GROW THE BEARD OF SORROW

Forewarning: I am eternally grateful to live in the Land Of The Free, where countless men have fought and died to bring me the freedom to say such things as I am about to say.

As we're all well-aware by now, I've been faced with a spate of The Summer Anger, and if I don't channel it into Teh Wrtng then I will have a psychotic break. Today I'm dubiously proud to bring You The Most Misogynistic SIBHoD Ever.

It's also rambling, repetitive, and generally lazily written, but I just don't give a fuck, because/and I'm an Angry White Man who says "fuck" a lot.

If All The Women in the world have not yet been offended/appalled at the SIBHoD yet, they surely will be now.

So there's an grrreat savage love this week:

Retard: I'm a 23-year-old straight female. I have been friends with this guy for the past two and a half years and would like to continue. Problem is he gets jealous (because he has the hots for me, but I'm not interested) and a bit distant whenever there is a boyfriend/date in the picture. I'm not sure if I should approach him about this or not.

Just Friends Jealousy

Dan: Maintaining a friendship with a man who has the "hots" for you when you're not interested isn't kind, JFJ, it's emotionally sadistic. Maybe it's thoughtless sadism on your part, but it's sadism nonetheless. Because for as long as you're hanging out with him, JFJ, he's going to delude himself into thinking that he has a chance with you. And every time a potential boyfriend appears on the horizon—someone for whom you do have the hots—he's going to realize, once again, that he's a fool and, perhaps, being played for one. (How many times has he helped you move?)

Your friendship, while a marvelous treasure under most circumstances, is not a consolation prize for this guy. It's a torment. He doesn't have the strength to cut you out of his life—something that, if he's reading, I would strongly advise him to do—so you're going to have to do it for him, JFJ. If you don't, well, you can't claim that your sadism is thoughtless anymore. It's overt, conscious cruelty—"mean girl" bullshit. And if you're not careful, Garfunkel & Oates will write a song about you.

The comments go on to make it painfully clear what a polarizing issue this is.


Arseholish Oversimplification: All the women think he's being too harsh, all the men say he's right on.

Yeah, the guy bears responsibility too. But you know what? It's a fuckload easier to break off an Unrequited Throbbing Libido when you're NOT the person who's infatuated.

Continuing it when you know what's going on and you're the person holding all the power is always cruel, even when you don't know it. Now, all of us have been on both sides of that dynamic at some point in our lives, but that doesn't make what Dan said wrong.

Here's a fun, smart, nonobnoxious girl I'd like to be "Friends" with:

...As a reasonably cute nerdy girl who gets along with nerdy, often lonely men best, I'd halve my already meager pool of friends if I dropped every guy I knew who I suspected had a thing for me.
(And no, my habit of befriending lonely nerdy boys is not out of some sort of self-centered sadism. I just naturally attract myself to people who like explaining the rules of Magic the Gathering to me and helping me make a D&D character.)

My take is: so what if you'd have to "halve" your friend pool. That would be the RIGHT thing to do.

OOOH I REALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME THAN TO TEACH SOMETHING TO A SELF-IDENTIFIED "CUTE NERDY GIRL WHO ATTRACTS HERSELF TO NERDY LONELY BOYS" OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO TUTOR U THX.

The commenters show deep disagreement in what a friendship fundamentally is.

As one commenter (probably a man) reasonably defines a friendship:

Dan was right on with JFJ. It's not a matter of "bitches be all manipulative" or "guys are SOOO deluded." JFJ wrote to Dan because she was upset that a guy she KNOWS has a romantic interest in her acts distant when she shows romantic interest in someone else. No one gets to have it both ways.

It's unrealistic for her to expect him to be all "DO TELL!" about her latest boyfriend when she knows he's waiting for her to finally declare her undying love for HIM. Sure, he's a fool for waiting, and that's his choice. But he didn't write in. She wrote in, pissed he wasn't happy to hear about her fucking other dudes.

If she wants to maintain a friendship (which ideally is a mutual enjoyment of each other's company on equal terms) with this guy, she'll have to realize he's going to fade out of the picture whenever she has a romantic relationship going on. Expecting him to "suck it up" is indeed inhumane on her part (even if it's equally foolish on his to keep waiting).

And yes, it's all so painfully 20's that I just want to go back in time and shoot my college self in the face.

Also in a similar vein:

I can see where a woman can use a man and not really give anything back. (I'm talking about friend stuff like does she give him a ride if his car is in the shop, buy him lunch, or is just a fun person to be around?)

But, I can also see where a woman is not using him, but he thinks if he sticks around long enough, she'll eventually date him. If he's not getting anything from the friendship (would he be friends with her if he was married?), then he and she should just go his separate ways. In that case, he's not being her friend. And if he's being a jerk to her, she should ask herself why she's his friend.

Likewise, if she is only using him to build her self esteem and would be upset if he dated another woman (but doesn't want to date him herself), then she's not being a friend, either.

The sexual attraction is not really the important part. What they should ask themselves is what they get out of the friendship and what they put into the friendship. It should even out. If it doesn't, that tells them something.

To my pleasant surprise, both of those comments were written by WOMEN. Wow. I was honestly really impressed by that. All Women should send these two women thank-you cards for bringing up the Average Level of Respectability of All Women a Shitload.

I know I'm a "social conservative", but I honestly believe that "friendship" and "unrequited throbbing libido/lust/infatuation/'feelings'/wanting-'more'" are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

Dan was probably harsh/"savage" in using the term "sadism", because, if she's a "sadist", then he's most definitely also a "masochist"; also, what's going on in this "friendship" is probably largely unconscious. She doesn't mean him any harm. But she is being painfully naive and immature. Just as he is, too, in his delusions and his hopeless hope.

If she's conscious enough to be aware there's a problem ("he likes me. I don't return his liking. So WHY CAN'T we be friends?! I can't figure it out!"), then.....

How does she not see that her question contains the direct answer openly on its damn surface? It's amazing she even sent it in. These people cannot be "friends" because a friendship does not permit one-sided pining. If this were a fly-by-night, simple, lusty infatuation, the guy would have gotten over it in a little while, and then they could be friends. But not when this has been going on for 2 and a half years.

The naivete on her part is Appalling.

But he's no angel either. I'm not standing up for him. He should do the right thing and move on; cut her out of his life. But, as that one commenter said, it's a lot harder for the crusher to do the cutting than the crushee. His naive hoping is way more torturous than her naivete/blindness in failing to understand the clear reason why he feels uncomfortable whenever she gets laid.

Yes, he IS a total Nice Guy. And I also definitely don't appreciate the "Ex-Nice Guy" who tells him to "discover his inner asshole" and win her over with booze and being an asshole to her:

The question with regards to JFJ is WHY she doesn't have the hots for him. Is it because he's just plain not attractive, or because she doesn't find certain aspects of his personality appealing for her?

If it's the former, then leading him on is a right bitch move, and the only way out is a breakup. But if it's the latter, there are a couple other endings, which I offer as a former "friend who had the hots for girls who didn't have the hots for him" guy.

One is the status quo is maintained until JFJ grows out of her desire to date jerks and jumps into bed with the guy who has offering the healthy relationship for 2.5 years. Alcohol can take the edge off the initial hookup.

Another is that the friend gets frustrated on his own, starts treating JFJ less well, and triggers her romantic desire as a result. As I got older I realized this was much faster than waiting for the girl to grow up. And a lot easier, once you accept your inner asshole.

This sickening "advice" does nobody any favours; It's just as obnoxious an extreme as the ladies who don't seem to "get it".

Very few people, men or women, "get it", and no amount of advice is ever going to help them.

Classic situation. He needs to run for the damn hills. Or get her sloppy drunk and just stick it in her and jizz-on her passed-out face and get it over with already.

I'm not going to take sides. They're both idiots. Although I think she's more of an idiot because she's even more unclear on What To Do, because she wrote the damn letter! The Guy already knows what to do, he's just too scared and gay to actually do it.

I luv this commenter:

Not to mention, Dan, us ladies are all too used to being crushed on by every straight male coworker, classmate, acquaintance, and friend we have. This is precisely why we don't write off a friendship the second a guy shows signs of romantic or sexual interest. We'd have to wear burkas and be homemakers to avoid making male friends who might end up being attracted to us.

"OHHHHHH GOOOD FOR YOUUUUU"

(I wish I could make than font EVEN BIGGER)

(Thanks to an Anonymous Reader, who informed me that the quote originator was Ragin' Christian Bale and NOT Larry David)

Well, then you should be a damn expert, then, in tactfully and successfully helping to defuse the sexual tension.

Lemme tell ya sister, I hear ya. I'm one of those guys that's so cool I just naturally have a ton of female friends, and, naturally, many of them crush quite unrequitedly on me. They get rather upset when I date/dispose of one beautiful hardbody after the other.

I don't get it. Because I want to remain friends with all these people who have this underlying tension/subconscious struggle with me. Because I don't want to lose half my friends. And semiconscious struggles and one-sidedness are, to me, the foundations of a chill, egalitarian, mutually-rewarding friendship.

There's this annoying semi-stereotype (SexualEconomic Differential) that women get an unlimited Supply, and Men have an unlimited demand: Women have scads of suitors throwing themselves at the women's feet, while men get rejected and rejected again and again, and have to settle for what they can get: the "Table Scraps."

"Social Scientists" claim people in a "relationship" are often of similar attractiveness, but you're never surprised to see "relationships" where the man is significantly more attractive than the woman. Unless he's a filthy rich douchebag.

Or how about the annoying, retarded girl who's in "pot and board sports":

sigh. so i've been JFJ about a million times. i'm a cute girl who likes board sports and pot (k.c.t.m.o.a.p.: BARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRF), it sort of happens. am i a mean girl and emotional sadist and overtly cruel to every guy that i like being friends with even though i know that i know he is hiding a crush on me? do i have to cut off every friendship as soon as i start to suspect there might possibly be an underlayer of harry-met-sally-ness?

PUH-LEEEZ.

I hate "Girls who have lots of guy friends." Cause they write stupid, naive, RETARDED shit like all this, and they're NEVER faced with the hard, character-building choice of having to Grow the hell up.

To be fair and balanced, though, I hate Nice Guys who won't say what they mean. I'm just surprised that what they mean isn't SO OBVIOUS that they don't even need to say it. If I were the girl, I would have picked up on it YEARS ago.

Maybe that's just because I'm an exceptionally good "people person" and so extraordinarily good at "reading signs."

So there's my Two Minutes Hate for the day.

People like this are too stupid and annoying to even exist, let alone have friends.

As Ariel Schrag might say, DEFINITION FRIENDSHIP is when there is NOT some kind of DIFFERENTIAL going on. Yeah, most times the differential is not intentional, conscious sadism, but it's just plain immature and naive to think it doesn't exist or that it simply goes away. It doesn't.

There was a great hilarious line in there: "Nice Guys are just the same as the Douchey Predators they claim to despise, only less confident and less well-dressed.":

2) If it pisses you off when your female friends date guys you label predators instead of you, maybe you should consider your own behavior. If you're sniffing around a woman, acting like you actually care about her while you just want in her pants, trying to use guilt and moments of weakness to eventually trick your way into her bed, that makes you just as bad as any of those predators. It makes you a scavenger; i.e. a predator with less confidence and inferior dress sense.

DEFINITION WIN.

Another thing I don't understand at all about Nice Guys: how can they keep their feelings secret for years and years and YEEURS? If they're so "close" with their "Friends", then, it's only reasonable that at least once they would have gotten drunk together; and then the truth, beautifully awkward, would have come out once and for all.

I Guess Maybe Nice Guys Just Don't Drink.

I get-off on this topic so much because I actually used to be that pathetic loser who was too pussy to "sack up." But with the help of Anger and Alcohol, I finally became man enough to solicit my own rejection(s) unequivocally and outright, thus ending the proverbial chapter, and moving on with life. There's really no other way.

At the current juncture, though, I have such little respect for women that I'm fortunately spared the embarrassment of even becoming faux-"friends" with them in the first place. I no longer have the ability to drum-up interest in stupid slutmachines.

They're less humans and more dick-sucking'n'fucking machines. (Not that men are ultimately much better.) And you just can't be "friends" with machines.

But enough of this noise.

I think all the prozac is making me mad. It happens. Lots of these "spree shooters" have a bad reaction to their prozac and that's why they snap in a spree of violence.

I'm still angry. Still hateful. Still haven't been sleeping all that well. And I haven't even been Drinking!! I'm just generally Angry. As such, I've become increasingly fascinated in Anger: from whence does it come? What does it mean?

Some book I was reading suggests that anger stems from frustration and helplessness; and that it can mask feelings of fear and hurt. Sometimes you get angry at your libido, and you get angry at the world: "why can't I get what I want? why doesn't my effort pay off? why can't I find or even know what I want anymore?" OF course there is a feeling of stagnation and being "stuck", and of course this leads to Anger.

I'm been doing semi-manual labour for the past couple of days (lifting, moving, sweating like a stuck pig) and my libido has shot through the roof. I almost want to F everything that moves. I wonder if there's any correlation there. I wouldn't be surprised.

I had a libidinous dream the other night. It was pretty powerful. I had a naked woman on top of me, I was fondling her buttocks not-so-gently, and we were about to do the deed. And I actually wanted to. I was ready to go. I wasn't thinking "Aw shucks, this sucks, I wish this were someone else, I'd rather be drinking alone", I was thinking, "ALL ROIGHT!!" And that was pleasant. Then I woke up feeling libidinous with no real way of channeling it.

So I jerked-off and jizzed-on the $500-jeaned buttocks of the first slutty albanian teen I saw.

It's been a test of will to even play PS2 anymore. Kingdom Hearts is moving sooo slowly that I'm rarely motivated to play it; (keep getting killed in Agrabah) although I've been thinking about busting out Silent Hill 2 again. I still have to finish the mini-episode!

Song O The Post:

Dark Tranquillity: "Lethe"

This oldie-but-unparalleled goodie popped in my head a couple days ago with absolutely NO point of reference, and it refuses to leave. Dark Tranquillity were one of the first "Swedish Metal" bands I got into, manybe about 10 years ago, and, like many old-school longhairs, I believe "The Gallery" to be THE DEFINITION DT Album. (I've enjoyed all their work, though, and wouldn't be surprised to delve back into them, as I've regretfully neglected them since about 2001.)

They're basically a cooler, much more Real, much more likable version of In Flames, if I was forced to reduce them to the lowest common denominator. It's kinda insulting to compare them to In Flames; but they do have a shared history. They even flip-flopped singers back in the day.

(In 2002 I saw IF and DT together in concert because I'm definition hell of cool.)

"Lethe" shows their trademark guitar-tandem skeelz, but, more significantly, these skeelz are tastefully restrained in favour of classic, hooky Hitmaking. The motives (music term) are retardedly infectious, especially for a mid-paced song (hard not to be boring!), sincerely, beautifully evocative (really real), and the lyrics are all about death and suicide and life-hating without sounding disingenuous one single bit. WIN.

The New,Young Metal bands just can't and won't do it like this. Just another reason I'm not much of a fan anymore.

I, like Jews, am terrible at and have never spent much time doing physical typa work. The most physical I got was painting houses, and that made me so emo I quit in the face of all reason. However, I'm still qualified to say that such work does build character, and everybody should have the privilege to do a little bit of it.

The problem is doing the full-time week (which, in this line of work, is often 60+ hours) after week after week. It becomes obvious why many manual labourers also are alcoholics and heroin addicts. Or, at best, at least heavy, heavy, heavy MJ users in a constant state of stupefaction.

My living end is exactly nearly 20 or 30 hours a week. You know. This is Just Enough to get a decent work-out, burn calories, not get fat, and not break your damn back and make you sore like a pack mule / beast of burden.

Just as importantly, such work is a healthy outlet for anger, and, I suspect, can restore a man's libido.

The tragic thing is, there's absolutely no such thing as a 20-hour-a-week manual labour job. And the 60+ hour-a-week physical job will only destroy your body and make you more angry.

In my secret ideal world, we would drop the stigma and everyone would halfway bust their hump 20 hours a week. ESPECIALLY the privileged types you do not associate with such things: Jews. PhDs. Lawyers. Pretty Women. And then for the other half of the week, they could do their other primary "intellectual" sitting-down work.

However, this would involve such an unrealistic redefinition of the entire concept of "work" that it could obviously never happen.

The concept of "entitlement" is completely justified, because All Women "give it up/out" to All Men. Except You. So it only follows naturally that you're entitled to a piece of that, too. Because everyone else has already gotten at it. Except You.

How can you possibly respect someone who sucks and fucks as many cocks as the Average Attractive Woman?

Yes, There certainly IS an "upper limit" to the number of cocks you suck and fuck! A point of no return! There is a very real and significant moral, psychological (and physical!) difference between a woman who has had 100 cocks in her (aka The Average Number for the Average Attractive Woman) vs a woman who has only had a mere 10 cocks in her (aka classwar's preferred Woman: discriminating; choosy; healthy, respectable/ful self-image.)

Man comforting "sad" woman: "It'll be all-right, dear, just go out and suck another dick and you'll feel better in no time."
Yes, it really does work!


"So how many dicks have been in You? I'm sure you've lost count. So what does it matter to get one more in You?"


This is why Men are Rightfully, Justly Entitled to Sex. (I.e., "Entitled" need not have any negative connotation.) Because All Women give it out all the time to everyone Except You. For free. And if you're not getting any because you send out a "creepy/angry" vibe when you first meet people...well, that's just NOT a valid excuse on Women's part.

Why? Because you still have a cock, and some sleaze/douchebag is going to have his cock inside that woman soon. Why NOT You? Because You're "Creepy/Angry"??!

SORRY. NOT BUYING IT.

There's actually a lot of attractive women out there. They're absolutely good for a fuck. But so, so few Attractive Women meet even the lowest bare-minimum standards of Dateability. That's why people don't really date. Because barely anyone's dateable to begin with. Only good for a fuck.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give You the Greatest Oxymoron of All Time:
"COOL WOMAN".

To be fair, not a lot of men are Cool either. But Men are (dis?)proportionately cooler. This is why many men sincerely wish they were Gay, because it would save them a lot of hassle: because guys are cool and girls are gay.


There's a Malt Beer out there which even trumps Steel Reserve: CAMO BLACK. A Staggering (ha, ha) 10.5% Alcohol. (Then there's Regular Camo, which is in the same 8ish neighborhood as Steel Reserve.)

Camo Black makes Steel Reserve taste like an Aficionado's Beer, and its Graphic Design is far inferior.

Verdict: This is truly a Pop for the Big Boys.


It's understandably intimidating to others when you are both The Angriest and The Most Misogynistic person you know. It's also, surprisingly, an intense cross to bear for the Conscious Individual, too.


Disney Channel is one of those channels, like ESPN, that you can literally watch ALL DAY EVERY DAY. "Sonny With A Chance" is also a good show which deserves some SIBHoD Proppage. And Demi Lovato and Tiffany Thornton are genuinely pretty girls.

The beauty part of Disney Channel World is that, in that fantasy world, the girls suck waaaaaaaaay fewer dicks (i.e., a non-disgusting amount of dicks) than they suck in Real Life.

Women: "Classwar, what the hell is your problem with women? SO MANY Red Flags are going up herre."

Classwar:

"I don't necessarily HATE women. And I don't get overly angry/excited about women. That would imply that I even care. And that, I suppose, is the thing: I just DON'T CARE about women, at best; and, at worst, they simply disgust me. Kind of a similar reaction you'd get walking by a Dumpster In the Sun, filled with maggot-teeming rotten meat. Revolting; Repugnant. Disgusting.

I'm not particularly fond of anything about them except for their sometimes-attractive bodies, and I really have no other use for them. I find their company excruciating and their utter lack of Realness Appalling.

It is kinda amazing how egregiously All Women FAIL at Keeping It Really Real, or even just keeping it Kinda Real. If you want a completely fraudulent, socially bankrupt experience, spend time with A Woman. And, to complement your excruciation, the only lasting 'reward' you'll get is some disgusting, pus-dripping sex disease.

Fucking Filth."

So Goatwhore plays solos now. They have gone from a strict No-Solos-Ever Policy to having solos in nearly every song. This is huge noticeable difference on their new album. I think it works. It was more of a "stretch" to have Zero Solos - i.e., the New Solos fit in totally naturally, and, as such, GW keeps it even more Really Real. There seems to be little "fluff" on their new album and I might end up liking it more than their last album, "A Haunting Curse," which, while still good, was probably my least favourite GW album - because it has a couple boring songs on it.


I'm not angry/hateful at/of humanity so much as I am disappointed in them. They have the potential to be much, much more than the ugly animals they so often are.

If there were no women in the world, I'd still complain about how awful Men are. Make no mistake: I'm a total misanthrope. I do not like men either. It's just that women take the definitive edge in being noticeably even worse than men.

Although: We could make a strong case that it's actually men who are to blame for women being worse than men; i.e., so men are actually the worst.

But again, it's hard to care that much at all when the best you're gonna get is a fucking shit sandwich anyway.


Another thing that's real stupid about women is not only do they have a ton of celebrities on their "follow" lists, but they're really stupid, "hip/scene", B-list celebrities and faggoty comedians like andy samberg or any god damn "small" celebrity you can think of who's just really annoying, faggy, and outright UNCOOL.

How about liking something Cool for a change? Oh no, that'd be too hard, because it might actually make you Actually Cool. And you know the deal with "Cool Women." (see above.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm done. Have a safe 4th, and try not to associate with any women. Remember: it's impossible to respect somebody who has had THAT many dicks inside them*.










_______
* When anyone - man or woman - has had hundreds/thousands of sex partners, it's impossible by the laws of probability to emerge without some kind of disgusting sex disease. The more Indiscriminately Promiscuous you are, the more likely you are to have a Sex Disease. Indiscriminate Promiscuity is also Indicative of Deep, Irreversible Psychological Disorders that make Raging Anger and Alcoholism look rather middling in comparison.