I dedicate this Sibhod a fellow Male Blogger who recently was faced with some valid disappointment'n'stress: I Hear Ya. I Can Relate. Don't Take Shit.
Warning: I use the N-Word and the J-word once apiece in this post. Remember, Loyal Readers, Pure Racism is not "Edgy Hipster Humour".
It can take longer than your entire life to get used to The Real World. For example, in the Real World, people actually listen to and enjoy Country music. Country Radio stations. Red-blooded young girls go berserk over Brad Paisley. Yes they do.
I don't know what it is about those Mondays, but they've been regularly Low-Energy days.
I wouldn't blame you for disliking all my glib, brief statements. It's what passes for "blogging" these days. At least I try to Cram in a bunch of glib, brief statements per twice-weekly post.
The reigning record is held by a blogger who posts one-sentence glib posts at a rate of once every six months. Come on now.
I went ahead and mixed Meijer Diet Rocky Mist with my Cold Semisweet Tea. It was actually not bad. It was just a splash, to give the beverage the slightest bit of carbonation. Likea da tiny bubbles. Good for my overly sensitive stomach.
Still "working on" Lowering My Standards. It's frustratingly difficult. I might just have to cut my losses and conclude that trying to lower my standards is even more excruciating than having ridiculously unreasonable perfectionistic High Standards in the first place. You can't win, what a world.
I wrote a Ruff Draft of my Elevator Speech. Ask me sometime and I'll speak it to you. It's not mindblowing; in fact, I think the whole concept of the elevator speech is stupid, but, somehow, I feel having a shoddy, wristed-off elevator speech is better than having none at all - better than standing there mute in the elevator with decision-making men of power.
So maybe the capitalistic Business World is well-suited to over-the-top Machiavellian / Sun Tzuian Strategies of Power, but I disagree that these strategies should be extrapolated into nonbusiness interpersonal interactions. You know: Crap like "The Game" and "Sociobiology" that insists that every nonfamily relationship must be conducted like a lifelong game of RISK. RISK makes you wish that the remainder of your life was reduced to Right Now. Not a fun game.
You gotta have a Real Great Winning Attitude to merely get by in life. You gotta have a shitload of ambition and a shitload of energy just to escape from your parents' basement. You can't just sorta "skate by" and manage to make enough money unless you Produce Exceptional Results. You gotta bust your ass, you gotta be better than the rest, machine head.
So if you regularly get days where you get Chronically Fatigued, that's hell of working against you. Because you should be be using that time/energy to try to get out of the hole you're in.
For example, there are people out there who are disappointed in me for not living up to my potential. I'm disappointed too. I've been very disappointed for years. And that disappointment has tangibly worked against me and prevented me from making even the Tiniest Steps Forward. But: Right now I am making Forward Momentum, and even though it's slow, I can't accelerate it overnight, and I'm grateful for what I've got.
But anyone who is shaking their heads wondering why I don't "grow up and get a real job already" has to realize thit that thought has crossed my mind so much that it has stopped being effective and started being counterproductive long ago.
So why don't I just go to grad school? Because I'm not a fan of school, and the only reason I would return to school is to get a significant Return On Investment. Meaning I want to get The Cheapest, Easiest-To-Get-Admitted-To-AND-
I admire all my friends who are doing Humanities PhDs and the like, but I would blow my brains out in that sitch. I've been on the extended Blow-My-Brains-Out-Watch for several Solid Years anyhow. Law School would do the same thing to me. And would cost even more. And most lawyers are bigtime drinkers, and I cannot keep it Functional when I drink. I get arrested and have to quit cold turkey. So the options are literally cold turkey, or drink myself to Death. No functional alcoholism in my future. Least of all J.D.-receiving, bar-passing, money-making functional alcoholism.
Medical school would be like law school but even harder. There you cannot possibly function as an alcoholic. That's why Medical School takes a Real Special Kind. You have to honestly get off on the stuff and be a full-blown Workaholic. (Chronic Fatigue does not gel well with all that, either.)
So fuck yeah I got issues. Buckets O' Issues that prevent me from leading a Normal Average Life, really: having normal social and "romantic" relationships, having a Career, ever having a Family of my Own. Yeah, that kinda sucks, because, believe it or not, I'm not against the idea of having a Career or even a Family Someday, and I certainly wouldn't mind some Hot Marriage Action. The challenge is to Accept the issues, and to live as well as possible With them. But it's only after some years that I've begun to get the Issues down to a manageable level. Let alone "Normal."
Apparently all the high school kids are having "sex" and they constantly talk about having "sex" and they're all "sexperts" and they take it for granted that everybody has "sex" all day every day and they don't get nervous when they're having "sex" because they have "sex" all the damn time, it's as commonplace as eating a goddamn meal.
Normal people don't feel "dirty" or "slutty" when their partner jizzes on their face. It's just something ordinary that happens, and then you forget about it.
That is so weird to wrap my mind around, because that kind of "normal" is really far from "normal" for me.
I mean, I'll bone broads and jizz-on their faces - it's not like I'm getting any younger - but that doesn't mean I'll be completely at-ease with it.
The real interesting thing is, despite these Huge Issues that make me So Different from Normal People, there's also a Loads O' things about me that are Quite Normal: I have basically the same dreams and goals as anyone: Decent Career, Decent Relationships, Decent Finances, Decent amount of Inner Equanimity. These things are not far-out or unreasonable.
So even though my Voluntary Celibacy is really, really ragingly weird, I'd say there's actually more about me that's normal than weird. When you stop and think about it.
Eh. I've been really, really antisocial lately, and my license restriction is not helping. Eh. That's the price you pay for drunk-driving like a drunk idiot, though. Crippling Social Anxiety and Isolation.
The only "advice" I would ever consciously give to those in despair is: take pills. Take boatloads and dumptrucksful of peels. Eat a prozac the size of a bowling ball for breakfast every day. So what if it turns you into a Zombie. Zombies don't worry about shit or blow their brains out.
No, I'm not taking prozac, but I'd never say on the Sibhod if I were, anyway. I fully support anyone taking prozac and would have no hesitation to take it myself if I really wanted to. I would not feel weird about any of my friends taking it. If they felt they wanted to take it, I would wholeheartedly support their decision. I say, take a near-lethal fuckload of prozac if you think it might have any possible chance of making you even just the slightest bit happier.
Billions of people take prozac. One out of every two people you meet is taking prozac right now*. Barack Obama is taking prozac**. So what if it's a "Corporate Drug." You can get it for 4 bucks a month at walmart. The patent expired years ago.
So if some poor whining bastard is complaining "Waah Waah! Life Is Hard And Unfair!" I actually do get angry when A Responder "advises" them: "No Shit. Get Used to it, Sack Up, and Shut The Fuck Up." I find that "advice" insulting and patronizing. Yes, life is hard and unfair and that does suck, But the difference between me and that patronizing asshole is, I'm gonna show Solidarity with You, and advise you to Mangia 10 pounds of prozac a day. Now That might actually produce some "Results"!
When one is a Failure With Women - not like me, but like this One Guy I Used To Know - one feels that "All Women" are a Monolithic Everest: "Oh. Lookit that. Those Tapout Dbags who like beating the christ out of each other in UFC are Total Fur Magnets, so All Women(r) must tingle for Violence and Violent Men. And I'm not violent. Bonerz."
But the fact is, no one person can validly represent an entire Community, just like A Black does not speak for All Blacks, and I do not speak for All Men. Unfortunately, sometimes we forget this Fact when talking about The Genders, and a Woman will say: "Women like it when Guys do/are this! :) ", as if All Women and All Men were The Same. This does not produce intelligent discourse.
But the fact is, no one person can validly represent an entire Community, just like A Black does not speak for All Blacks, and I do not speak for All Men. Unfortunately, sometimes we forget this Fact when talking about The Genders, and a Woman will say: "Women like it when Guys do/are this! :) ", as if All Women and All Men were The Same. This does not produce intelligent discourse.
Fact: All people are Individuals, believe it or not.
It was real sad how on the new episode of House, (SPOILER ALERT)
House thought he was going psychotic because he was hearing voices, but it was really Wilson laying in bed talking to the memory of his dead ladyfriend as if she were still there with him. And then House ended up doing the same thing in his own moment of weakness, only he was talking to HIS FATHER WHOOOOAAAAA.
Bottom line: I thought it was a touching, frank and apropos demonstration of Real Painful Grief which I have never seen on TV. Sometimes in real life, people do miss people that bad. Never been there myself, but I can still empathize.
END SPOILER
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have my "Long Day," I.e., I'm occupied for like 12 hours. Although it's really pry more like 8. Still, energy becomes a real issue. I usually have some French Fries for lunch because they are the cheapest food available; but now I'm suspecting that they might be a "Carb Bomb" which drains my energy in the long run. Makes sense. And now I don't feel like eating the French Fries today. I'd almost rather eat nothing.
What I don't understand is how is it $3 for a burger. You can't get cheap food without driving out of here and losing your parking space. The parking lot is a nightmare because enrollment is increasing because everyone's been losing their jobs and trying to get re-educated. Does this mean that once unemployment gets back to normal (6%), we're going to have more Underemployment because everyone's Overeducated?
These are extremely valid questions I'd like to ask an Educated Economist, but the only one of those I know is such an annoying prick I don't even want to think about him.
Also, how fuzzy is the boundary between "underemployment" and "nonunderemployment"? Another valid question. While all economists agree that "Harvard MBA working as an underpaid admin asst" is underemployed, what about a Walsh MBA working as a Fulltime admin assistant but with meager salary and benefits?" ????
As a Prospective Walsh MBA, I want to know these answers! And then do economists laugh and say hahaha we can't agree on that one but we don't really care and we don't need to answer it because we're well-compensated economics phds bwahahahaha??????
So, in short, I have never had such a disparity between 1.interestingness/importance of the Subject Matter and 2. Excruciation/Horribleness of the instructor. He is truly the most horrible instructor I have ever had: Cruel, bitter, nasty, villainous, sadistic, spiteful, wretched. I want to take the next class but I have valid reason to believe he will be "teaching" it, which makes me seriously not want to take it. wtfffffff.
And the stupid instructor probably wouldn't answer my valid question about underemployment, he'd tell me to find the answer on his stupid gay disc. Hello. I'm not looking for a one sentence answer, I'm looking for an educated opinion. He's a real piece of work.
They should put prozac in saltshakers on tables in restaurants and homes so everybody can eat shitloads of prozac with every meal. That's my political platform.
I think I'm going to have to upgrade to the longer cigarette papers. My Cigarette breaks are getting to be overwith too quickly.
"Dragon Quest 8" just keeps getting better and better. Which is not to say it's the greatest thing since sliced bread (or, as The Econ Guy says, "the greatest thing since the Free Market in which you can buy sliced bread"), but, it's finally reached the point where I kinda look forward to playing it.
I recently got my Gold Star on ebay. Was pretty proud about that. Means I have a positive feedback rating of 10.
French Fries. Greasy potatoes. Yeah that might be a chronic fatigue culprit.
So I know this kid who is trying to get into Umich and he's the exact opposite of me in that he's overflowing with Energy and Fully-Articulated Career and Educational Goals In Both Applied Hard Sciences And Softie Humanities, at the Tender Age of 19, but he's like me in that he wants to get out of his house, where the people there don't really "get" him. Because he's kind of A Beautiful Mind (r) type Autistic Genius.
Anyway. Kinda intense situation that sometimes makes me think of the past; wish I could go back to the year 2000, or at least 2003; but he's a good guy, one of my favourite new people, even if his spastic energy can be exhausting.
I can't blame myself for being a "Former" raging alcoholic. When things get real fast and busy, like if I worked in a restaurant, I might feel like a drink. It's a total stress reduction thing. If I worked in a restaurant I would be a total alcoholic.
Libido is related to stress too. Like, positively. But not friendliness. So I'd just go around The Mall getting drunk and beating-off all over people in a rather brusque manner.
People who get hookers are probably smart enough to realize they're getting a "very rough approximation" of A "real" experience.
Well I have several goals today, one of which is to finish my studying. The other is to be a little friendlier than I was yesterday. I got 29 days left. Sometimes Countdowns aren't all bad.
It can be definition hard to think positive thoughts when you've gotten in the habit of thinking negative thoughts for years and years. You really need to be sledgehammered with the obvious, because the obvious is not obvious at all. We all get our little triggers sometimes. Certain topics, issues, people, tropes, concepts, ideas, stereotypes, events.
So my instructor is pure evil, but his class is often interesting. Example: last class we got off on a "tangent" about Health Care Reform (which is, of course, topical to Econ), and one of the friendly classmates who likes to provoke the teacher was talking about medical expenses and how he could not afford to get a blood test and the teacher told him to get on medicaid and the guy said he was rejected from medicaid because even though he was unemployed, something about his "net worth" disqualified him, and he mentioned about how he lost his house two years ago so the teacher suggested he file bankruptcy because if you're really poor you don't have anything to lose from bankruptcy, and the guy responded about potential employers doing credit checks (which of course they do do) and how bankruptcy might prevent him from getting a job in the future; and the teacher was talking about how there's only one cat scan machine in a certain western canadian province and 6 month waitlists and how a guy fell in canada and they wouldn't scan him there so he came to the U.S., immediately got a scan and they gave him Effective Treatment bla bla bla.
I got "Call Of Duty 3" in the mail and started playing it. There is definitely a lot of shooting. I'm having a real tuff time getting used to the controls, though. Right now, I'm simply bad at aiming, and you have to be good at aiming to kill nazis and get anywhere in this game. I just hope my Bad Aiming isn't a symptom of some neurological disease.
Studying for tests bugs me. "I don't want to study more, but I probably studied enough to get a good grade anyway. I hope." Still, this is way preferable to not being Smart.
Good lord. I just won "God Of War 2". Meaning I've just bought 3 games in the past 2 weeks. Think I'll be set in this Dep't for a good long while. And the spreadsheet allows all of this greedy materialism is the best part.
I also started a "Hooker Fund" just for laffs. Put in like 50 cents a week, see how that goes.
I'm semi-mentoring a Young Man who is trying to transfer to Umich, giving him some names and suggestions and mainly moral support (I do NOT give "Advice.") We agree that it is imperative that he get all A's in his classes, and he is obviously smrt enough to get A++++'s in all classes, but his stumbling block is in conforming to the teacher's style/personality, and in teachers giving out ridiculously unfair grades, for example, a D for a 2-page paper for which I could not possibly justify giving less than a B minus / C plus only on one of My very angry, unfair days, and a teacher who is very uncommunicative and unhelpful when you go to ask for help, essentially telling you "you didn't do it right. If you want a better grade, do what I want but I'm not going to tell you what I want".
In other works, cranky, crabby, evil, completely unhelpful teachers that refuse to point you in the right direction when you ask for help, and use "well, College is a Learning environment not a teaching environment" as their Nigger Bullshit Excuse, and then they go out of their way to make it a counterproductive, frustrating, toxic, chaotic, trifling, antagonistic, anti-learning "Learning" Environment.
I agree that students do need to learn how to teach themselves to some extent; I'm just against the fact of instructors being Completely Useless and unhelpful and nemesis-like - Seemingly Intentionally Confusing and Non-Straightforward. Jesus Christ. So this kid was unfortunate enough to get two of those types of teachers this term. I've never had two of those types of teachers in my Entire Life, except when I was in ridiculous catholic grade school. (I went to a ridiculous catholic high school too, but the teachers there were overall pretty good.)
Needless to say, they didn't have this at "The Harvard of the Midwest". Even if a prof was not the "greatest teacher", they weren't so hateful and anti-student and non-helpful. They gave out a simple syllabus that said "This is how your grade in this class will be calculated, and here's the stuff those points come from, and when they are due. Done."
It's simply ridiculous. This is not a matter of being a "Tuff teacher", it's a matter of being sadistic saboteurs to people who are desperate to improve their station in life. It'd be one thing if they were sabotaging the lives of JewrgeBrats. But the people round these parts are literally fighting for their godforsaken lives. And I don't want a real smart kid with loads o' Potential to go to waste and become a bitter old alcoholic or something.
This CNN review of LARS VON TRIER'S "ANTICHRIST" popped up "randomly" in my gmail ads. The description of the movie as "an atrocity" certainly does not lessen my desire to see this long-hyped new film by one of my Personal Cinematic Heroes. Perhaps it's being given wide Amerikkkan release for the Halloween season. If anyone would like to drive me to go see it, please get ahold of me.
I would also really, really like to go see Bob Dylan and His Band at the Fox Theatre on Friday Nov 6.
(Explanation For Women (tm): "Bob Dylan is probably the most famous singer who ever lived in America. According to Wikipedia.com, 'Bob Dylan has been a major figure in popular music for five decades.' Five decades is 50 years. Bob Dylan became famous in the 1960's when he sang about Civil Rights and the Vietnam War, symbolizing flower power and the "Hippie" movement with his songs like 'The Times Are Changing' and 'Blowing In The Wind.' Nowadays Bob Dylan is 68 years old, but still tours with his band on 'The Never Ending Tour' and has released 119 albums, and also a Christmas album.")
Damn I'ma Asshole!
Tickets are $48.40, which is expensive, but, to me, payably worth-it for this show in this venue. If You are of a similar opinion, and would like to pick me up and drive me, I will happily pay You 40 cents-per-mile for Car Costs (which I will generously round-up to total $20 Out-The-Door); Plus a, uh, a to-be-determined portion of the price of Your ticket. Or You could just drop me off, and go to the casino or sporting event or some gay bar or gay show, and then pick me up after seeing Bob Dylan and drive me home. (But in that case, I will not pay for a portion of a ticket which You would not be using in the first place. I would just pay You the $20 for Car Costs.)
Although Bob Dylan is not so popular with the kids these days. Maybe he needs to call it "Bob Dylan and His PBR Dance Party." WHAT A WORLD.
So, no two posts this week, but I'm trying to be busy/productive with stuff. Still thinking about doing a Sibhob Podcast, possibly before the end of the year. It wouldn't have to be perfect. It could be kinda wristed-out. Now I'm just trying to plant the seed in some heads.
Have a good weekend, please try not to be ackin a trifling hoe, and never forget, if you don't want to make $11,000 for your services, note, I'm really not putting a gun to your head and forcing you to get me a Decent Job.
______________
*Not a proven Fact.
**Ibid.
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