I would be friendly, accommodating, and noncreepy (within reason) before, during and after the actual casual sex act. Come on. It's not as bad as being Raped. Unless, of course You like that kind of thing. I can be a Real Hard Man, too.

I printed out the Top 100 of Fortune 500 Companies. Gonna get me a J.O.B. with Rite Aid Corporate, baby. Unless they refuse to hire Convicted Criminals.

If I ran a High School, I would design the curriculum so that every class prepared the students to Succeed in the Real World after graduation. Trimming the fat. There would be nothing useless in there. No Art. No English. No "Humanities." Just Hard Sciences, Math, Engineering, and Business. And Writing. You need to know how to write. But you don't need stupid fucking Fagriel Fartcia Fartgquez and Faglan Fagndera and Fagve Faggers to teach you how to write. There'd also be some stuff there on how to Communicate Effectively and Manipulate People, and maybe even some Dating and Intimate Relationships classes as well. Just simply teach the kids everything they need to know to Succeed In Life, and put them on a Straightforward Path to Success. Maybe some Personal Finance and Health classes, why not; we want people to be financially and physically healthy. And another class to teach Trogs not to breed Troglets they can't raise up to be productive members of Society.

It just seems like too much trouble to get an old-ass obsolete system like the N64 or Gamecube or the Ps1. But there are some great games there. They should make the newest systems 100% backwards-compatible. Doesn't Wii and/or XBoxlive do something like that, where you can download "ports" of the older generations of games?

Yeah, you can of course download ROMs for your computer and play Final Fantasy 3 and Chrono Trigger and all that shit, but sometimes getting the ROMs to play just does not work. It's a pain in the fucking ass. Can't You just play Final Fantasy 3 and Dragon Warrior 3 on your godsdamn XBox360, maybe with some more-colourful-than-8bit graphics?

Is the game "The Sims" any good? For the Ps2 I would pry be getting the Sims 2. But I won't if it supposedly sucks total balls.

Okay, I guess you cannot compare Suicide to Spree-Murder and Rape, because the violence of Suicide is not Other/Outwardly-Targeted. If I had to take anything off that list, it would hence be Suicide. And Incest. (Incest never really belonged there in the first place.) (Although these things are still pretty damned Taboo, though, you must agree.)

The strongest argument against suicide is that it makes things notoriously unpleasant for the "Survivors" of suicide - i.e., the family and friends of the suicide. The suicider causes them tremendous psychological/emotional Violence, if You will.

Of course, I like making jokes out of all these Supertaboo Topics. Imagine, if you will, the Biggest Loser On The Planet. A Privileged White Narcissistic Pitiful Attention-Seeker. He uses Twitter or a Bulletin or something to message all his friends: "Hello all my friends, just wanted to let you kow, I'm pry going to End It All. Here are my [valid] reasons for wanting to do so:

1. My life is going nowhere and I am helpless to change it

2. that is discouraging

3. I'm too pathetic and gay and weak and lame and beta for the Attractive Gender to like me blablalbablablabla"

And he expects everyone to be all worried, like "NOOOO! Give life a chance! Call a crisis line! Get professional help!"

But instead, there's largely No Response Whatsoever, and the few responses he does get are dispassionately, straightforwardly suicide-enouraging: "Yeah, you do present a rational, valid case for suicide. It sounds like you've thought this through thoroughly, so, suicide does sound like it'd be a good decision for you. Good luck, and good-bye."

And in the end he kills himself. Or tries to kill himself but fails miserably like that one kid who shot himself in the face with a shotgun because he thought Judas Priest told him to, so he was nightmarishly hideous, and then ended up eventually successfully blowing his brains out with the shotgun several years later.

Great sketch comedy here. Waaaay too "Edgy" for the Edgy Educated Hipsters.

Tangent: iMean: The Judas Priest kid looks exactly like you'd imagine a guy who shot himself in the face with a shotgun would look. Except worse. It's kind of like that infamous "NoFace" guy who used to wander around AnnArb/Ypsi. I won't even post a picture of the kid's face because even I don't want to make that much light of it. Although I'd recommend you look him up if you're at all curious. Google James Vance judas priest reno nevada suicide etc.

You have GOT to see that movie "Dream Deceivers." A pretty good doc on that case. I'm surprised it's not more Hyped-Up. They used to play it on IFC all the time way back in the day. It's semiironic, because Judas Priest is the Least "Depressive/Suicidal" Heavy Metal band as it gets; in fact, they're rather Uplifting. And you don't see people sueing openly-suicide-worshipping bands like Shining. Wot gives?

I have to say really douchebaggy assholish things because I don't have a big enough body to be a Physically Imposing Douchebag/Asshole.

I ate some Olga's Kitchen. It was the worlds biggest ripoff. I paid 9 dollars for an "Olga's Original" which I ate in three bites. It was a decent sandwich, albeit ridiculously overpriced. I might as well have just went to zingerman's or something. (to be fair, this 9 dollars included the tip I gave to the person for "curbside pickup", but still. If I get hosed on food like this, I tend to just sigh, promise never to do it again, and I leave it Off the spreadsheet. If you put stuff like this on the spreadsheet it gets too discouraging to keep doing the spreadsheet.

I've got to wonder Why I dislike socializing so much. I'll make small talk for a few minutes, but a few minutes is enough for me. Maybe it could be that, being a Classic Introvert, I just don't Want a Lot of friends, and however many I have already is enough for me. Strangely enough, though, there's still definitely A Want for Non-Platonic Lady-Companionship, though. Is that even a valid Want to have in this day and age? Or am I just that Socially Conservative?

Today was a beautiful day. Probably the last Real Nice day of the year. There was a Veterinary Student Fair at the school, and they had some animal-related stuff going on. The most exciting thing for me was, they set up a little pen with some llamas. I well got-off on the Llamas. They were my kind of animal. They're about as retarded as dogs or cows, but they are friendly, fluffy, and chillaxed. (I do like cats, but I am not a Cat Obsessor. I am annoyed by Cat Obsessors, and I am annoyed when cats [often] act like Assholes.) But I do like Doglike Cats, i.e., Friendly and Cuddly Cats.

You might suggest that I get a Pet to take the edge off The Loneliness, like they suggest for those Seniors at the Threshold Of Death; but the fact is, I don't want the responsibility and cost of taking care of an animal right now. That would annihilate the spreadsheet. But I could totally see myself getting a pet someday when I'm more financially stable. If Convicted Criminals can ever get financially stable, and get a good job and a nice pet.

Well, at least now that I'm a Convicted Criminal, I am a total Fur Magnet for Libraryey Women.

My point before I went-off on that tangent (I've been going-off on a lot of tangents lately) was that the Llamas were pretty chill. Stupid, but chill. As long as they don't bite me and ruin all my clothes, I'm fine with them being Stupid. Owning and taking Care of a Llama, though, would incur untold Costs.

My stupid local Journal Register newspaper ran this story in the "US" section the other day about a man in SC who was convicted of boning a Horse. "Buggery", they called it, not "bestiality." Either way, he had been caught doing it once before, and then the horse's owner set up surveillance cameras and caught him in the act this time. Apparently the horse had got some kind of infection as a result. Apparently the case was the cause of a considerable amount of local ridicule, because bestiality is always funny. Kind of a sad story, though. Both for the horse and the man caught buggering it. Because you could tell that he really did care for the horse. But his physical love for the horse was deemed illegal. I'm guessing he probably would have Bought a horse of his Own to Own, Bone'n'Luv, but he was personally rather financially disadvantaged.

Neil Y and Crazy H's "Live At The Fillmore 1970" (sorta recently officially-released from Neil's "Vaults") is an outstanding live record, especially for anyone who has the slightest bit of nostalgia for their classic Desert Island Album "Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere." That album Darn Near defined an entire era in my life, and Fillmore is like listening to Part 2.0. The instruments sound almost exactly the same, except "live-er". The Talbot/Molina rhythm section is even more ridiculous than that studio album suggested. Danny Whitten was at his pre-heroin best. There has never been, nor will there ever be another album like "Nowhere", and this live show perfectly captures Crazy Horse when they were at the peak of That Special, Once-in-A-Lifetime Sound.

Also, "Dragon Quest VIII" has an outstanding soundtrack, composed by Koichi Sugiyama. The beauty part is, it's performed by some Philharmonic Symphony Orchestra. So it's got that whole sound going on. Phat brass and strings, bro. It's not very "experimental" or "abstract" or "out-there", but it is great, catchy times.

Initial reports of the D-town showing of Bob Dylan And His Band indicate that the show was Solid, but there were no "Surprises." I'm expected Dylannl will have it up within a few days for all Y'all who missed the actual show.

My new thing is gonna be looking for Decent Van Morrison Shows. Van Morrison was even more serious a Lover than he was of a Singer.

Classifieds:

"Antichrist" starts on Friday at Royal Oak, drive me and make 20c per mile.
Make over ten thousand US Dollars to Put In A Good Word For Me and get my Foot In The Door at your Company.
Talk to Your "Easy/Experimental" friends/relatives about the possibility of some Dramaless Fun with the Incomparable Kctmoap. Win Win. Everybody Benefits.

Have a nice Sunday, Monday, etc.