"kikes aren't whites"

I'm sure using racist hatespeech in the title of the post will only gain me more feed subscribers!

Trust me. I know whatchya reallyreally want!



I've posted this one before, but the stuff I post is often so awesome that I can totally getawaywith posting it twice. In fact, I probably should post it twice, because it's so obviously awesome that it slips under the public r.a.d.a.r. the first time around. Figure that one out!

This post is of wildly fluctuating quality, and is a good stream-of-consciousness of my Winter Mood Swings.

I've been so somnolent lately that I can't even stay awake for the 9pm-Thursday new episode of The Office. I watch "My Name is Earl" then fall asleep during "Kath and Kim." After a 2 to 3 hour afternoon Nap, no less!

I like when dreams are not simply "weird for weird's sake" and are at least somewhat entertaining, interesting, and/or fascinating.

I often dream of this town where I used to live and get edumacated. The version of the town remains 1. pretty consistent from dream to dream 2. markedly different from the actual town. In other words, it's an official "Dream Version" of the town.

Last night I got to explore the Dream Version a bit more. Here I found myself on "the west side" of the dream city, which, in comparison to the Liberal, Progressive, Bourgeois Fantasyland of the Actual University Town, was more Poor, Black, and Real.

I staggered down the sidewalk in the drunken way that you walk in dreams. I passed numerous Angry Young Blacks, who were muttering angry things to themselves and using the words "Sheeit" and "Mufucka" alot. I minded my own business and tried not to get mugged.

Ok, the dream itself was kinda fun and interesting, but I'm in a blase mood now and can't really describe it in a fun or interesting way. Still feeling very lethargic. There is absolutely no way I'm going "out on the town" tonight (friday?). I have been extremely antisocial lately, even by my standards.


www.marriedtothesea.com

MTTS is a comic I greatly enjoy. Fortunately they've gotten with the times and have an rss feed now, so one can get the funnies delivered to their reader on a daily basis.

Big Question: If Emily Osment were Dating Huge Faggy Douchebags, like Miley Cyrus is, would I like her as much?

Probably not. She'd still be cute, but it would tarnish some of her appeal. Part of the reason I like her is because she's not huge in the Celeb Gossip Scene, and/or widely-known for being nymphomaniacal for Idiotic Gays. If she's getting SHOT-ON by D-bags, I don't even wanna know about it. And I'd like to keep it that way.

What am I really trying to say, though? Am I placing that infamous horrendous, double-standardish, patriarchal premium on virginity and "innocence"?

Kinda, but not completely. Some people find brash, brazen, overt, lip-smacking sexuality appealing. Some people don't. They prefer "cute" to "sexy", and welcome "discretion" as courteous. Or, as An A.F.C. might say:

"It's already a given that Any Given So-and-So's been Shot-On by Huge Douchebags, and I already Understand and Accept that. Fine. I'm just simply saying it's none of my business, and I really don't want to think about it. It's a turn-off. To me. Now, where's my Mountain Dew?"

Also: Emily O is not the Stereotypical Girly Girl. She's a bit of a tomboy, wears "funny/weird" clothes, occasionally acts "nerdy", doesn't publicly date huge douchebags yet, and is sometimes clumsy (while still having some of the best dance moves Evar). These are more Salient Selling Points for her extraordinary Cuteness - that she, in some ways, breaks out of the Gender Box and "differs" from the "norm".

I should be much more concerned with my Career than with Stupid Emily Osment. Things are out of balance. Ideally, I seek a Balance: I believe The Career and Getting Along With People are equally important. (Compare: what's been in vogue in Teh Modern Era is the belief that The Smrt Thing To Do is to: Cutthroatishly, Obsessively, Machiavellianly Advance your Career, and treat People as Disposable Sex Dispensers, and become a Sociopath in general wrt Your Social/Human Life. That, to my old-fashioned mind, seems to be tragically out-of-balance.)

The bottom line is, unfortunately, it's gonna take a few years to advance my career to the Next Level, because of a Complete, Abject Lack of experience, education, and network(s). The Big 3-0 is terrifyingly close.

In The Woods is still aeons ahead of their goddamn time. In 10 years, people will love In The Woods even more. I will love them even more. They're one of the few bands I don't hate, and I've only come to like them more over the years. The Pink Floyd comparisons are not out of line. ITW has that same "it factor". They're larger than life, they're Beautifully Magickal, and they hit you equally hard on both the physical and the metaphysical levels. They don't have as many fans as some dinosaur band like, e.g., Opeth, but their fans are die-fucking-hard-till-death. You can count me among them. I would totally wear an ITW shirt with pride.

"Karmakosmik"


(they also do a Killer Cover of King Crimson's "Epitaph", fer chrissakes!!!1)

What 4 dvd's did I just recently add to the Permanent Collection?

1. "Dancer In The Dark"
2. "The Man Without A Past"
3. "Manderlay"
4. "Happiness"



I defy you to name ANYOne you Actually know who has ANYOne of those movies!
L337ftw4g31111

The only bad thing about becoming more and more kewl, is that it just gets more and more lonely at the top. SNIFFLZ



The only thing one can do in this situation, of course, is to continue to Outdo Oneself:::

Kenneth von Classwar stepped out of the taxi with his khaki shorts, black socks'n'black reeboks, squinting at the incredible california sun. The driver generously retrieved Classwar's suitcase from the trunk and Classwar gave him a tremendous tip. "See you later, Jose."

Classwar looked at the house before him and whistled to himself quietly. This place was, without a doubt, solid gold Ta-ta's. The quarters for "the help" were probably 6,000,000 times nicer than anything he could have ever asked for.

He rang the doorbell, no answer; began knocking steadily on the door; no answer. Well, I guess if they didn't need someone to open doors they wouldn't have hired me, he thought, as he cautiously opened the unlocked door and dragged his suitcase inside.

This was odd. There was not a soul to be found. Although it was really too nice of a day to stay indoors. Is every day really gonna be this seasonable, Classwar wondered. He heard the sounds of music and laughter in the distance, and walked through the spacious living room only to find Robbie Ray and Jackson on the deck.

Robbie Ray was standing before a mammoth grill, wearing an outrageous chef's cap and an apron splattered with BBQ sauce. He swayed back and forth to a loretta lynn song, whistling, and slathered large hunks of meat with sauce from a brush. Jackson was polishing up a surfboard.

Classwar couldn't believe his eyes. It was gonna take a while before the reality of this new life began to sink in.

"Hoo boy, getta load of that brisket!" said Classwar, trying to announce his arrival as casually as possible.

Robbie Ray continued to slap on torrents of sauce without turning around.

"You betcha bottom dollar son, just hold yer horses for a minute and purty soon we'll be basking in the glory of Robbie Ray's World Famous Beefstravaganza-Extra-Ordinary!"

Classwar turned to Jackson quizzically.

"Dad gets into his own Beefy La-La Land at times like this. Believe me. He couldn't see ya even if you were the ghost of hank williams."

"I understand. Sometimes the beef just speaks to you."

"Especially to him. Yo dad, why dontchya say howdy to our guest?"

Robbie Ray finally glanced over his shoulder and took a double-take at the sight of Classwar.

"Well pull my niblets, if it ain't the newest hand on the Stewart Funny Farm! Howdy there, son!"

Classwar offered the firmest handshake he could muster, only to find Robbie Ray had a pretty respectable grip himself.

"Kenneth von Classwar, at your service, sir."

"Now son, we ain't gunna have any of this 'sir' nonsense, you just call me Robbie Ray."

"Sure thing Robbie Ray, and you can call me honoured. But srsly, you can call me Kenneth, or Classwar, or von Classwar, or Kenneth von Classwar, or k. von c., or just k.c., or whatever you darn well please."

"Kenny Classwar, the man of many mysterious names, uh?"

"Heh. Well. Vaguely Mysterious. Ominous, if you will. Chilling, even."

Robbie Ray laughed, slapped Classwar in the chest playfully and said to Jackson

"Looks like we got ourselves a real old-fashioned highway robber here, huh son?"

"Now Robbie Ray, I'll have you know, I am a man of the Uprightest Moral Quiddity, honest injun, and I'm just here to help you keep your happy home the verysame way."

Robbie Ray laughed and threw his arm around Classwar's shoulder.

"I'm just bustin' yer chops, son! I cain't tell ya how happy I am to have you around. And I think you'll find out purty soon that us Stewarts are a purty friendly bunch, ain't that right, Jackson?"

"Can't take the hill outta the hillbilly, pop."

"Well, If that bbq is any indication, you-all are gonna have a heck of a time gettin' me out of this place..."

--

You can make your jokes about "classwar finally really going off the Deep End this time", but You don't even know where this one's going.

BOLT

I love a good animated feature. It was a given I was gonna see this one. I unfortunately missed the 3-D version, which I've heard was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

The "2-D" version was indeed entertaining, but nothing earthshattering. Fun to watch, etc, but I was starting to get kinda bored. And Miley C didn't have as big a role as I would have liked. This one will not be permanently remembered in the canon of recent Disney animations, like, e.g., "The Incredibles." But it's still a decent movie to take your bastard idiot kids to. I was able to correctly guess the voice-actor for "Dr. Calico" before viewing the credits...canYou?

RONALD J. DIO SONG O' THE POST



Jack Gay and Tenacious Gay made it a little too "cool" to like Dio, but the guy is/was still Ultimately Unfuckwithable.



The Nyquil Hangover isn't 100% as bad as the Alcohol Hangover in that you don't Physically Feel Like Total Garbage, but you do feel Vury lethargic and sleepy and grouchy and nihilistic and empty and blargh. This can really give you a Violent Mood Swing such that one day (thurs) you're merrily pumping yr fist to DIO, and the next (fri) you're lurching around to Cat Power's "Interpretations"-of-Songs:




Katatonia is also a Choice choice.



You "reminisce" about the worst kind of Nostalgia. And you get that horrible sense of Entitlement. That's the kiss of death. It's bitter and passive-aggressive and sarcastic and self-pitying and absolutely ungrateful and pathetic. You feel resentment and jealousy towards anyone who's ever "been able to" appease anything ever.

At times like this, it's good to eat an entire pizza by yourself, play some RPG's, and go to bed way-early. These days, even FantasyFiction won't save ya. But your Career might. So go back to WORK, because WORK is the only thing that really matters.

Yeah, the obvious answer is that my Resume and Cover Letter just aren't Strong enough, and I can't seem to strengthen them enough on my own. But I don't feel like getting help with that right now. I feel like eating an entire pizza and going to bed early. You ever get those kinda days? "I'll work on it later."


This is why I'm a MONIST. I don't buy that bullshit that says you can cleanly cleave mind and body in two - separate the physical and the mental. No. They're Intimately Intertwined. If you feel mentally drained one day with "no good reason," well, then retrace yr steps: maybe you drank 1,251 dranks last night. Maybe you had 75% of one single suggested dose of NyQuil. Maybe you had your skull crushed by a fire extinguisher. These are all things that happen to One's Physical, Corporeal Body, but they have a very real effect on how one feels - mentally - the next day.

Almost as bad as People who give advice are people that tell you "You Should Do [This!]." Fuck You. I'll do what I want when I want. You have no idea of anything I might like doing. No, I don't want to listen to some shitty band. No, I don't want to move to San Francisco.

Almost as bad as people who say "You Should Do [This]" are people who leave 99.99% of comments - on a blog, myspace, facebook, anything. 99% of comments are basically barely-veiled ways of saying "Um, no, you're wrong / I'm-kewler-than-you, and here's why." And I thought Constructive Criticism was annoying! And I thought I was Passive-Aggressive!

The Bottom Line is, I'd rather listen to In The Woods struggling to just-barely-keep-it-together Live (they weren't the greatest Live Band), than listen to some artsy 20-year-olds sing about Sartre, Sex, and Staying Up Late.

When You think about it, it's really kinda weird that a Norwegian Band, playing a show in Norway to Norwegian fans, would do all of their between-song banter in English. Of course, those scandinavians do have a hardon for English. They speak it better than most amerikkkans.

In addition to the Awesome Supercreep Voice, I have this other voice I use to say the word "BEER!" in the most awesome Way Ever, which I guess might accurately be called The BEER! Voice. I don't usually like to Toot my own Horn, but I gotta make an exception for The BEER! Voice.

Bottum Line (r) II: Having even less than one suggested dose of NyQuil can make you the world's Crustiest Crab for the entirety of the following day. Get all your NyQuil and just flush it down the fucking toilet.

But, finally, ptl, here's the Good News: Emily Osment In: DADNAPPED will be playing today (saturday) at 9pm.


musical interlude







No, I don't take cocks up the butt. I just have an innocent fondness for Gay Men In Zipperhead Drag performing really gay musical numbers. YOUR MOM takes cocks up the butt!!

Although, I must confess, I was only turned on to "Three Little Maids" because it sometimes plays in "Curb Your Enthusiasm" right before Larry does something Epically Ridiculous (even by Larry Standards!) And it took an performance by Zack And Cody to clue me into the fact that the song was actually by Gilbert And Sullivan ("The Mikado").

The new Emily Osment song absolutely sucks balls. But she still looks prettycute. I'll probably end up downloading her damn album.


I watch WAAAAY too much Disney Channel for a 29.9-year-old man.





I think you'll agree, the most fun part of horrible puns is having to explain them. "HUH?"













www.toothpastefordinner.com







Have an ok week, don't get fired, don't get hpv, don't get preggers, don't get cancer, don't get buried in snow, don't get hosed.