I thought I might as well post a post whilst I was actually raging drunk at the time. So, we drank a lot. Well, a fair amount, at least. It's 1:30 am and we're [I'm] drinking and shit is clusterfucked. I figured it would only be Right to offer people the pure essence ov the oft-written about SIBHoD drunkeness. So here you go, you niggers.
(2:15 + ftw)
The song is called "DEATH TO PLANET EARTH" by a Swedish Black Metal band called CRAFT.
Things are tough all around. If You want to hate me, hate me. If You want to love me, plz, love me. I's ain't so goddam bad.
Baby.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
"Sorry Ma'am, we're not IT professionals"
I'm shouldering the onus of flagrantly flouting copyright laws by uploading my own songs to Youtube, thank You very much. No, not MY songs, but all those other people's songs I've tried to find, and only found Youtube sorely lacking. No more will I be able to say "Where's that In the Woods... song? Where's that Incantation song? Where's that freaking Tom Waits song? Where's that Bukowski poem? God damn, don't they have anything on this piece?"
So I'm trying to teach myself movie-making software, which most public-school kids probably learned how to do in their public high-schools. Where they made their own artsy-fartsy movies which idealistically but dispassionately extolled the virtues of all the hedonistic, orgiastic casual anal sex they were having. Fuck y'all.
For example, for my first video I simply had to add the Incantation song "Lusting Congregation of Perpetual Damnation (Eternal Eden)" which contains a most skull-shattering "breakdown" at 3:00.
I was entertaining the idea of doing a "VLOG", itself a pretty controversial and potentially-very-obnoxious concept. With my flair for the dramatic and my raging hardon for my own "mellifluous oratory" and my self-proclaimed reputation as a "great reader", I figured it would be a way to make the SIBHoD literally come Alive. Naturally my face would not appear in the video, and my voice would be Technologically Disguised. As a mature man with a Bourgeois Education and political aspirations, I certainly value my anonymity. Not that this is even a done deal yet or anything.
I should be going out and running around, but the ol' Morning Rage wasn't so bad today, and I figured writing some SIBHoD action would suffice in starting the day off on the proverbial right foot. We'll save the running for after.
People might wonder why I write so much in the SIBHoD. Don't I have a life, they might query? That's a remarkably personal question, and considering its invasive implications, it's quite a rude thing to ask, don't you think? A major theme of the SIBHoD is the issue of gainful employment and the frustrating difficulty in finding it. Being "liberated" from the average Amerikkkan work-scheme frees up a bit of time for me, much of which is consumed in frustratingly seeking and applying for said gainful employment. However, I don't abide by the job-seekers' cardinal rule of "finding a job is your new job between 9 and 5." If this were the case, then I'd be getting drunk every day before noon. Harrowingly Horrifying.
Constant writing and reflection in the SIBHoD provides the motivation, the emotional/spiritual/existential bulwark, if You will, that anchors me for the more "traditionally productive" work which halves my time. I'm not clinging to or addicted to the SIBHoD, but it does complete me in a way. Minding this, it's best to complete myself in the most positive possible way -- with constructive commentary, jokes, music, nuanced discussions, powerful take-home points, occasional pompous pedagogy'n'didacticism, and the like -- rather than with any sort of rumination, moping, brooding, or whining. Such would be utterly destructive and would be poisoning and reducing the ol' k.c., rather than completing/embiggening him/me. I've learned this very valuable lesson via blogs/livejournals past - and past they best remain.
Fucking Windows Movie Maker won't let me make a fucking movie out of this In The Woods... song "Generally More Worried Than Married." Fucking losers.
Ultimately, the SIBHoD is an innocent hobby, playing pretty much exactly the same role in my life as sports do in many other people's lives. It fascinates me how large a part of a person's life s/he can devote to sports. Some men have a much better and healthier relationship with sports than they do with their "partners."
I don't have anything against sports. I think they're boring and I can't get into them at all, but I don't see them as a bad thing. I see it as innocent fun. A pastime. Something to do that is non-destructive and may well be constructive, in that it can encourage (sometimes) passionate, yet informed debate. It keeps the mind sharp. Have you ever seen the dedication and the encyclopaedic knowledge of people who do fantasy-sports? And you're not killing or raping or manipulating or lying to or jewing anybody. Nobody gets hurt, everybody has fun; it's like being a kid and playing.
So that's what the SIBHoD does for me, and that's why I do it so much.
I have a reputation as a "drinker" because when I drink, I often become OTT, OOC raging drunk. But here's the thing: it's not falling-down drunk where I can't form sentences and I need people to prop me up. It's hard to describe. My personality takes on a magical, larger-than-life quality; and I begin to slip into the role of my own self-determined celebrity. I make extremely provocative remarks. I become emboldened. I voice subversive opinions. My sense of humor becomes a bit more x-rated, although no less charming. I become less reserved and am more forward with people - yet never intentionally disrespectful or antagonistic. If anything, I become friendlier and more optimistic and simply enjoy the company of others more.
Certainly I'm no angel. I've had my times. Once I fell flat on my face in front of a roomful of people. Once I fell down the stairs and broke my glasses. Once I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell flat on my face (II) and broke another pair of glasses and almost broke my nose. Once I got into an argument with a woman who was rubbing me the wrong way. Once I accidentally put a beermug on a pooltable and got my life threatened by a bouncer until I removed the offending beermug. Once I found myself in someone's car drinking wine out of a water-bottle, to great offense, and although this behaviour can never be reasonably defended, I had not intended to bring the alcohol into this specific vehicle, and, had I had a moment (even a drunken moment!) to think about it, I certainly would have ditched the bottle. Sometimes I have become physically ill and vomited into a commode. Sometimes I have been known to post comments on people's MySpace/Facebook walls - sometimes risque, most often just innocent fun. Sometimes I do the same with txt-msgs on the cell-phone. If anything, these are my sincere, yet mistimed, attempts to reach-out and show the ol' k.c.-luv.
I'm not denying there have been times where I've made a fool of myself. But I defy you to name anyone who has never done anything embarrassing whilst extremely inebriated. Yes, sometimes I do stagger and slur my words. Sometimes I drink too quickly and pass-out on the floor when everyone else is still in gearing-up mode. Sometimes I say offensive things that are taken the wrong way, and I can't really blame whomever for doing so. There have been a few times where I have been raging drunk but everybody else was stone-cold sober, thus making me seem even MORE embarrassingly drunk by comparison. On occasion I've become very emotional - sometimes overreacting and becoming angry or crabby. On extremely rare occasions I've become overwhelmed with sadness and self-consciousness. These things, however, I don't see as being completely out of the realm of "normal, typical" drunk-behaviour. I'm not rationalizing it or saying that makes it right; I'm simply saying it's normal behaviour for someone who's raging drunk, and none of it's particularly evil. This is just what an excessive amount of alcohol can do to a person.
Then there's the other things some drunk people do: belligerent, aggressive, life-destroying things which I've never done. I've never gotten into a physical fight or a friendship-destroying argument. I've never permanently hurt somebody's feelings. I've never raped or molested anyone. I've never killed or hurt anyone in a drunken car-wreck. I've never had sleazy sex with and got HPV from or even mistakenly made-out with some Rando whose name I didn't know, or "put moves" on someone I really shouldn't have been putting moves on. Never any "poor decisions" of that nature to regret the next morning. I've never broken anyone's heart (well, other than with My Signature Move, ha). I've never been arrested/jailed for anything alcohol-related. I've never stolen anything or jewed anyone, except maybe I stole one or two cheap beers from somebody and felt pretty terrible about it and never did it again. I'd like to consider myself a pretty moral person, and I would never use being rip-roarin', ragin', staggeringly, shit-faced, fucked-in-half, falling-down, Housed, 88-sheets-to-the-wind Drizzunk as an excuse for not Doin' the Right Thing when it comes to my fundamental moral principles.
So, overall, I tend to find it oversimplifying and honestly a bit insulting if someone reduces me to "The Drinker." But because my character tends to tell quite obviously when I'm drunk, then I suppose I can excuse some snap-judgements. Nonetheless, I'd like to think of myself, when I'm drunk, as a "Drunk With Style", as Rollins called it. Or maybe it was Bukowski. Not that I even consider myself a "Drunk", itself a horribly reductive and insulting word. On a healthy, normal night, I am a Sober Nerd at His Finest, just contentedly watching charlie rose and family guy and woody allen and reading graphic novels or books-by-Rabbis and going to bed at 10 pm.
Nerds + Alcohol is always an interesting combination. I think you might agree. It takes a while for nerds to get into alcohol, if ever, but once they do, they can be some of the most colourful drinkers you'll ever meet. Don't hate on them too badly. Would you rather they be startin' shit?
(marriedtothesea.com)
Only In Amerikkka. Certainly it's interesting that McCain has picked who he has picked for his VP, Alaska gov. Sarah Palin. It says a lot about the mindset of middle america that the very notion of a WOMAN being a potential VP is such a big deal. Well, it is a big deal because it's never happened before, and I guess that's what says a lot about middle america. There continues to be this pervasive exclusion of women from political leadership. A marginality, an invisibility; and no-one talks about it and no-one cares, until it becomes clear that the next VP of the US could be....A WOMAN. (insert "squiggly horrorshow WWWOOOMMMEEENNN" font here)
I don't know much about this WOMAN except that she is both the youngest and the first female governor of Alaska; and that she has a baby with Down Syndrome and feels very, very strongly on the "Right-to-Life" issue. I wondered why McCain would pick someone I'd never even heard of, someone without all the vaunted "experience" - "experience" which everyone criticises Obama for lacking. Why didn't McCain pick some reputable Repub. senator or house rep. I forgot who they were speculating a few days ago. Lieberman? But isn't he for all intents and purposes a Democrat, despite his "Ind" demarcation?
Then I figured this Sarah Palin was a pretty savvy choice, since she is gonna get the right-to-life vote on LOCK. [But notice that Obama has picked the prominent Catholic Joe Biden. Interesting. Biden's view is "allow women to choose, but no federal funding." Some Catholic!] McCain needs a pro-life ace-in-the-hole, especially considering he's been comparatively "ambivalent" on the issue until now; at least, he is not as strongly pro-life as W. was when he was courting the middle.
That's what I hate about this two-party tradition. The middle. Both sides have to court the middle. Who are essentially fucking hayseed fundamentalist retards who only give a fuck about abortion. Ok, ok, that's a ridiculously ignorant thing to say. The war is important. The economy is pretty important too. Keeping Spanishes and Darkies and Irabians out is important. But in my deluded mind, abortion is the most important.
(THE MIDDLE. Christ. Grow a brain, read a book, develop an informed political opinion and decisively take a side already. Fucking sheeple.)
Look, the economy is a strictly political and worldly, earthly issue. Both parties can make pretty compelling arguments to the center about how Uncle Sam is going to put more money in the people's pockets. But abortion is a moral, spiritual issue. When you're dead and gone and it don't matter how much money you got in yo pockets, it's only gonna matter if you believed the right thing and voted for the candidate who believes the right thing too. The hand of god takes precedence over the hand of the market.
A Democratic candidate could have an economic plan that would put a million dollars in the hands of every midwest jesus-camper, but as long as the candidate doesn't want to overturn Roe v Wade, these voters will not support him/her. You gotta to hand it to the middle, they and their morals can't be bought.
Yeah, the war's important, and a lotta people have family members out there, and they may be split on the issue of "experience"; and "bringing the troops home and ending the war NOW" vs "staying the course and finishing the job".... but I still think the number of people whose vote hinges on the abortion issue outnumber those whose vote hinges on the war issue.
And let's not even get into gay marriage, ha.
What kind of sicko photoshops Emma Watson's head onto some slutty bikini-model's (or worse!) body? Even worse, what kind of sicko paparazzi snaps Emma Watson "upskirt" photos as she is getting out of the car? (Although I would have hoped she'd have a bit more foresight than to wear a completely see-through undergarment. Yegods, What a World [VIII].)
And You know, You really can't blame her.
Y'all don't like it, blow me.
So I'm trying to teach myself movie-making software, which most public-school kids probably learned how to do in their public high-schools. Where they made their own artsy-fartsy movies which idealistically but dispassionately extolled the virtues of all the hedonistic, orgiastic casual anal sex they were having. Fuck y'all.
For example, for my first video I simply had to add the Incantation song "Lusting Congregation of Perpetual Damnation (Eternal Eden)" which contains a most skull-shattering "breakdown" at 3:00.
I was entertaining the idea of doing a "VLOG", itself a pretty controversial and potentially-very-obnoxious concept. With my flair for the dramatic and my raging hardon for my own "mellifluous oratory" and my self-proclaimed reputation as a "great reader", I figured it would be a way to make the SIBHoD literally come Alive. Naturally my face would not appear in the video, and my voice would be Technologically Disguised. As a mature man with a Bourgeois Education and political aspirations, I certainly value my anonymity. Not that this is even a done deal yet or anything.
I should be going out and running around, but the ol' Morning Rage wasn't so bad today, and I figured writing some SIBHoD action would suffice in starting the day off on the proverbial right foot. We'll save the running for after.
People might wonder why I write so much in the SIBHoD. Don't I have a life, they might query? That's a remarkably personal question, and considering its invasive implications, it's quite a rude thing to ask, don't you think? A major theme of the SIBHoD is the issue of gainful employment and the frustrating difficulty in finding it. Being "liberated" from the average Amerikkkan work-scheme frees up a bit of time for me, much of which is consumed in frustratingly seeking and applying for said gainful employment. However, I don't abide by the job-seekers' cardinal rule of "finding a job is your new job between 9 and 5." If this were the case, then I'd be getting drunk every day before noon. Harrowingly Horrifying.
Constant writing and reflection in the SIBHoD provides the motivation, the emotional/spiritual/existential bulwark, if You will, that anchors me for the more "traditionally productive" work which halves my time. I'm not clinging to or addicted to the SIBHoD, but it does complete me in a way. Minding this, it's best to complete myself in the most positive possible way -- with constructive commentary, jokes, music, nuanced discussions, powerful take-home points, occasional pompous pedagogy'n'didacticism, and the like -- rather than with any sort of rumination, moping, brooding, or whining. Such would be utterly destructive and would be poisoning and reducing the ol' k.c., rather than completing/embiggening him/me. I've learned this very valuable lesson via blogs/livejournals past - and past they best remain.
Fucking Windows Movie Maker won't let me make a fucking movie out of this In The Woods... song "Generally More Worried Than Married." Fucking losers.
Ultimately, the SIBHoD is an innocent hobby, playing pretty much exactly the same role in my life as sports do in many other people's lives. It fascinates me how large a part of a person's life s/he can devote to sports. Some men have a much better and healthier relationship with sports than they do with their "partners."
I don't have anything against sports. I think they're boring and I can't get into them at all, but I don't see them as a bad thing. I see it as innocent fun. A pastime. Something to do that is non-destructive and may well be constructive, in that it can encourage (sometimes) passionate, yet informed debate. It keeps the mind sharp. Have you ever seen the dedication and the encyclopaedic knowledge of people who do fantasy-sports? And you're not killing or raping or manipulating or lying to or jewing anybody. Nobody gets hurt, everybody has fun; it's like being a kid and playing.
So that's what the SIBHoD does for me, and that's why I do it so much.
I have a reputation as a "drinker" because when I drink, I often become OTT, OOC raging drunk. But here's the thing: it's not falling-down drunk where I can't form sentences and I need people to prop me up. It's hard to describe. My personality takes on a magical, larger-than-life quality; and I begin to slip into the role of my own self-determined celebrity. I make extremely provocative remarks. I become emboldened. I voice subversive opinions. My sense of humor becomes a bit more x-rated, although no less charming. I become less reserved and am more forward with people - yet never intentionally disrespectful or antagonistic. If anything, I become friendlier and more optimistic and simply enjoy the company of others more.
Certainly I'm no angel. I've had my times. Once I fell flat on my face in front of a roomful of people. Once I fell down the stairs and broke my glasses. Once I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell flat on my face (II) and broke another pair of glasses and almost broke my nose. Once I got into an argument with a woman who was rubbing me the wrong way. Once I accidentally put a beermug on a pooltable and got my life threatened by a bouncer until I removed the offending beermug. Once I found myself in someone's car drinking wine out of a water-bottle, to great offense, and although this behaviour can never be reasonably defended, I had not intended to bring the alcohol into this specific vehicle, and, had I had a moment (even a drunken moment!) to think about it, I certainly would have ditched the bottle. Sometimes I have become physically ill and vomited into a commode. Sometimes I have been known to post comments on people's MySpace/Facebook walls - sometimes risque, most often just innocent fun. Sometimes I do the same with txt-msgs on the cell-phone. If anything, these are my sincere, yet mistimed, attempts to reach-out and show the ol' k.c.-luv.
I'm not denying there have been times where I've made a fool of myself. But I defy you to name anyone who has never done anything embarrassing whilst extremely inebriated. Yes, sometimes I do stagger and slur my words. Sometimes I drink too quickly and pass-out on the floor when everyone else is still in gearing-up mode. Sometimes I say offensive things that are taken the wrong way, and I can't really blame whomever for doing so. There have been a few times where I have been raging drunk but everybody else was stone-cold sober, thus making me seem even MORE embarrassingly drunk by comparison. On occasion I've become very emotional - sometimes overreacting and becoming angry or crabby. On extremely rare occasions I've become overwhelmed with sadness and self-consciousness. These things, however, I don't see as being completely out of the realm of "normal, typical" drunk-behaviour. I'm not rationalizing it or saying that makes it right; I'm simply saying it's normal behaviour for someone who's raging drunk, and none of it's particularly evil. This is just what an excessive amount of alcohol can do to a person.
Then there's the other things some drunk people do: belligerent, aggressive, life-destroying things which I've never done. I've never gotten into a physical fight or a friendship-destroying argument. I've never permanently hurt somebody's feelings. I've never raped or molested anyone. I've never killed or hurt anyone in a drunken car-wreck. I've never had sleazy sex with and got HPV from or even mistakenly made-out with some Rando whose name I didn't know, or "put moves" on someone I really shouldn't have been putting moves on. Never any "poor decisions" of that nature to regret the next morning. I've never broken anyone's heart (well, other than with My Signature Move, ha). I've never been arrested/jailed for anything alcohol-related. I've never stolen anything or jewed anyone, except maybe I stole one or two cheap beers from somebody and felt pretty terrible about it and never did it again. I'd like to consider myself a pretty moral person, and I would never use being rip-roarin', ragin', staggeringly, shit-faced, fucked-in-half, falling-down, Housed, 88-sheets-to-the-wind Drizzunk as an excuse for not Doin' the Right Thing when it comes to my fundamental moral principles.
So, overall, I tend to find it oversimplifying and honestly a bit insulting if someone reduces me to "The Drinker." But because my character tends to tell quite obviously when I'm drunk, then I suppose I can excuse some snap-judgements. Nonetheless, I'd like to think of myself, when I'm drunk, as a "Drunk With Style", as Rollins called it. Or maybe it was Bukowski. Not that I even consider myself a "Drunk", itself a horribly reductive and insulting word. On a healthy, normal night, I am a Sober Nerd at His Finest, just contentedly watching charlie rose and family guy and woody allen and reading graphic novels or books-by-Rabbis and going to bed at 10 pm.
Nerds + Alcohol is always an interesting combination. I think you might agree. It takes a while for nerds to get into alcohol, if ever, but once they do, they can be some of the most colourful drinkers you'll ever meet. Don't hate on them too badly. Would you rather they be startin' shit?
(marriedtothesea.com)
Only In Amerikkka. Certainly it's interesting that McCain has picked who he has picked for his VP, Alaska gov. Sarah Palin. It says a lot about the mindset of middle america that the very notion of a WOMAN being a potential VP is such a big deal. Well, it is a big deal because it's never happened before, and I guess that's what says a lot about middle america. There continues to be this pervasive exclusion of women from political leadership. A marginality, an invisibility; and no-one talks about it and no-one cares, until it becomes clear that the next VP of the US could be....A WOMAN. (insert "squiggly horrorshow WWWOOOMMMEEENNN" font here)
I don't know much about this WOMAN except that she is both the youngest and the first female governor of Alaska; and that she has a baby with Down Syndrome and feels very, very strongly on the "Right-to-Life" issue. I wondered why McCain would pick someone I'd never even heard of, someone without all the vaunted "experience" - "experience" which everyone criticises Obama for lacking. Why didn't McCain pick some reputable Repub. senator or house rep. I forgot who they were speculating a few days ago. Lieberman? But isn't he for all intents and purposes a Democrat, despite his "Ind" demarcation?
Then I figured this Sarah Palin was a pretty savvy choice, since she is gonna get the right-to-life vote on LOCK. [But notice that Obama has picked the prominent Catholic Joe Biden. Interesting. Biden's view is "allow women to choose, but no federal funding." Some Catholic!] McCain needs a pro-life ace-in-the-hole, especially considering he's been comparatively "ambivalent" on the issue until now; at least, he is not as strongly pro-life as W. was when he was courting the middle.
That's what I hate about this two-party tradition. The middle. Both sides have to court the middle. Who are essentially fucking hayseed fundamentalist retards who only give a fuck about abortion. Ok, ok, that's a ridiculously ignorant thing to say. The war is important. The economy is pretty important too. Keeping Spanishes and Darkies and Irabians out is important. But in my deluded mind, abortion is the most important.
(THE MIDDLE. Christ. Grow a brain, read a book, develop an informed political opinion and decisively take a side already. Fucking sheeple.)
Look, the economy is a strictly political and worldly, earthly issue. Both parties can make pretty compelling arguments to the center about how Uncle Sam is going to put more money in the people's pockets. But abortion is a moral, spiritual issue. When you're dead and gone and it don't matter how much money you got in yo pockets, it's only gonna matter if you believed the right thing and voted for the candidate who believes the right thing too. The hand of god takes precedence over the hand of the market.
A Democratic candidate could have an economic plan that would put a million dollars in the hands of every midwest jesus-camper, but as long as the candidate doesn't want to overturn Roe v Wade, these voters will not support him/her. You gotta to hand it to the middle, they and their morals can't be bought.
Yeah, the war's important, and a lotta people have family members out there, and they may be split on the issue of "experience"; and "bringing the troops home and ending the war NOW" vs "staying the course and finishing the job".... but I still think the number of people whose vote hinges on the abortion issue outnumber those whose vote hinges on the war issue.
And let's not even get into gay marriage, ha.
What kind of sicko photoshops Emma Watson's head onto some slutty bikini-model's (or worse!) body? Even worse, what kind of sicko paparazzi snaps Emma Watson "upskirt" photos as she is getting out of the car? (Although I would have hoped she'd have a bit more foresight than to wear a completely see-through undergarment. Yegods, What a World [VIII].)
And You know, You really can't blame her.
Y'all don't like it, blow me.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
naggers
Charles Bukowski wrote an outfuckingstanding poem called "Ignus Fatuus", which is so good I was going to bite the bullet and figure out how to rig-up my own "video" for it for Youtube and upload it myself, but then I stumbled across an mp3 of it at the following link. Your homework for the day, should You choose to accept it, is to listen to this one. God damn.
http://www.tagoo.ru/en/play.php?url=http://www.dont-try.com/buk/03%20Various%20Home%20Recordings/charles%20bukowski%20-%20ignus%20fatuus.mp3
or, this Might be simpler:
http://www.dont-try.com/buk/03%20Various%20Home%20Recordings/charles%20bukowski%20-%20ignus%20fatuus.mp3
Let's say you're trying to get a job at a library or a nonprofit or a university, or some place where some of the people actually went to college, and they actually hold things like literacy and reading and education in high regard. If you tell them one of your hobbies is "READING", that's a good thing - but you certainly cannot say "I like CHARLES BUKOWSKI." You'll never be able to say that. Especially not to prospective supervisors or romantic interests. You might as well be saying "I'm an unemployable, hateful, melancholy alcoholic who's terrible with people and who has the world's worst work-ethic." Perhaps it would please Ol' Buk to know that, from beyond the grave, he's still acting as an eternal cock-and-job-block.
Don't be hatin'! Just sayin'!
The creeping sense of uselessness and terror and anomie and malaise and disconnexion and nihilism that settles over One when One cannot find a job for a long time or when One cannot find satisfying make-out action for a long time should not be underestimated. You'd think there would be mountains of psych-related academic literature on it. Or at least any kind of journalism, mainstream or otherwise. Alack, there is not. Not even any blogs, chrissakes! And no, The SIBHoD is not going to fill that void - cannot - because I'm not that guy, sizzle-chest. I just made-out with a cute'n'smrt girl, and after getting out of a successful phone-interview with a certain Big Company, to boot. I'm talking about some guy I used to know in college, about whom I once wrote a story. He was fascinating and a good guy; I'd hire him and, if I were a girl, I'd make-out with him. Fucking Philistines on the sidewalk.
"IGNUS FATUUS"? NOBODY BUT BUKOWSKI CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT! DID YOU HEAR HIS VOICE?
I love to listen to Bukowski when I go to bed. Is that such a god damn crime? His voice has such a soothing, lulling quality to it. Even if what he's talking about is the grimmest shit imaginable. People always fail to recognize that Bukowski had a fucking hilarious sense of humor. The guy was funny as hell. 6,000,000 times funnier than a decent stand-up comedian.
I can kinda understand being trapped into a job you hate, for life. You have to make money in order to live. You don't have a fucking choice in the matter. Well, even still, fuck that - you do have a choice. You can find a job that you don't hate, but which still affords you the bare minimum of $$$ to keep you off the streets, sheltered, in good health, a little money in the bank, etc. Can't you do this, at least eventually, after sucking it up for several years and suffering through a valuable, character-building series of shit jobs? Can't you? (Well, in an ideal world You can.)
But people who get stuck in shitty relationships? I have even less sympathy for them. Here you have more of a choice. You can say: "You know, this fucking sucks. Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You." It just boggles my mind. Why add another heaping scoop of misery into your life? What are these relationships even like in the formative stages? Is one person thinking "Yeah, I know this person sucks, but I'll get my dick wet in them, until I find something better, which isn't likely to happen anyway?" Even I cannot tolerate such pessimism!
I think I'm developing a mild version of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, considering my interest in losing "that last 10 pounds." I don't particularly need to. I'm at a healthy weight right now. There's no need to look like some anorexic scene kid. I prefer a little meat on the bones.
Yet I think the happy medium here is to do "Two-A-Days" of the ol' Throw (the Disc) 'n Run. Not really in the interest of dropping the 10 pounds, but moreso in channeling the eternalasting libido and the anger. If I can't have be a productive member of society, or go around with automatic assault rifles killing people on a shooting-spree, or gorge myself on fried chicken 14 times a day, then I can sure as hell do this!
Bike riding is another form of exercise I would likely enjoy, but until I stop getting rejected for $8.00/hour jobs, then I can't really afford to buy a bike. Stupid gay economy. Queer-ass cover letters and resumes. Suck my fucking asshole.
Anthony Bourdain suggests that restaurants are the employment haven of the outcasts - the freaks and geeks who can't get a job anywhere else. Transgressive and subversive people, communiss, illegals. When all else fails, get a job in a restaurant. And I know a bunch of people that work in restaurants. I simply imagine it to be the worst job conceivable, and if I managed to get a restaurant job, I would fear if I didn't get my ass fired or quit within the first couple of days, I would become quite the miserable alcoholic. The idea of working in a restaurant scares me even more than "retail" and maybe almost as much as "sales." Simply put, I don't understand how anyone can work in a restaurant for more than a few days without blowing their fucking brains out. I just don't get it.
Okay, okay. Fun and playful and exciting and upbeat and Funny Happy Time! Hooray!
When we used to visit Chicago, I would be in a pretty Fun and Playful and Funny mood. Those were good times. But with gas at $4.00 a gallon and train rides at like 50 bucks and then not counting the money you'd have to spend on the train and subway and restaurants and bars while you're out there.... Yup, definitely out of the question. Yeesh. A nice Chitown visit might be revitalising.
There's a nice smrt law-school-bound woman with prty necklaces who has the same alma mater as I who lives in Chicago who I used to talk to sometimes. This was pretty pleasant. Positive stuff. I liked it. She is the antithesis of what pop psychologists would call a "toxic" person. On the off-chance that You are reading this, I respectfully ask You to talk to me sometime again on gchat. Anytime, wheneverz. Unless that sounds creepily weird to You. Then Sorry. But c'mon. You'll find I'm not such a "creepy" and "weird" person as the SIBHoD might suggest! In fact, I've even been described as "hilarious" by our mutual friends! C'mon!
When I'm driving down the road and I see a couple of black kids walking on the sidewalk, I stare at them menacingly, slowing down a little, and then I rotate my head around to fully stare at them in an unbroken manner as I drive by -- all to the peril of myself and the other drivers/pedestrians on the road, of course. Who do these Blacks think they are? Don't they know this is a white-flight community? We left the city to Them, and They turned it into a shithole - and now that's not good enough for Their Kind, that They actually want to come out and ruin the Suburbs now, too?
Yes, there are people who actually think like this.
Seriously. Go look at the people on Okcupid.com. These are literally the scum of the earth. These people are so pathetic and boring and dumb and fugly that it's no wonder they can't get a date. "Internet Dating" has always lived under this spectre of "it's pathetic and creepy", a stigma which shitheads like match.com and eharmony.com are desperately trying to eradicate. Well, they shouldn't, because it's a justifiable, realistic reputation. These people are all fucking boring, ugly, or sickos. People who try to find dates over TEH INTRANETS don't deserve to date, and until they wise up to that, they simply shouldn't ever date. Good Christ!
People are so ugly. I look around at 99% of people and I think "they're fucking fugly. they could never arouse me." and I'm talking about the segment of people ages 18 - 45, or whatever would be the bounds of bonability. They're still all ugly. I'm no fucking Michael Pitt or anything, but my god, I'm certainly of above-average attractiveness, especially if this is the kind of Elephant-Man hideousness that passes for "average"!
"Ignus Fatuus" has become my mantra. The best was when I was driving down the street today singing the words "Ignus Fatuus" to the tune of that main musical theme of "Requiem for A Dream." You know what I'm talking about. Clint Mansell or something. They play it in 6,000,000 movie trailers when something is supposed to be "riveting" or "pulse-poundingly intense."
Although one of the bad things about attractive people is that I tend to give them "the benefit of the doubt" and not begrudge them for the poor [sexual?] decisions they've made, whereas I wouldn't be nearly as tolerant of fugly people who did the same thing. Hmm. Well, I guess accepting our prejudices is the first step to getting rid of them. So...Maybe I should hate attractive people more? But in several ways, I already do hate them! Hmmm....
What inspires stupid bands to write meaningless music? Their meaningless, uninspiring lives, perhaps?
It's probably getting to be about time for my Second-A-Day here. I might even be so hatefully angry that I'd best go for Three-A-Day. Nothing wrong with a little exercise, son!
I love Tom Waits. But I don't even halfway like other singer-songwriters who love/are influenced by Tom Waits. (Not even necessarily "ripping him off", mind you, either!)
This is so 2007, but I like how "2 Girls 1 Cup" introduced Scat to the mainstream and turned Scat into a big funny joke. Before that, the entire tobic was taboo as shit. (heh, heh.) You couldn't even make jokes about it without everyone thinking you were a psychotic fetishist. Now, because the shock/marginality value has been eliminated, you can drunkenly go up to cute girls and ask them to shit in your mouth. Right?
If I could play Real Drums a quarter as well as I can play Air Drums, I'd be makin' Large on the Road right now.
It's funny when your family never embarasses you with the ol' "So when are you gonna give us some grandkids already?" question, because, by this point, they automatically assume that you are completely 100% asexual and that you just will never be "interested in girls." This becomes even more hilarious when your friends start getting married.
Catholicmatch.com ftw!
Apparently "Ignis Fatuus" refers to "Fool's Fire," which can be interpreted as "Will-O-The-Wisps" or "Foxfire" which appear as orbs of light/fire above swampy land. The idea that it's an illusion seems to be of some significance. Think about it (tap, tap).
I should really go back and censor parts of this post. Yegods.
http://www.tagoo.ru/en/play.php?url=http://www.dont-try.com/buk/03%20Various%20Home%20Recordings/charles%20bukowski%20-%20ignus%20fatuus.mp3
or, this Might be simpler:
http://www.dont-try.com/buk/03%20Various%20Home%20Recordings/charles%20bukowski%20-%20ignus%20fatuus.mp3
Let's say you're trying to get a job at a library or a nonprofit or a university, or some place where some of the people actually went to college, and they actually hold things like literacy and reading and education in high regard. If you tell them one of your hobbies is "READING", that's a good thing - but you certainly cannot say "I like CHARLES BUKOWSKI." You'll never be able to say that. Especially not to prospective supervisors or romantic interests. You might as well be saying "I'm an unemployable, hateful, melancholy alcoholic who's terrible with people and who has the world's worst work-ethic." Perhaps it would please Ol' Buk to know that, from beyond the grave, he's still acting as an eternal cock-and-job-block.
Don't be hatin'! Just sayin'!
The creeping sense of uselessness and terror and anomie and malaise and disconnexion and nihilism that settles over One when One cannot find a job for a long time or when One cannot find satisfying make-out action for a long time should not be underestimated. You'd think there would be mountains of psych-related academic literature on it. Or at least any kind of journalism, mainstream or otherwise. Alack, there is not. Not even any blogs, chrissakes! And no, The SIBHoD is not going to fill that void - cannot - because I'm not that guy, sizzle-chest. I just made-out with a cute'n'smrt girl, and after getting out of a successful phone-interview with a certain Big Company, to boot. I'm talking about some guy I used to know in college, about whom I once wrote a story. He was fascinating and a good guy; I'd hire him and, if I were a girl, I'd make-out with him. Fucking Philistines on the sidewalk.
"IGNUS FATUUS"? NOBODY BUT BUKOWSKI CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT! DID YOU HEAR HIS VOICE?
I love to listen to Bukowski when I go to bed. Is that such a god damn crime? His voice has such a soothing, lulling quality to it. Even if what he's talking about is the grimmest shit imaginable. People always fail to recognize that Bukowski had a fucking hilarious sense of humor. The guy was funny as hell. 6,000,000 times funnier than a decent stand-up comedian.
I can kinda understand being trapped into a job you hate, for life. You have to make money in order to live. You don't have a fucking choice in the matter. Well, even still, fuck that - you do have a choice. You can find a job that you don't hate, but which still affords you the bare minimum of $$$ to keep you off the streets, sheltered, in good health, a little money in the bank, etc. Can't you do this, at least eventually, after sucking it up for several years and suffering through a valuable, character-building series of shit jobs? Can't you? (Well, in an ideal world You can.)
But people who get stuck in shitty relationships? I have even less sympathy for them. Here you have more of a choice. You can say: "You know, this fucking sucks. Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You." It just boggles my mind. Why add another heaping scoop of misery into your life? What are these relationships even like in the formative stages? Is one person thinking "Yeah, I know this person sucks, but I'll get my dick wet in them, until I find something better, which isn't likely to happen anyway?" Even I cannot tolerate such pessimism!
I think I'm developing a mild version of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, considering my interest in losing "that last 10 pounds." I don't particularly need to. I'm at a healthy weight right now. There's no need to look like some anorexic scene kid. I prefer a little meat on the bones.
Yet I think the happy medium here is to do "Two-A-Days" of the ol' Throw (the Disc) 'n Run. Not really in the interest of dropping the 10 pounds, but moreso in channeling the eternalasting libido and the anger. If I can't have be a productive member of society, or go around with automatic assault rifles killing people on a shooting-spree, or gorge myself on fried chicken 14 times a day, then I can sure as hell do this!
Bike riding is another form of exercise I would likely enjoy, but until I stop getting rejected for $8.00/hour jobs, then I can't really afford to buy a bike. Stupid gay economy. Queer-ass cover letters and resumes. Suck my fucking asshole.
Anthony Bourdain suggests that restaurants are the employment haven of the outcasts - the freaks and geeks who can't get a job anywhere else. Transgressive and subversive people, communiss, illegals. When all else fails, get a job in a restaurant. And I know a bunch of people that work in restaurants. I simply imagine it to be the worst job conceivable, and if I managed to get a restaurant job, I would fear if I didn't get my ass fired or quit within the first couple of days, I would become quite the miserable alcoholic. The idea of working in a restaurant scares me even more than "retail" and maybe almost as much as "sales." Simply put, I don't understand how anyone can work in a restaurant for more than a few days without blowing their fucking brains out. I just don't get it.
Okay, okay. Fun and playful and exciting and upbeat and Funny Happy Time! Hooray!
When we used to visit Chicago, I would be in a pretty Fun and Playful and Funny mood. Those were good times. But with gas at $4.00 a gallon and train rides at like 50 bucks and then not counting the money you'd have to spend on the train and subway and restaurants and bars while you're out there.... Yup, definitely out of the question. Yeesh. A nice Chitown visit might be revitalising.
There's a nice smrt law-school-bound woman with prty necklaces who has the same alma mater as I who lives in Chicago who I used to talk to sometimes. This was pretty pleasant. Positive stuff. I liked it. She is the antithesis of what pop psychologists would call a "toxic" person. On the off-chance that You are reading this, I respectfully ask You to talk to me sometime again on gchat. Anytime, wheneverz. Unless that sounds creepily weird to You. Then Sorry. But c'mon. You'll find I'm not such a "creepy" and "weird" person as the SIBHoD might suggest! In fact, I've even been described as "hilarious" by our mutual friends! C'mon!
When I'm driving down the road and I see a couple of black kids walking on the sidewalk, I stare at them menacingly, slowing down a little, and then I rotate my head around to fully stare at them in an unbroken manner as I drive by -- all to the peril of myself and the other drivers/pedestrians on the road, of course. Who do these Blacks think they are? Don't they know this is a white-flight community? We left the city to Them, and They turned it into a shithole - and now that's not good enough for Their Kind, that They actually want to come out and ruin the Suburbs now, too?
Yes, there are people who actually think like this.
Seriously. Go look at the people on Okcupid.com. These are literally the scum of the earth. These people are so pathetic and boring and dumb and fugly that it's no wonder they can't get a date. "Internet Dating" has always lived under this spectre of "it's pathetic and creepy", a stigma which shitheads like match.com and eharmony.com are desperately trying to eradicate. Well, they shouldn't, because it's a justifiable, realistic reputation. These people are all fucking boring, ugly, or sickos. People who try to find dates over TEH INTRANETS don't deserve to date, and until they wise up to that, they simply shouldn't ever date. Good Christ!
People are so ugly. I look around at 99% of people and I think "they're fucking fugly. they could never arouse me." and I'm talking about the segment of people ages 18 - 45, or whatever would be the bounds of bonability. They're still all ugly. I'm no fucking Michael Pitt or anything, but my god, I'm certainly of above-average attractiveness, especially if this is the kind of Elephant-Man hideousness that passes for "average"!
"Ignus Fatuus" has become my mantra. The best was when I was driving down the street today singing the words "Ignus Fatuus" to the tune of that main musical theme of "Requiem for A Dream." You know what I'm talking about. Clint Mansell or something. They play it in 6,000,000 movie trailers when something is supposed to be "riveting" or "pulse-poundingly intense."
Although one of the bad things about attractive people is that I tend to give them "the benefit of the doubt" and not begrudge them for the poor [sexual?] decisions they've made, whereas I wouldn't be nearly as tolerant of fugly people who did the same thing. Hmm. Well, I guess accepting our prejudices is the first step to getting rid of them. So...Maybe I should hate attractive people more? But in several ways, I already do hate them! Hmmm....
What inspires stupid bands to write meaningless music? Their meaningless, uninspiring lives, perhaps?
It's probably getting to be about time for my Second-A-Day here. I might even be so hatefully angry that I'd best go for Three-A-Day. Nothing wrong with a little exercise, son!
I love Tom Waits. But I don't even halfway like other singer-songwriters who love/are influenced by Tom Waits. (Not even necessarily "ripping him off", mind you, either!)
This is so 2007, but I like how "2 Girls 1 Cup" introduced Scat to the mainstream and turned Scat into a big funny joke. Before that, the entire tobic was taboo as shit. (heh, heh.) You couldn't even make jokes about it without everyone thinking you were a psychotic fetishist. Now, because the shock/marginality value has been eliminated, you can drunkenly go up to cute girls and ask them to shit in your mouth. Right?
If I could play Real Drums a quarter as well as I can play Air Drums, I'd be makin' Large on the Road right now.
It's funny when your family never embarasses you with the ol' "So when are you gonna give us some grandkids already?" question, because, by this point, they automatically assume that you are completely 100% asexual and that you just will never be "interested in girls." This becomes even more hilarious when your friends start getting married.
Catholicmatch.com ftw!
Apparently "Ignis Fatuus" refers to "Fool's Fire," which can be interpreted as "Will-O-The-Wisps" or "Foxfire" which appear as orbs of light/fire above swampy land. The idea that it's an illusion seems to be of some significance. Think about it (tap, tap).
I should really go back and censor parts of this post. Yegods.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
this post contains 88 appearances of the word "tits"
What to write about today? Certainly not about how everything is stupid and gay! It's about time the Attitude of Gratitude starting taking a little more Latitude!
So I'm gonna become a Relationship / Couples Counselor with some very unorthodox techniques: chiefly, uber-short sessions in which I calmly sip a Jamesons and say very directly:
"If you're not happy with your Relationship, then break the fuck up already."
"If you hate your job, just fucking quit it already."
"Your lover doesn't meet your standards? Dump them."
"Not attracted in or interested in your mate? Then why'd you even get together in the first place? Break the fuck up."
"Always getting into arguments with your 'lover'? Dissatisfied with your 'lover'? Fucking dump them then. Get a fucking divorce."
And that's it. I'm fascinated in relationships and why people cling to ones that don't work. You think you'd know if you were more or less happy. You think you could see when something Obviously sucks. Believe me, I would be running for the door as soon as I felt that "Nuh-uh" feeling in my gut. In fact, I typically get that feeling while I'm still standing outside of the door, quarterheartedly wishing I could cobble together a reason to come in. Honestly: why would you start something you don't really want to start? Why would you put in any effort for something fake? If something doesn't feel right at the beginning, then how is it gonna feel any better after a few months?
So that's what I see; and I just don't get why people aren't leaving their lovers left and right.
Unorthodox Couples Counselor ftw!
Got a nice little rejection notice from some temp mailroom job I applied for. Fucking fuckholes who don't like my cover letter can go get fucked in the ass. "I know how to read and sort mail, that's why I'm the ideal candidate for this position."
The thing about kids that go to "highly selective universities" is that they can getawaywith going their Entire Lives without developing ANY social skills. They just do not know how to talk to people at ALL, and yet they have good jobs and sometimes good relationships. Yet when you try to talk to them, their lack of social intelligence is simply staggering. You think "why don't I have YOUR good job?"
I might also open a side-practice where I criticise people on their (lack of) social skills. Ha!
The text-messaging capability on my phone appears to be completely fucked. All the texts I try to send fail to send and get deposited in the "Unsent" outbox. This is annoying to say the least, as I am a big fan of TXTING. I prefer texting to calling. I'm not too sure what to do because this phone is fucking ancient and I use a Net-10 pay-by-the-minute service. Which all cool people should do.
I drunkenly remarked to a roomful of guitar players that since everybody plays guitar these days, the Real Cool thing to do is not to play guitar; hence, "So that's why I'm quitting". (crickets) I thought it was funny, but I guess You had to be there.
God I love rapidshare.com and how it's filling the void in my hard drive. Rars here! Getcha Rars here! (Although the guys from Incantation would probably get pretty pissed if they knew I was downloading their entire discography at the push of a button. Bad Fan! [Hey, I am gonna buy a t-shirt or two one of these days!] )
I'm going for the Fun and Playful approach in an attempt to curb my raging anger. Whenever I get angry or hateful or overly cynical or bitter or misanthropic I tell myself to be Fun and Playful and Exciting. Conjure up a memory of a time when I was Fun and Playful and Exciting, for example, and try to work off that. If one can make this work, it is probably better than being an angry asshole.
A person needs hobbies. Nope, sitting around reading Catholic books all day and doing nothing else ever does not count as a hobby. Normal people have friends and/or do/read things other than obsessing over a deathcult. No offense to the Christians out there, but you've gotta admit you've met a few joyless catholics in your time.
My new hobby is to throw the disc at the field a block away from my house. I throw the two discs and then run to them and throw and run, throw and run. For me this beats straight nonstop jogging any day, as I can only jog for a 5 minute stretch, and it's a harrowing experience I have little motivation to repeat. The throw/run scheme works perfectly because I'm only running in 10-second bursts, plus, throwing every day really allows one to become One with the disc. If you don't develop more control, you will at the very least develop a more confident intimacy with the disc. Which, naturally, will be the foundation of moar control.
I'm obsessed with making risotto or pilaf or some kind of rice dish wherein I can use this can of chicken broth I have. Excitement City! (ps: I made some risotto with some chicken in there too. And I totally did not use arborio, super-long-grain starchy rice like you're supposed to. And I totally even splashed some of my fucking Arnold Palmer in there too.)
I have a box of Franzia Burgundy sitting in the trunk of my car. Recently our state passed a law which made it legal to take a half-full/empty bottle of wine home, provided you bought it in a restaurant and have it corked. What if you have a half-full BOX of wine that is solidly spigoted, however? And bought at the Supermarket and consumed, to excess, in a private residence?
Nope, most probably not at all legal. Mea Culpa!
I've got to think of other bands-in-concert I'd like to see other than Incantation. The only thing I've noticed this week is Dave Berman and the Silver Jews. Wait, I don't LIKE Dave Berman and the Silver Jews. Well, that's right out then.
Man K, you've piqued my interest with the talk of a Dance Party. I will do what it takes to see a little follow-through here.
Yes, apparently "entrantment" and "repungence" are now words. And the beauty part is, all these songs are Sick as Hell!
What is Hank Azaria's fixation on incessantly playing Gay Latinos?
When the new-new Woody Allen movie featuring Woody Allen and Larry David comes out (next year?), I need someone to come with me so we can dress-up as Woody Allen and Larry David. Preferably twice so we can get the experience of dressing-up as both.
Marilyn Manson is boning Evan Rachel Wood.
Seth MacFarlane is boning Amanda Bynes.
Vincent Gallo is more-than-likely boning a girl young enough to be his granddaughter.
And in my dreams, I'm still boning Emma Watson.
If You really want a Song'O'The Day, just go to youtube and type "incantation." FR RLZEE!
(ps: Yup, I finally did the right thing and quit Okcupid a few days ago. I can't tell you how much I had the right idea doing that. I immediately felt cleaner, purer, normaler, better, happier. So then I watched a video of a Russian girl pooping into a sink.
NNNOTTT!)
So I'm gonna become a Relationship / Couples Counselor with some very unorthodox techniques: chiefly, uber-short sessions in which I calmly sip a Jamesons and say very directly:
"If you're not happy with your Relationship, then break the fuck up already."
"If you hate your job, just fucking quit it already."
"Your lover doesn't meet your standards? Dump them."
"Not attracted in or interested in your mate? Then why'd you even get together in the first place? Break the fuck up."
"Always getting into arguments with your 'lover'? Dissatisfied with your 'lover'? Fucking dump them then. Get a fucking divorce."
And that's it. I'm fascinated in relationships and why people cling to ones that don't work. You think you'd know if you were more or less happy. You think you could see when something Obviously sucks. Believe me, I would be running for the door as soon as I felt that "Nuh-uh" feeling in my gut. In fact, I typically get that feeling while I'm still standing outside of the door, quarterheartedly wishing I could cobble together a reason to come in. Honestly: why would you start something you don't really want to start? Why would you put in any effort for something fake? If something doesn't feel right at the beginning, then how is it gonna feel any better after a few months?
So that's what I see; and I just don't get why people aren't leaving their lovers left and right.
Unorthodox Couples Counselor ftw!
Got a nice little rejection notice from some temp mailroom job I applied for. Fucking fuckholes who don't like my cover letter can go get fucked in the ass. "I know how to read and sort mail, that's why I'm the ideal candidate for this position."
The thing about kids that go to "highly selective universities" is that they can getawaywith going their Entire Lives without developing ANY social skills. They just do not know how to talk to people at ALL, and yet they have good jobs and sometimes good relationships. Yet when you try to talk to them, their lack of social intelligence is simply staggering. You think "why don't I have YOUR good job?"
I might also open a side-practice where I criticise people on their (lack of) social skills. Ha!
The text-messaging capability on my phone appears to be completely fucked. All the texts I try to send fail to send and get deposited in the "Unsent" outbox. This is annoying to say the least, as I am a big fan of TXTING. I prefer texting to calling. I'm not too sure what to do because this phone is fucking ancient and I use a Net-10 pay-by-the-minute service. Which all cool people should do.
I drunkenly remarked to a roomful of guitar players that since everybody plays guitar these days, the Real Cool thing to do is not to play guitar; hence, "So that's why I'm quitting". (crickets) I thought it was funny, but I guess You had to be there.
God I love rapidshare.com and how it's filling the void in my hard drive. Rars here! Getcha Rars here! (Although the guys from Incantation would probably get pretty pissed if they knew I was downloading their entire discography at the push of a button. Bad Fan! [Hey, I am gonna buy a t-shirt or two one of these days!] )
I'm going for the Fun and Playful approach in an attempt to curb my raging anger. Whenever I get angry or hateful or overly cynical or bitter or misanthropic I tell myself to be Fun and Playful and Exciting. Conjure up a memory of a time when I was Fun and Playful and Exciting, for example, and try to work off that. If one can make this work, it is probably better than being an angry asshole.
A person needs hobbies. Nope, sitting around reading Catholic books all day and doing nothing else ever does not count as a hobby. Normal people have friends and/or do/read things other than obsessing over a deathcult. No offense to the Christians out there, but you've gotta admit you've met a few joyless catholics in your time.
My new hobby is to throw the disc at the field a block away from my house. I throw the two discs and then run to them and throw and run, throw and run. For me this beats straight nonstop jogging any day, as I can only jog for a 5 minute stretch, and it's a harrowing experience I have little motivation to repeat. The throw/run scheme works perfectly because I'm only running in 10-second bursts, plus, throwing every day really allows one to become One with the disc. If you don't develop more control, you will at the very least develop a more confident intimacy with the disc. Which, naturally, will be the foundation of moar control.
I'm obsessed with making risotto or pilaf or some kind of rice dish wherein I can use this can of chicken broth I have. Excitement City! (ps: I made some risotto with some chicken in there too. And I totally did not use arborio, super-long-grain starchy rice like you're supposed to. And I totally even splashed some of my fucking Arnold Palmer in there too.)
I have a box of Franzia Burgundy sitting in the trunk of my car. Recently our state passed a law which made it legal to take a half-full/empty bottle of wine home, provided you bought it in a restaurant and have it corked. What if you have a half-full BOX of wine that is solidly spigoted, however? And bought at the Supermarket and consumed, to excess, in a private residence?
Nope, most probably not at all legal. Mea Culpa!
I've got to think of other bands-in-concert I'd like to see other than Incantation. The only thing I've noticed this week is Dave Berman and the Silver Jews. Wait, I don't LIKE Dave Berman and the Silver Jews. Well, that's right out then.
Man K, you've piqued my interest with the talk of a Dance Party. I will do what it takes to see a little follow-through here.
Hi, we're Incantation, and we can actually get away with the following song titles:"Rotting Spiritual Embodiment"
"Entrantment of Evil"
"Abolishment of Immaculate Serenity"
"United In Repungence"
"Deliverance of Horrific Prophecies"
"Lusting Congregation of Perpetual Damnation"
Yes, apparently "entrantment" and "repungence" are now words. And the beauty part is, all these songs are Sick as Hell!
What is Hank Azaria's fixation on incessantly playing Gay Latinos?
When the new-new Woody Allen movie featuring Woody Allen and Larry David comes out (next year?), I need someone to come with me so we can dress-up as Woody Allen and Larry David. Preferably twice so we can get the experience of dressing-up as both.
Marilyn Manson is boning Evan Rachel Wood.
Seth MacFarlane is boning Amanda Bynes.
Vincent Gallo is more-than-likely boning a girl young enough to be his granddaughter.
And in my dreams, I'm still boning Emma Watson.
If You really want a Song'O'The Day, just go to youtube and type "incantation." FR RLZEE!
(ps: Yup, I finally did the right thing and quit Okcupid a few days ago. I can't tell you how much I had the right idea doing that. I immediately felt cleaner, purer, normaler, better, happier. So then I watched a video of a Russian girl pooping into a sink.
NNNOTTT!)
Monday, August 25, 2008
"The name's I.M.A. Drinka. It's who I am, and it's what I do."
Well, this one is gonna be by-the-book as hell. Formulaic, contrived, etc. I don't have anything riveting to discuss but I only know I must write in The SIBHoD. Stroke the Ol' Ego, you know. Ego, Libido, Eros, Thanatos, Id, what-have-you. Whenever I start to read Freud I fall asleep. Thank g-d for the "Writers and Readers" and "Totem Publishing" series of "So-and-So For Beginners" and "Introducing So-and-so", which takes some pretty hefty persons and summarizes their lives and writings in essentially comic-book form. (My favourite of the ones I've seen was LACAN for Beginners. Yegods!)
I might even do a myspace-style survey because it's really one of those days.
I've been drawn to Death Metal lately. Probably because it's a great form for when you're feeling angry, aggressive, frustrated, etc; and looking for a slightly different style of "brvtality" than black metal.
Well, this is a lie. I'm not really listening to "Death Metal" in general, but rather INCANTATION in particular. They are a sick, brutal, classic band that just happens to be Death Metal. They keep it Really Real.
(It's all about 2:03 onward. Classick.)
Yeah, I know posting songs is obnoxious and a bit insulting, because I often find it obnoxious and insulting when someone presents a song for me to listen to: Come on! Don't you know how much I hate bands and music, and that I have to be in the Exact Right Mood in order to listen to Anything? Well, I guess, I post the songs largely for my benefit, such that I could one day make some "SIBHoD" mix cd's. Because I love mix cd's.
Incantation is one of those rare bands I don't hate. They're the antithesis of "popular." I've seen them live twice and will gladly go to see them again and again. The audience is always a sausage-fest of unkempt, uneducated death-metalheads; however there's something about INCANTATION that generates solidarity among this fanbase. The band always rocks their balls off and everybody has a ridiculously good time. The guys in the band are very down to earth and you're highly likely to see them wandering around the club rather unobtrusively; or you might casually look around during an opening band and see one of the guys from freaking INCANTATION standing next to you. They've pretty much pioneered this ultra-crushing form of death metal and have been around for about 18 years, yet they do not have a big head about it whatsoever. They are passionate, dedicated, relentlessly touring, yet they still come across as regular guys. 18 year-old girls do not throw themselves at them. And I've never heard a heavier, punishinger death metal concert. They set the standard. LUV these guys.
It's easy to develop a lot of bad habits, and to keep doing them until we have fallen into pretty shittastic health. Eating shitty food, drinking too much, smoking too many cigarettes, not getting enough sleep, not getting enough exercise, not having enough general positive energy and positive experiences, becoming inured to being angry and stressed and bitter about everything. Life doesn't have to be this way, although sometimes it seems there can be no other way.
I do think having a job you don't hate and a relationship you don't hate can go a long ways towards encouraging a more optimistic perspective, though. I'm a bit of an old-fashioned guy in the respect that I think it's okay and natural to feel lonely once in a while - that's it's okay and natural to get tired of being a "wack single" and to have a desire to partner-up with somebody for a while. I think it's a reasonable thing for us, as humans, to seek. At the end of the day, it's not necessarily a bad thing to be with somebody special who appreciates us as somebody special too. I don't think you can get that feeling out of "random play", or even good ol'-fashioned platonic friendship.
Yes, there is a difference between the "synergy" effect of "uniting" with someone, and being "needy" in that clearly negative way. I suppose, though, we could say this "synergy" is neediness's Good Twin, its Dr. Jekyll - here one finds someone good-for-them; and the special manner of reinforcement the partner offers can push one above-and-beyond what they thought they were capable of. All I'm saying is, it's a unique form of satisfaction and contentment that cannot be derived from material/economic achievements, or from purely sensualistic indulgences, or even from general humanitarianism. (I've got a certain Blues Brothers song going through my head right now...)
I was reading a book by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who did that great show on TLC, "Shalom In the Home." They always cancel my favourite shows! Shmuley is so overbearing and so Jewish and rather annoying, but I find him endearing in the end, and I appreciate his genuineness and lack of pretense. In other words, he keeps it Pretty Real, and I don't Hate him.
I was watching the Roast of Bob Saget on Comedy Central the other night. I usually like Roasts for the obvious reasons. Comedians tearing each other a new asshole making the most politically incorrect, homophobic/homoerotic ("fag!") insults about one another. It's immaturity par excellence. People making fun of sexuality and weight and age and colour and all sorts of horribly offensive stuff that you usually can't get away with on TV. Not to mention they had a pretty sick dais that included people like Norm MacDonald and Jon Lovitz. Classic comics who have just fallen off the face of the earth. Norm M was absolutely ridiculous, nonchalantly reading a newspaper and looking completely unfazed while people made fun of his gambling addiction.
Oh yeah. I like Jeff Garlin ("Curb Your Enthusiasm"), I find him wholly endearing/lovable/etc. His movie "Someone to eat cheese with" was worth noting. Not the greatest movie ever, but definitely worth renting and watching. A quiet, unobnoxious, rather sweet little comedy that is a little bit Woody Allenesque. Hmm. I think I may have already plugged this movie in a SIBHoD before.
I am not like other people. I don't like people. I don't like shopping. I don't like sports. I don't like many of the things that most people like. I don't like Nickelback. I don't think most people are that cool. I think most people's careers are laughable. I think most people are pretty fucking dumb. I have a very non-mainstream view of sex and gender and the whole man/woman thing. I think I'd get along much better in a gay community. They're generally pretty transgressive just like I am. Outsiders, freethinkers, misfits, pariahs, you know. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. For similar reasons, I'd also probably fit in well in a Jewish community. You know, this diaspora of misfits who has bonded together throughout space and time and has formed almost their own counterculture and places a high value on education and knowledge and intelligence and writing and reading and art and humour and metaphysics and what-have-you.
Incantation is fucking SICK. This is how I now get through the day.
I can't believe not a single faggot from Home Depot has called me. I'm sure as hell not gonna call them. Like I WANT to work at that shithole. Those faggots can lick my fucking asshole. Fuck them up their fucking faggot asses.
I might even do a myspace-style survey because it's really one of those days.
I've been drawn to Death Metal lately. Probably because it's a great form for when you're feeling angry, aggressive, frustrated, etc; and looking for a slightly different style of "brvtality" than black metal.
Well, this is a lie. I'm not really listening to "Death Metal" in general, but rather INCANTATION in particular. They are a sick, brutal, classic band that just happens to be Death Metal. They keep it Really Real.
(It's all about 2:03 onward. Classick.)
Yeah, I know posting songs is obnoxious and a bit insulting, because I often find it obnoxious and insulting when someone presents a song for me to listen to: Come on! Don't you know how much I hate bands and music, and that I have to be in the Exact Right Mood in order to listen to Anything? Well, I guess, I post the songs largely for my benefit, such that I could one day make some "SIBHoD" mix cd's. Because I love mix cd's.
Incantation is one of those rare bands I don't hate. They're the antithesis of "popular." I've seen them live twice and will gladly go to see them again and again. The audience is always a sausage-fest of unkempt, uneducated death-metalheads; however there's something about INCANTATION that generates solidarity among this fanbase. The band always rocks their balls off and everybody has a ridiculously good time. The guys in the band are very down to earth and you're highly likely to see them wandering around the club rather unobtrusively; or you might casually look around during an opening band and see one of the guys from freaking INCANTATION standing next to you. They've pretty much pioneered this ultra-crushing form of death metal and have been around for about 18 years, yet they do not have a big head about it whatsoever. They are passionate, dedicated, relentlessly touring, yet they still come across as regular guys. 18 year-old girls do not throw themselves at them. And I've never heard a heavier, punishinger death metal concert. They set the standard. LUV these guys.
It's easy to develop a lot of bad habits, and to keep doing them until we have fallen into pretty shittastic health. Eating shitty food, drinking too much, smoking too many cigarettes, not getting enough sleep, not getting enough exercise, not having enough general positive energy and positive experiences, becoming inured to being angry and stressed and bitter about everything. Life doesn't have to be this way, although sometimes it seems there can be no other way.
I do think having a job you don't hate and a relationship you don't hate can go a long ways towards encouraging a more optimistic perspective, though. I'm a bit of an old-fashioned guy in the respect that I think it's okay and natural to feel lonely once in a while - that's it's okay and natural to get tired of being a "wack single" and to have a desire to partner-up with somebody for a while. I think it's a reasonable thing for us, as humans, to seek. At the end of the day, it's not necessarily a bad thing to be with somebody special who appreciates us as somebody special too. I don't think you can get that feeling out of "random play", or even good ol'-fashioned platonic friendship.
Yes, there is a difference between the "synergy" effect of "uniting" with someone, and being "needy" in that clearly negative way. I suppose, though, we could say this "synergy" is neediness's Good Twin, its Dr. Jekyll - here one finds someone good-for-them; and the special manner of reinforcement the partner offers can push one above-and-beyond what they thought they were capable of. All I'm saying is, it's a unique form of satisfaction and contentment that cannot be derived from material/economic achievements, or from purely sensualistic indulgences, or even from general humanitarianism. (I've got a certain Blues Brothers song going through my head right now...)
I was reading a book by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who did that great show on TLC, "Shalom In the Home." They always cancel my favourite shows! Shmuley is so overbearing and so Jewish and rather annoying, but I find him endearing in the end, and I appreciate his genuineness and lack of pretense. In other words, he keeps it Pretty Real, and I don't Hate him.
I was watching the Roast of Bob Saget on Comedy Central the other night. I usually like Roasts for the obvious reasons. Comedians tearing each other a new asshole making the most politically incorrect, homophobic/homoerotic ("fag!") insults about one another. It's immaturity par excellence. People making fun of sexuality and weight and age and colour and all sorts of horribly offensive stuff that you usually can't get away with on TV. Not to mention they had a pretty sick dais that included people like Norm MacDonald and Jon Lovitz. Classic comics who have just fallen off the face of the earth. Norm M was absolutely ridiculous, nonchalantly reading a newspaper and looking completely unfazed while people made fun of his gambling addiction.
Oh yeah. I like Jeff Garlin ("Curb Your Enthusiasm"), I find him wholly endearing/lovable/etc. His movie "Someone to eat cheese with" was worth noting. Not the greatest movie ever, but definitely worth renting and watching. A quiet, unobnoxious, rather sweet little comedy that is a little bit Woody Allenesque. Hmm. I think I may have already plugged this movie in a SIBHoD before.
I am not like other people. I don't like people. I don't like shopping. I don't like sports. I don't like many of the things that most people like. I don't like Nickelback. I don't think most people are that cool. I think most people's careers are laughable. I think most people are pretty fucking dumb. I have a very non-mainstream view of sex and gender and the whole man/woman thing. I think I'd get along much better in a gay community. They're generally pretty transgressive just like I am. Outsiders, freethinkers, misfits, pariahs, you know. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. For similar reasons, I'd also probably fit in well in a Jewish community. You know, this diaspora of misfits who has bonded together throughout space and time and has formed almost their own counterculture and places a high value on education and knowledge and intelligence and writing and reading and art and humour and metaphysics and what-have-you.
Incantation is fucking SICK. This is how I now get through the day.
I can't believe not a single faggot from Home Depot has called me. I'm sure as hell not gonna call them. Like I WANT to work at that shithole. Those faggots can lick my fucking asshole. Fuck them up their fucking faggot asses.
Friday, August 22, 2008
i'll crawl over fifty good pussies just to fuck one fat boy's asshole
If You haven't heard this song, then, go, make Your life complete.
"Stagger Lee" is basically the ultimate "manly-man bad-ass motherfucker" story. He's also mean, nasty, brutish, and bloodthirsty. Kind of an urban legend which has lent himself really well to retelling through the majesty of song, the finest of which is indisputably Nick Cave's version. This was in '95 or so, when Nick Cave was still relevant, still being taken seriously: perhaps at the height of his popularity with "Murder Ballads."
It's a good sitting-in-traffic song, when you want to get out of your car and start gunning down all the fucking faggots in their fucking cars. About the only thing wrong with the song is that he never uses the word "faggot" and it really seems like he should; Stagger Lee would obv be so macho and hateful that he'd call everybody "faggots". Like Your Humble Bloggeur does.
I was going to photoshop this picture, but then I realized it pretty much makes all possible/necessary jokes by itself -as it is - without me cheapening it with "witty" captions, which, no doubt, would betray prejudices and ignorances and insecurities better left unbetrayed.
You don't even have to be a Racist to think that picture's funny.
(But it doesn't hurt.)
Being the mad fan of iced-tea as I am, and being an unswerving fan of Arnold Palmers,
I'm pretty embarrassed that it took me this long to reach what should be a pretty obvious "epiphany": to make my own fucking Arnold Palmers right at home!
Of course, I use Crystal Light lemonade because it has like 10 calories per serving vs Country Time Sugarwater which has like 100. Fucking obese little kids and their fucking Country Time Guts. Little fuckholes.
Yes, I would describe myself as a Very Angry Person. Very Angry. It doesn't get much Angrier than this, folks. It's not even shtick like that faggot Ed Anger who wrote "The Angry Article" for "The Weekly World News" back in the day. It's pure hatred seething through my veins. If I had medical insurance I would seek professional counselling. Until then, I drink and I write and I listen to Notorious B.I.G. and hateful black metal.
The good news is, The SIBHoD/k.c. had His interview today, and it did not go horrifyingly bad. It went way better than He/I expected. It was probably the best interview I've had since . . . . . . . . wowee.
And after Moar Escapist Drinking of The Steel Reserve last night, to boot! To wit!
The people were not complete assholes and even seemed pretty Nice. They didn't try to blatantly break my balls. I wore a nice new tie (TITS) and sat up straight and smiled and made eye contact and tried not to nervously ramble too much. I tried to address obvious "difficulties" one might have with my resume/"career path." I was talking to two people, one of which was the Director of the Department, and he seemed even more nervous than I was. With his polo shirt.
I'm a little bit afraid that the job is too good to be true: data entry? punching numbers into a computer? Don't need specific business or accounting education? I'm qualified just from having a fucking "liberal arts" degree? Liberal Arts BA's know how to do data entry and use Excel? Full-time job? "SALARY NEGOTIATIONS?" "BENEFITS?" Climate-controlled office? People aren't running around pissed and stressed all day like chickens with their heads cut off? Their website talks about "company conscience" and treating their employees like a "family"? WTF kind of twilight zone is this? It's not like I went to fucking Harvard! Shouldn't I be hating my job/life at some retail/restaurant job I had to suck dick for?
Which I worry I still will have to do because this shit sounds too good to be believed. What's the fucking catch?
I constantly underestimate the feelings of uselessness one gets when they are UNEMPLOYED. Or, It's just so fucking horrifying and overwhelming I'm too afraid to even think about it. But it's not until I finally had an interview that wasn't a total clusterfuck, that I can take a step back, examine my recent life, and say: "Good god, I have been severely depressed for quite some time."
Of course, I was pretty severely depressed too when I was working jobs I hated. Wake up horrified, struggle through the day, feel completely unappreciated and disrespected, get out and get drunk. "Fuck My Life." Total Bukowskiville.
I can't even tell you how much I wouldn't mind a change of pace.
I told the people I wanted to eventually get a masters degree and become a "marriage counselor". It can be tricky saying you'd like to continue your education because many places will write you off for not wanting to be married to your job.Education is a liability to them. Other places (few and far between!) might respect the individual's desire for education. Because, honestly, a little education never KILLED anyone. What SMRT person would deny it? I made it clear that I wanted to save money for evening school; this way I was able to explain why I hadn't been "working in my field" and also that I didn't want to ultimately "waste my degree" but that I was moar-than-dedicated to putting The Company first. Ha!
Either way, fucking salary and benefits would be fucking bitchtits. I've never had a salary or benefits. Just the fucking hourly wage, bitch. The second I get benefits, I'm marching straight into the doctor's office and getting boatloads of Xanax. Maybe even score some Fentanyl. Yeah, I'm the guy you want to hire.
Meanwhile, I'm getting background-checked right now, and those people are reading the SIBHoD right now. Well, better to be not-even-hired than fired, I guess.
You know that I take Freedom of Speech very, very, very, very, very, very deadly seriously. Like gun nuts are to guns, I'm a Freedom of Speech Nut.
Well, if this doesn't work, I pretty much have Home Depot On Lock. I checked every fucking box, every fucking location, & made myself sound like the happiest, most outgoing corporate slave Evar. They can lick my fucking asshole.
This batch of Arnold Palmer isn't nearly as good as my last. Maybe moar Crystal Light?
Damn. I would become a fucking WORKAHOLIC if it distracted my mind from my fucking COCK. Er, I mean Lust for Hot Make-Out Action. Er, I mean Libido.
Can I talk for a minute about how fucking pathetic Okcupid is? It makes me physically sick. I really should delete that shit Right Now. But there is this morbid train-wreckish fascination with the pathetic. If I ever "date" somebody I meet on Teh fucking Intranets, remind me to blow my fucking brains out. I'd almost rather never "date" anybody for the rest of my life.
I've talked about Krohm before. This is a one-man "depressive black metal" band from Seattle. I could compare him to Burzum...but almost even better. Definitely a more proficient musician, yet he does play with great tact and restraint - maturity. He's an excellent drummer, an excellent guitarist, a darn good pianist, and has a fucking sick, sick voice. He might just be my favourite person ever.
I found out about him Way Back In The Day: when he played keyboards in Evoken, a ridiculous doom metal band from New Jersey. (Somehow I learned he'd also played drums with the classically-named "The Meat Shits".) I found out he had a "side-project" that was solo, grim black metal. This was like 2001ish, before music piracy was Rampant. I emailed him and he snailmailed me his entire Oeuvre, which at that time was just two demos. Two sick demos. They don't make demos like this any more, folks. He even wrote me a nice letter too. (I hope I still have that lying around.) Real Cool Guy, I thought.
You know how I hate the metal scene and how idiotic metal people are. But this guy's SMRT. He graduated from Rutgers and has been pretty progressively-responsible in an "internet media" field. Yes, I scoped-out his LinkedIn. (WTF? Metal people don't know about LinkedIn! Metal people are either uneducated unemployed alcoholics or uneducated construction-working alcoholics!) So here's this educated, well-adjusted, pretty-professionally-successful guy, who in his Spare Time, not only writes and records some of the sickest, Realest Black Metal Evar, but he also plays devastatingly Brvtal drums for this Seattle Death Metal band called "Drawn and Quartered." Yup, I usually HATAR death metal, but I downloaded that stuff just to hear him. The kid can play pretty fucking fast. I might actually find myself liking a death metal album here with "Hail Infernal Darkness".
He looks pretty Smokin' Hawt in the clip, btw.
Honestly. Probably my favorite musician/band-guy. He plays in a submental metal band, but behind it all, he has this ridiculous trve kvlt black metal solo-project AND he's Smrt AND he's got all his shit together in life AND he doesn't seem like a huge idiotic douchebag like most guys in bands. Maybe I'm secretly hoping he's gay so we can go down to Cali and get married. I think he's married to some girl, though.
Well, since we do pictures of our celebcrushes now:
Kind of looks like Dave Grohl or some shit. But way more makeoutwithable, and fully 6,000,000 times more awesome and admirable. This guy wipes his ass with Dave Grohl's face. If I ever went to Seattle I'd probably non-creepily try to meet this guy, and he'd probably not even get too big a head about it.
A Real Admirable band guy. It's not every day you find one of those.
Let's say you're a graphic designer, or just somebody who has done some freelance graphic design work. Apparently you can get FUCKED IN THE ASS if you use an unlicensed version of Photoshop to do any of the work. And there's some way "they" can find out, too. What A World (VII) !
So I'll respectfully leave Youall with some Bukowski, and hope You will eat, drink, and be merry.
"Stagger Lee" is basically the ultimate "manly-man bad-ass motherfucker" story. He's also mean, nasty, brutish, and bloodthirsty. Kind of an urban legend which has lent himself really well to retelling through the majesty of song, the finest of which is indisputably Nick Cave's version. This was in '95 or so, when Nick Cave was still relevant, still being taken seriously: perhaps at the height of his popularity with "Murder Ballads."
It's a good sitting-in-traffic song, when you want to get out of your car and start gunning down all the fucking faggots in their fucking cars. About the only thing wrong with the song is that he never uses the word "faggot" and it really seems like he should; Stagger Lee would obv be so macho and hateful that he'd call everybody "faggots". Like Your Humble Bloggeur does.
I was going to photoshop this picture, but then I realized it pretty much makes all possible/necessary jokes by itself -as it is - without me cheapening it with "witty" captions, which, no doubt, would betray prejudices and ignorances and insecurities better left unbetrayed.
You don't even have to be a Racist to think that picture's funny.
(But it doesn't hurt.)
Being the mad fan of iced-tea as I am, and being an unswerving fan of Arnold Palmers,
I'm pretty embarrassed that it took me this long to reach what should be a pretty obvious "epiphany": to make my own fucking Arnold Palmers right at home!
Of course, I use Crystal Light lemonade because it has like 10 calories per serving vs Country Time Sugarwater which has like 100. Fucking obese little kids and their fucking Country Time Guts. Little fuckholes.
Yes, I would describe myself as a Very Angry Person. Very Angry. It doesn't get much Angrier than this, folks. It's not even shtick like that faggot Ed Anger who wrote "The Angry Article" for "The Weekly World News" back in the day. It's pure hatred seething through my veins. If I had medical insurance I would seek professional counselling. Until then, I drink and I write and I listen to Notorious B.I.G. and hateful black metal.
The good news is, The SIBHoD/k.c. had His interview today, and it did not go horrifyingly bad. It went way better than He/I expected. It was probably the best interview I've had since . . . . . . . . wowee.
And after Moar Escapist Drinking of The Steel Reserve last night, to boot! To wit!
The people were not complete assholes and even seemed pretty Nice. They didn't try to blatantly break my balls. I wore a nice new tie (TITS) and sat up straight and smiled and made eye contact and tried not to nervously ramble too much. I tried to address obvious "difficulties" one might have with my resume/"career path." I was talking to two people, one of which was the Director of the Department, and he seemed even more nervous than I was. With his polo shirt.
I'm a little bit afraid that the job is too good to be true: data entry? punching numbers into a computer? Don't need specific business or accounting education? I'm qualified just from having a fucking "liberal arts" degree? Liberal Arts BA's know how to do data entry and use Excel? Full-time job? "SALARY NEGOTIATIONS?" "BENEFITS?" Climate-controlled office? People aren't running around pissed and stressed all day like chickens with their heads cut off? Their website talks about "company conscience" and treating their employees like a "family"? WTF kind of twilight zone is this? It's not like I went to fucking Harvard! Shouldn't I be hating my job/life at some retail/restaurant job I had to suck dick for?
Which I worry I still will have to do because this shit sounds too good to be believed. What's the fucking catch?
I constantly underestimate the feelings of uselessness one gets when they are UNEMPLOYED. Or, It's just so fucking horrifying and overwhelming I'm too afraid to even think about it. But it's not until I finally had an interview that wasn't a total clusterfuck, that I can take a step back, examine my recent life, and say: "Good god, I have been severely depressed for quite some time."
Of course, I was pretty severely depressed too when I was working jobs I hated. Wake up horrified, struggle through the day, feel completely unappreciated and disrespected, get out and get drunk. "Fuck My Life." Total Bukowskiville.
I can't even tell you how much I wouldn't mind a change of pace.
I told the people I wanted to eventually get a masters degree and become a "marriage counselor". It can be tricky saying you'd like to continue your education because many places will write you off for not wanting to be married to your job.Education is a liability to them. Other places (few and far between!) might respect the individual's desire for education. Because, honestly, a little education never KILLED anyone. What SMRT person would deny it? I made it clear that I wanted to save money for evening school; this way I was able to explain why I hadn't been "working in my field" and also that I didn't want to ultimately "waste my degree" but that I was moar-than-dedicated to putting The Company first. Ha!
Either way, fucking salary and benefits would be fucking bitchtits. I've never had a salary or benefits. Just the fucking hourly wage, bitch. The second I get benefits, I'm marching straight into the doctor's office and getting boatloads of Xanax. Maybe even score some Fentanyl. Yeah, I'm the guy you want to hire.
Meanwhile, I'm getting background-checked right now, and those people are reading the SIBHoD right now. Well, better to be not-even-hired than fired, I guess.
You know that I take Freedom of Speech very, very, very, very, very, very deadly seriously. Like gun nuts are to guns, I'm a Freedom of Speech Nut.
Well, if this doesn't work, I pretty much have Home Depot On Lock. I checked every fucking box, every fucking location, & made myself sound like the happiest, most outgoing corporate slave Evar. They can lick my fucking asshole.
This batch of Arnold Palmer isn't nearly as good as my last. Maybe moar Crystal Light?
Damn. I would become a fucking WORKAHOLIC if it distracted my mind from my fucking COCK. Er, I mean Lust for Hot Make-Out Action. Er, I mean Libido.
Can I talk for a minute about how fucking pathetic Okcupid is? It makes me physically sick. I really should delete that shit Right Now. But there is this morbid train-wreckish fascination with the pathetic. If I ever "date" somebody I meet on Teh fucking Intranets, remind me to blow my fucking brains out. I'd almost rather never "date" anybody for the rest of my life.
I've talked about Krohm before. This is a one-man "depressive black metal" band from Seattle. I could compare him to Burzum...but almost even better. Definitely a more proficient musician, yet he does play with great tact and restraint - maturity. He's an excellent drummer, an excellent guitarist, a darn good pianist, and has a fucking sick, sick voice. He might just be my favourite person ever.
I found out about him Way Back In The Day: when he played keyboards in Evoken, a ridiculous doom metal band from New Jersey. (Somehow I learned he'd also played drums with the classically-named "The Meat Shits".) I found out he had a "side-project" that was solo, grim black metal. This was like 2001ish, before music piracy was Rampant. I emailed him and he snailmailed me his entire Oeuvre, which at that time was just two demos. Two sick demos. They don't make demos like this any more, folks. He even wrote me a nice letter too. (I hope I still have that lying around.) Real Cool Guy, I thought.
You know how I hate the metal scene and how idiotic metal people are. But this guy's SMRT. He graduated from Rutgers and has been pretty progressively-responsible in an "internet media" field. Yes, I scoped-out his LinkedIn. (WTF? Metal people don't know about LinkedIn! Metal people are either uneducated unemployed alcoholics or uneducated construction-working alcoholics!) So here's this educated, well-adjusted, pretty-professionally-successful guy, who in his Spare Time, not only writes and records some of the sickest, Realest Black Metal Evar, but he also plays devastatingly Brvtal drums for this Seattle Death Metal band called "Drawn and Quartered." Yup, I usually HATAR death metal, but I downloaded that stuff just to hear him. The kid can play pretty fucking fast. I might actually find myself liking a death metal album here with "Hail Infernal Darkness".
He looks pretty Smokin' Hawt in the clip, btw.
Honestly. Probably my favorite musician/band-guy. He plays in a submental metal band, but behind it all, he has this ridiculous trve kvlt black metal solo-project AND he's Smrt AND he's got all his shit together in life AND he doesn't seem like a huge idiotic douchebag like most guys in bands. Maybe I'm secretly hoping he's gay so we can go down to Cali and get married. I think he's married to some girl, though.
Well, since we do pictures of our celebcrushes now:
Kind of looks like Dave Grohl or some shit. But way more makeoutwithable, and fully 6,000,000 times more awesome and admirable. This guy wipes his ass with Dave Grohl's face. If I ever went to Seattle I'd probably non-creepily try to meet this guy, and he'd probably not even get too big a head about it.
A Real Admirable band guy. It's not every day you find one of those.
Let's say you're a graphic designer, or just somebody who has done some freelance graphic design work. Apparently you can get FUCKED IN THE ASS if you use an unlicensed version of Photoshop to do any of the work. And there's some way "they" can find out, too. What A World (VII) !
So I'll respectfully leave Youall with some Bukowski, and hope You will eat, drink, and be merry.
backups
in this modern age of love/sex
relationships
we are all very clever.
in case we don't work, she tells me,
I have 4 backups.
4? well, that's good, I say.
how many you got? she asks.
well, now-
one and
two and, ah, there's, yes, 3,
and the one in Berkeley, that's 4,
and there's yes, there's
5. 5, that's
it.
I stare at her.
she blinks.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
i woke up in a soho doorway
Just to get all the unpleasantries out of the way up front:
I don't understand most things. I don't understand people who don't hate their jobs, and who don't want to blow their brains out, and who get along with their families, and who don't have lingering issues with anger and ignorant hopeless hatred, and who have a "relationship" that lasts more than a month and which is less than 51% dysfunctionally fucked, and who have a libido, and who are "turned-on" by their partners and aren't constantly always on the lookout to trade-up to someone better, and who get along with their bosses, and who don't feel suffocated and trapped, and who don't have a Life M.O. that can be reduced to "work your shitty job for 40 years and be miserable until you Die", and who aren't always angry and who aren't ragingly bitter and passive-aggressive, and who don't drink to escape their life, and who feel like they "belong" or "fit in" in their job/environment/social circle/relationships/life. I don't understand these people At All.
The obvious problem with insecurity is that you're never allowed to show it. This actually isn't much of a problem, as I can understand not wanting to be inundated with others' insecurities, especially in blog form. Insecurites are not fun nor are they funny. Why do you think overly insecure people cannot Pull? Because they're not funny or fun, always moaning about their issues! What I think is funny, is that you have to essentially put on such a big show in order to get people to want to be around you, and then you continue the show to gain their trust to the point where you can start divulging more and more insecurities.
Bottom line: I don't think people should be ashamed or afraid of their insecurities. These are valuable issues that are basically screaming to teach us something about ourselves. Why do you think they're even there?
Still, no one wants to be "that guy", always wailing and complaining. "Just shut the fuck up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do something about it". Yeah, well, sew buttons. After getting violently angry yesterday, I applied myself to about 6,000,000,000 shittastic jobs. Who then now, bitches. I'm not about to elaborate on a "snide" remark about all the hilarious intellectual jokes I'll be able to make with the GED wastoids/paedophiles at WAL-MART.
"Well, just go back to school and make something of yourself, then." Simply got to make money first. And, as a high-achieving adolescent who got a degree from a "HIGHLY SELECTIVE UNIVERSITY", something makes me feel nauseous about being a 25-year-old man in a "TRADE SCHOOL." Nothing against trade-school "types", but, oh well, I just felt like moaning about how everything turned out 180 degrees away from how I thought it would turn out. Or has it? When you grow up seeing everyone in the world around you basically being miserable with everything in their lives, you figure you're gonna grow up to be miserable too.
Ha, Ha, Ha. I'm just worried about my libido, mainly. I don't get people who "date." I meet about one person per year at most who I wouldn't hate dating. I signed up for Okcupid again, perhaps to prove to myself there actually are interesting, dateworthy people in the world. Nope. Not in that world. I'm going to delete that shit again Real soon. Yesterday. I've seen people in good relationships and people in bad relationships. And let's just say the majority of what I've seen gravitates towards the latter. Nein Danke!
I had an old long-gone family member who was "The Bachelor", i.e., he worked at his job faithfully, got his pension, and neverever married. Lived alone, died alone. Gentle, kind soul, too. He didn't seem overly miserable. But some people have been known to attempt to mask and alleviate their misery through being gentle and kind (even if it doesn't really Work.) Maybe he was gay. Maybe he just never met anyone he really liked, and then you're 40 then 50 then 60 then retired then 70 then dead.
So I hope he was having all sorts of covert wild gay make-out parties. And not necessarily touching little boys' buttholes.
Well, I always tell the same ol' joke about the Leper and the Hooker and "Keeping the Tip", so I don't want to use That Joke (to bring up the Mood, You understand.)
The one thing that bothers me about The Who is that they probably Got Laid wayyy too much. This is the problem with too many bands.
Hmm. Crabby squeamishness is apparently what happens when I write The SIBHoD before doing my daily "physical activity." Got to put things in the right order next time.
Oh yeah. I was going to talk about books. The main one was "Prozac Backlash" by (Blank?) Glenmullen, an M.D. at Harvard. This was probably THE primary book that came out taking a strong stance against the somewhat-new psychiatric "miracle drugs", i.e., SSRI's such as Prozac and similars.
Hmm. I just got a call from a manufacturing company, which I just-barely remember applying to, for an interview on Friday. Better do some "due diligence research" and show 'em how interested I am in their company and their $8.00/hr job! At any rate, I'm confident my "don't-give-a-fuck" attitude will serve me better than the "extremely nervous" demeanor which has led me to ingloriously bomb all previous interviews (at places honestly more inglorious than an $8.00/hr manufacturing job. Looks like I found my life's calling for the next 40 years, so I can be a respectable man, be miserable, and live and die alone!)
Hallo insecurities! Haaayyy!
Anyway, "Prozac Backlash" basically speaks out against the "miracle drug" marketing of SSRI's and suggests that there may be long-term deleterious effects of the drugs than have been glossed-over by Big Pharm in the obvious interest of taking the baudrillion$ and running. Which has biased research and funding and all sorts of other nightmares.
Glenmullen is a huge fan of more natural approaches, such as psychotherapy and life-changes and actually working to resolve the issues that drive people to get the drugs in the first place. I really can't blame him, either. It's a pretty good position to have. Of course, the people who would benefit most from therapy absolutely cannot afford it. Especially when they can get a miracle drug for 4 dollars a month at the local discount pharmacy.
What a stupid gay country.
Maybe I can't get a government job because "certain people" have seen The SIBHoD and have quite rightfully decided that my perspectives are not what you could call ideally Amerikkkan. It would take some string-pulling to link Your Anonymous K.C. with this SIBHoD, but I'm sure in the interests of National Security it could well be done. Whatever. Free Speech Motherfuckers!
Yeah, "Prozac Backlash" was a very compelling book which I wouldn't mind putting in my collection permanente. Because of course, I don't really "read" books any more, more than I gloss-through them and read bits and pieces to see if the book might be worth my time. Well, this book is soundly more than halfways worthy of my time! Read it!
Then I started reading "Pharmacracy" by the controversial psychiatrist Thomas Szasz ("The Myth of Mental Illness") which, from the flap/blurbs had a very interesting premise: that government takes what are essentially personal problems and turns them into "diseases" for which we can cure with a pill. I guess the worst-case scenario is some Brave-New-World, 1984 type government, where it's not so much Big Brother as it is Big Mother, giving/selling you the cure for everything in pharmaceutical form. Provocative topic from a pretty provocative guy, but I found the writing so dense that I couldn't even gloss-over it. Give me the Cliffs Notes version. Better, give me the Graphic Novel.
Maybe I'll find a way with the prospect of this interview on Friday to put-off applying for Moar Crap Jobs today.
I'm not usually this crabby. I think it may have something to do with drinking last night. It was good-natured drinking combined with good talks, good times, and good people, but still the indulgence may have contributed to my crabbiness. Live 'n' Learn! The More You Know!
The National "Slow Show"
One of my current jamz. Of course, these guys probably get laid more than The Who. But as long as all their drunken escapist one-night-stands enable them to write such wistful little ditties like the above, then I guess I can't condemn their actions too much. This is one of the few bands I actually don't hate.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
CARNAGE!!!
Haranguing, hand-wringing harbinger of harrowing horrors.
I have been attempting, semi-successfully, to occupy myself with things other than The SIBHoD, but after a solid couple days off, I can no longer resist the call. Don't want to resist it.
I had some good topic ideas but I have forgotten them all.
The past couple of days I have seen some good old friends and revisited some rather influential locations with respect to the SIBHoD's historical world. Always great times with great folks, but I'm finding it is imperative not to spend excessive time in this environment, as the nostalgia can swell to a fever pitch. This is when you know it's time to go.
Currently I'm in a bit of terrifying torpor which suggests that I should get outside and do something moderately physical. Still, I'd like to wrist-out a "quick" SIBHoD to prepare myself.
I figured I'd talk about the 4 or more movies I watched yesterday. It's that or do a lame MySpace survey in which I fight the eternal struggle of to-give-or-not-to-give just-barely censored accounts of my libido & the lack thereof. See, I should censor that there sentence right there. But I figure I'll just talk about the movies and perhaps manage to sprinkle a dash of Squeamish Personal Angle in there somewhere.
Movies, as we well know, are horrendously boring. Sometimes the best we can hope for is a welcome distraction from whatever has occupied our mind, and even the most boring movie is a healthier "distraction" than, say, getting hammered or eating 10 fried chickens.
We agreed to watch "In the Land of Women." I'm of course a sucker for some "girly" films and I could have never watched something like this with someone less "girly." Plus I've been smitten with Kristen Stewart ever since "Speak." Plus there was probably a bit of "schadenfruede" in seeing "What happened to Meg Ryan." Well, she got some inglorious plastic surgery and has not aged with the greatest of grace, unfortunately. Just, like, my opinion, man.
There was not nearly enough Kristen Stewart. Plus her character was too one-dimensional. In fact, there was this "flat soda" feeling to the movie that ultimately left me feeling unfulfilled, despite some promising moments. Adam Brody of apparent "The OC" fame plays the main man, a writer of "Soft-core erotica" films who moves far from LA so he can live with his senile, dying grandmother and work on his "meisterwerk" in which he wants to construct'n'claim a fictional adolescence to replace the "nontraditional" development he faced in an "alternative" bourgey LA highschool.
Because why would you want to replace teenage years in which you listened to your emotional songs and still got bourge college-bound teenage tail without having to be a retarded meathead jock?
So there were many predictable "O RLY" moments. I'm honestly being a bit harsh; I wanted to enjoy the movie much more than I actually did. Brody wasn't even as annoying as I expected him to be, and there was a lot of funny death-related dialogue with his grandmother. And Kristen Stewart, of course, looked angelic. I felt a little uncomfortable with all the bare-midriff short-shirt scenes, but that's my problem alone.
Much of the dialogue was so corny and forced and contrived blabla. However I didn't feel compelled to "walk out" of the movie because I simply wanted to see what ridiculousness would happen next.
People are talking about the director Jonathan Kasdan like he might be the next big thing, what with his new movie "The Wackness" and all, but, I dunno. If I were watching this by myself I don't know if I would have been able to withstand this one. It was under 100 minutes though, so it did have that going for it.
There was some half-wise screening of "Being John Malkovich," the enjoyment and cleverness of which I had completely forgotten. Probably my fave Charlie Kaufman.
Later, trying to ward off more boredom and the frightening prospect of not knowing what to do with myself for the night, I decided a good "horror" flick in a dark room would be just what the Dr. ordered. Maybe something along the lines of "Pulse" (of course I mean the Japanese version.)
The most promising thing offered by OnDemand happened to be "Silent Hill." I've heard some discussion about it recently, and I was surprised it had slipped under my radar when it came out a couple years ago. I was hoping for a nice creepy ghost story.
Plus Radha Mitchell is not overly abrasive on the eyes.
And, not to be a "flaming homosexual", but I think Sean Bean has really reached his peak of manhotness. You might remember him as the villain in "Patriot Games" and as Boromir (Faramir??) from "The Fellowship of the Ring." (Who tragically is killed at the end.) This wasn't even the greatest role for him, i.e., he was arguably "wasted" in a pretty minor role as the husband who gets all of 15 minutes of screen time, but, on the other hand, he saved the role from itself. This guy ages very gracefully. Certain Readers might want to give him a shot. (I was going to post a picture of him, but I found a bunch of girly "eye-candy" photos where he had his shirt off and was looking especially rugged, and posting any of them would make me look ESPECIALLY gay.)
Also, I greatly enjoyed the butch girl-cop. I'm not a fan of cops, but when she lost the helmet and shades and revealed her true tough-grrl hotness, I may have become more of a fan. I'd look up the actress's name but I'm just feeling too lazy right now.
There were several great "WTF" moments and it was generally successful at creating the "eerie, creepy" atmosphere that I was hoping for. Very conscientious art direction here, and everything looked outstanding. Kudos on that. Plus those crusty ashy charred deformed twitching "people" were great. And there's some great violence where people are literally RIPPED APART. Good bloodbath action, that.
The only downside was that it was too fucking long. I could already tell. At like 128 minutes, I knew this would be quite the committment. It was pretty satisfying, though, and I might even watch it again. The dialogue was often very clunky and sometimes seemed very much like the "cinematic interludes" you'd be probably likely to see in the "survival horror" video-game the movie is based on. Which I've never played, but I liked "Resident Evil" way back in the day.
Plus the chick from "BARFLY" plays the evil villainness. Holy Shit. I've never seen her in anything else. Alice Krige or something. She was Chinaski's rich-bitch "patron", living in her "cage with golden bars." She's eminently hatable and Faye Dunaway called her a "west-side bitch [who I'm gonna] separate from her parts." Which figuratively happened in Barfly. In Silent Hill, she meets a dispatch even more in-line with that description, and there is far more blood involved. GREAT over-the-top violent death, but I shan't spoil it any more. I'd rewatch the movie just for the climax.
But I wasn't gonna stop. I was resisting the urge to go buy cheap booze. Cheap Booze is always a bad idea, unless you happen to be partying with friends. Not when you're just sitting around watching movies. Unless you're playing a "Robocop" drinking game with friends, or watching "Manhattan" / "Hannah and Her Sisters" / "Annie Hall" / "Me and You and Everyone We Know" with a cutie.
I figured I might as well "PWN" the OnDemand because I don't have this at my home. I ran across something on HBO called "We Don't Live Here Anymore" starring: Laura Dern, Mark Ruffalo, Naomi Watts, and Peter Krause. A pretty good-looking bunch, there. Plus You know about my Laura Dern crush. Plus I was getting off on the idea of watching two of David Lynch's big-time leading ladies (Dern/Watts) being together in the same movie. (What I'm saying is, if you haven't seen Mulholland Dr and INLAND EMPIRE many times apiece, you've got some serious renting to do.)
I can only remember Mark Ruffalo from "Eternal Sunshine". He possibly was also in "That thing you do" (always a fave of the ladies.) His performance impressed me the most by this movie. It was basically a story of him and LD's marriage falling apart, as he has hot adulterous forest-sex with Naomi Watts, whose own marriage to Peter Krause - quite relevantly, also Ruffalo's BFF - is also crumbling.
"UNHAPPY MARRIAGES" might be a recipe for disaster IRL, but on the screen, it's a recipe for my undying entertainment. I LUV that shit. I'm pretty much obsessed with the theme of miserable "intimate relationships." Couples on the edge of breakup/divorce; arguments; infidelity; distrust; hatred; anger; jealousy. I could make a career watching and reading materials about these type of train-wrecks. In fact, I'm thinking about bringing my fiction career back, and this would be the main theme. People who don't love each other any more, people betraying each other, people who drink too much to escape their loveless relationships, people who delude themselves and surpress their true feelings, men and women who do nothing but argue and act extremely passive-aggressively to each other, with their bitterness and unhappiness not-really-veiled-at-all. I am the world's biggest sucker for this, and it might just be my Favourite Theme Ever. Above politics and balck metal and globalization and psychology and "pseudospirituality" and socioeconomics and all that. Give me some Good Old Fashioned Relationship Drama.
(Perhaps just as much, I also luv innocent stories of adolescent puppy-luv, both bittersweet and just plain sweet. I'm sure the Young Adult section of the library is embarassingly chock-full with these type of short novels on teen-luv, but, once again, as a man a quarter-of-a-century-years-old, I would feel the judgemental eyes of society on me if I spent any adequate amount of time browsing this section for good books. I might have to enlist a Younger Person to be my personal YA-Browser.)
So the movie was based on some Andre Dubus book, which I might have to read. Could you compare Dubus to perhaps Raymond Carver? I'm very wary of reading fiction, but since this deals with my Favourite Themes I might have to give it a try.
Acting was top-notch, everyone was pretty good. Ruffalo impressed me most of all, though, and made me think: "Hmm. Interesting. Had no idea he was such a decent actor." So kudos on that. This may have been the most recommendable movie I saw that day.
I started falling asleep near the end because it was like 3:30 am. Still, I drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night and caught fragments of "The Grudge 2", reminding me I should really watch both of these movies; and, at about 6 am, Woody Allen's tragically-overlooked classic "Crimes and Misdemeanors" came on. This is really one of his top 5, folks; I can't tell you how many times I've seen this one. There's an interesting "Family Guy" reference to it which I'm sure very few people actually got (Stewie's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is a bit of a parody of the Alan Alda character in C&M, with his obnoxious mini-tape recorder and his "Ideas for Farce.") Anyway, C&M is damngood, and one must-see it with their loved ones. So good.
In the morning I watched "Larry Flynt: The Right to Be left Alone" which was an 80 minute documentary produced by either IFC or HBO.
The big surprise was how much I identified and agreed with Flynt. I'd seen "The People vs Larry Flynt" once many, many years ago (Milos Forman FTW!) but, at the current juncture, my entire perception of Flynt was that he was nothing but a misogynistic pornographer. Because, of course, I disagree completely with Flynt on the idea of pornography and I do gravitate towards the same Dworkin/MacKinnon/anti-pornography/radical feminist perspective that he outwardly denigrates. (There was a 10 second sound bite with the Dworkinator herself, and I do wish her perspective was not so casually glossed-over.) I've made my stance clear:
Pornography is more harmful to women than cancer.
Flynt just thinks it's good clean fun and anyone who doesn't like to wrist-one off to some porn is just deluding themselves. Naturally we're presented with adult stars who take this side of the argument and convincingly present themselves as independent, free-thinking, intelligent, liberated women who work in porn out of only their own volition: no coercion, no victimization. And, ya know, I'm sure there are a decent number of these women. But if Flynt can call Dworkin deluded them I'm gonna call this contigent deluded.
Pornography aside, though, Flynt came across as a very intelligent provocateur and iconoclast, and I had to respect that part of his nature. I just really, really wish he would have chose a different avenue than fucking pornography to build his fame on.
And that's about it for the movies. Then I gratefully got outside and played some disc golf in the blazing, muggy heat. That was absolutely necessary.
I've got to get outside again soon and burn some of the "proverbial" calories; I've come to realize when you got a lot of worries on your mind and there's nothing you can realistically do to resolve them right away, running around outside is about the best "distraction" you can come up with. When you're just taking it one day at a time, so to speak. I'll probably find some more action on careerbuilder/monster today hopefully. I've been thinking about volunteering at the hospital; not because I like hospitals (I hate them and they give me the creeps, all the miserable people sick and dying and in extreme pain, etc), but because I might need to suck some administrative dick in order to build some new references and perhaps get my "foot in the door" at some sort of Sweet Office Job.
Like some Nice Ladies could recommend me for a fucking Data Entry job. It's frustrating when you hear stories of "How Fucking Easy it is to Get a Data Entry Job & God Why Am I Wasting My Degree on Such a Boring Unfulfiling Unchallenging Data Entry Job". I will get into a cage-match-to-the-death with some punkasses to get a Nice Boring Unchallenging Data Entry Job. Especially if it allowed me enough money to live in some tiny, cheap studio apartment by myself and a fucking dvd player. (I'd of course Pimp It Out so I could invite "People" over to watch Decent Movies.)
Speaking of Movies, the new Woody Allen movie "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (The one with Javier Bardem and those two sluts) has just come out and I would like to see it. Hint, Hint, Hint.
Someone was telling me that there was a new film by Kyoshi Kurosawa (PULSE/KAIRO) that just came out. I don't know about that, but if You do, I'd likely be into seeing that. I've been jonesin' to get down to the ol' bourgey art theatre lately.
Hmm. Oh yeah. I was reading some ridiculous comix called "High School Confidential: Tough Love" or something, about a teenage boy realizing his gayness, and coming-out, and starting a nice loving relationship with his crush-boy. It was outrageously saccharine and unrealistic, but entertaining and basically feel-good; so I enjoyed that aspect.
You can give me all the shit you want about reading about gayboys, but I don't give a fuck. I identify more with gayboys than with str8boys. People used to call me gay and faggot and weirdo and make fun of me because I wasn't the "typical guy" and because I wasn't popular with the ladies. As far as high-school society was concerned, I practically was gay.
I wasn't really gay, I was just a weirdo and a rebel and a nonconformist and slightly wimpy and Highly Sensitive and also way Transgressive and Individualistic and Introspective, that's all.
What's especially hilarious is that me and my friends have been known to joke: "Life would be a hell of a lot easier if we were gay."
Which is absurd. We don't face ostracization from our families and communities and all the etc that gays put on the line when they decide to come-out.
But, of course, if some rednecks want to think a straight-guy is gay and give him a little queer-bashing for it, then he might as well be gay.
What prompted us to quip that we "wished we were gay" was a general dissatisfaction with women; that all the women we met were so BORING and so TRIFLING and so ANNOYING and NO FUN and UNCOOL and only good for SEX and they were STUPID and UNINTERESTING and BANAL and SUPERFICIAL and SHALLOW and a WASTE OF TIME and UNPLEASANT and NOT FUNNY and DUMB and NOT FUN TO TALK TO or HANG OUT WITH and NOT WORTH LIKING/RESPECTING and; and if we could just be GAY and have SEX with our guy-friends - who, relevantly, were all those cool things that women were not - then we wouldn't ever need to worry about women again. That we were turned-on by T&A was an unchoosable and tragic curse, much like gays were unchoosably born with a socially-stigmatizable libido.
So I guess you could say that we were far too picky with our women. "Lower the Impossible High Standards!" is again the refrain. Well, I have seen people who have done just that. And the results were even more disappointing than I'd imagine they'd be. So I continue to hold up the High Standards. At this point the Standards have become so well-ingrained - my mind and my body have become so monistically unified - that my body simply refuses to respond to someone whose personality I LOATHE. Unfortunately for my libido, I loathe most people's personalities.
Hmm. There's that goddamned libido discussion again. It just keeps popping up no matter how hard I try to keep it down. Wonder what that's all about.
I have been attempting, semi-successfully, to occupy myself with things other than The SIBHoD, but after a solid couple days off, I can no longer resist the call. Don't want to resist it.
I had some good topic ideas but I have forgotten them all.
The past couple of days I have seen some good old friends and revisited some rather influential locations with respect to the SIBHoD's historical world. Always great times with great folks, but I'm finding it is imperative not to spend excessive time in this environment, as the nostalgia can swell to a fever pitch. This is when you know it's time to go.
Currently I'm in a bit of terrifying torpor which suggests that I should get outside and do something moderately physical. Still, I'd like to wrist-out a "quick" SIBHoD to prepare myself.
I figured I'd talk about the 4 or more movies I watched yesterday. It's that or do a lame MySpace survey in which I fight the eternal struggle of to-give-or-not-to-give just-barely censored accounts of my libido & the lack thereof. See, I should censor that there sentence right there. But I figure I'll just talk about the movies and perhaps manage to sprinkle a dash of Squeamish Personal Angle in there somewhere.
Movies, as we well know, are horrendously boring. Sometimes the best we can hope for is a welcome distraction from whatever has occupied our mind, and even the most boring movie is a healthier "distraction" than, say, getting hammered or eating 10 fried chickens.
We agreed to watch "In the Land of Women." I'm of course a sucker for some "girly" films and I could have never watched something like this with someone less "girly." Plus I've been smitten with Kristen Stewart ever since "Speak." Plus there was probably a bit of "schadenfruede" in seeing "What happened to Meg Ryan." Well, she got some inglorious plastic surgery and has not aged with the greatest of grace, unfortunately. Just, like, my opinion, man.
There was not nearly enough Kristen Stewart. Plus her character was too one-dimensional. In fact, there was this "flat soda" feeling to the movie that ultimately left me feeling unfulfilled, despite some promising moments. Adam Brody of apparent "The OC" fame plays the main man, a writer of "Soft-core erotica" films who moves far from LA so he can live with his senile, dying grandmother and work on his "meisterwerk" in which he wants to construct'n'claim a fictional adolescence to replace the "nontraditional" development he faced in an "alternative" bourgey LA highschool.
Because why would you want to replace teenage years in which you listened to your emotional songs and still got bourge college-bound teenage tail without having to be a retarded meathead jock?
So there were many predictable "O RLY" moments. I'm honestly being a bit harsh; I wanted to enjoy the movie much more than I actually did. Brody wasn't even as annoying as I expected him to be, and there was a lot of funny death-related dialogue with his grandmother. And Kristen Stewart, of course, looked angelic. I felt a little uncomfortable with all the bare-midriff short-shirt scenes, but that's my problem alone.
Much of the dialogue was so corny and forced and contrived blabla. However I didn't feel compelled to "walk out" of the movie because I simply wanted to see what ridiculousness would happen next.
People are talking about the director Jonathan Kasdan like he might be the next big thing, what with his new movie "The Wackness" and all, but, I dunno. If I were watching this by myself I don't know if I would have been able to withstand this one. It was under 100 minutes though, so it did have that going for it.
There was some half-wise screening of "Being John Malkovich," the enjoyment and cleverness of which I had completely forgotten. Probably my fave Charlie Kaufman.
Later, trying to ward off more boredom and the frightening prospect of not knowing what to do with myself for the night, I decided a good "horror" flick in a dark room would be just what the Dr. ordered. Maybe something along the lines of "Pulse" (of course I mean the Japanese version.)
The most promising thing offered by OnDemand happened to be "Silent Hill." I've heard some discussion about it recently, and I was surprised it had slipped under my radar when it came out a couple years ago. I was hoping for a nice creepy ghost story.
Plus Radha Mitchell is not overly abrasive on the eyes.
And, not to be a "flaming homosexual", but I think Sean Bean has really reached his peak of manhotness. You might remember him as the villain in "Patriot Games" and as Boromir (Faramir??) from "The Fellowship of the Ring." (Who tragically is killed at the end.) This wasn't even the greatest role for him, i.e., he was arguably "wasted" in a pretty minor role as the husband who gets all of 15 minutes of screen time, but, on the other hand, he saved the role from itself. This guy ages very gracefully. Certain Readers might want to give him a shot. (I was going to post a picture of him, but I found a bunch of girly "eye-candy" photos where he had his shirt off and was looking especially rugged, and posting any of them would make me look ESPECIALLY gay.)
Also, I greatly enjoyed the butch girl-cop. I'm not a fan of cops, but when she lost the helmet and shades and revealed her true tough-grrl hotness, I may have become more of a fan. I'd look up the actress's name but I'm just feeling too lazy right now.
There were several great "WTF" moments and it was generally successful at creating the "eerie, creepy" atmosphere that I was hoping for. Very conscientious art direction here, and everything looked outstanding. Kudos on that. Plus those crusty ashy charred deformed twitching "people" were great. And there's some great violence where people are literally RIPPED APART. Good bloodbath action, that.
The only downside was that it was too fucking long. I could already tell. At like 128 minutes, I knew this would be quite the committment. It was pretty satisfying, though, and I might even watch it again. The dialogue was often very clunky and sometimes seemed very much like the "cinematic interludes" you'd be probably likely to see in the "survival horror" video-game the movie is based on. Which I've never played, but I liked "Resident Evil" way back in the day.
Plus the chick from "BARFLY" plays the evil villainness. Holy Shit. I've never seen her in anything else. Alice Krige or something. She was Chinaski's rich-bitch "patron", living in her "cage with golden bars." She's eminently hatable and Faye Dunaway called her a "west-side bitch [who I'm gonna] separate from her parts." Which figuratively happened in Barfly. In Silent Hill, she meets a dispatch even more in-line with that description, and there is far more blood involved. GREAT over-the-top violent death, but I shan't spoil it any more. I'd rewatch the movie just for the climax.
But I wasn't gonna stop. I was resisting the urge to go buy cheap booze. Cheap Booze is always a bad idea, unless you happen to be partying with friends. Not when you're just sitting around watching movies. Unless you're playing a "Robocop" drinking game with friends, or watching "Manhattan" / "Hannah and Her Sisters" / "Annie Hall" / "Me and You and Everyone We Know" with a cutie.
I figured I might as well "PWN" the OnDemand because I don't have this at my home. I ran across something on HBO called "We Don't Live Here Anymore" starring: Laura Dern, Mark Ruffalo, Naomi Watts, and Peter Krause. A pretty good-looking bunch, there. Plus You know about my Laura Dern crush. Plus I was getting off on the idea of watching two of David Lynch's big-time leading ladies (Dern/Watts) being together in the same movie. (What I'm saying is, if you haven't seen Mulholland Dr and INLAND EMPIRE many times apiece, you've got some serious renting to do.)
I can only remember Mark Ruffalo from "Eternal Sunshine". He possibly was also in "That thing you do" (always a fave of the ladies.) His performance impressed me the most by this movie. It was basically a story of him and LD's marriage falling apart, as he has hot adulterous forest-sex with Naomi Watts, whose own marriage to Peter Krause - quite relevantly, also Ruffalo's BFF - is also crumbling.
"UNHAPPY MARRIAGES" might be a recipe for disaster IRL, but on the screen, it's a recipe for my undying entertainment. I LUV that shit. I'm pretty much obsessed with the theme of miserable "intimate relationships." Couples on the edge of breakup/divorce; arguments; infidelity; distrust; hatred; anger; jealousy. I could make a career watching and reading materials about these type of train-wrecks. In fact, I'm thinking about bringing my fiction career back, and this would be the main theme. People who don't love each other any more, people betraying each other, people who drink too much to escape their loveless relationships, people who delude themselves and surpress their true feelings, men and women who do nothing but argue and act extremely passive-aggressively to each other, with their bitterness and unhappiness not-really-veiled-at-all. I am the world's biggest sucker for this, and it might just be my Favourite Theme Ever. Above politics and balck metal and globalization and psychology and "pseudospirituality" and socioeconomics and all that. Give me some Good Old Fashioned Relationship Drama.
(Perhaps just as much, I also luv innocent stories of adolescent puppy-luv, both bittersweet and just plain sweet. I'm sure the Young Adult section of the library is embarassingly chock-full with these type of short novels on teen-luv, but, once again, as a man a quarter-of-a-century-years-old, I would feel the judgemental eyes of society on me if I spent any adequate amount of time browsing this section for good books. I might have to enlist a Younger Person to be my personal YA-Browser.)
So the movie was based on some Andre Dubus book, which I might have to read. Could you compare Dubus to perhaps Raymond Carver? I'm very wary of reading fiction, but since this deals with my Favourite Themes I might have to give it a try.
Acting was top-notch, everyone was pretty good. Ruffalo impressed me most of all, though, and made me think: "Hmm. Interesting. Had no idea he was such a decent actor." So kudos on that. This may have been the most recommendable movie I saw that day.
I started falling asleep near the end because it was like 3:30 am. Still, I drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night and caught fragments of "The Grudge 2", reminding me I should really watch both of these movies; and, at about 6 am, Woody Allen's tragically-overlooked classic "Crimes and Misdemeanors" came on. This is really one of his top 5, folks; I can't tell you how many times I've seen this one. There's an interesting "Family Guy" reference to it which I'm sure very few people actually got (Stewie's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is a bit of a parody of the Alan Alda character in C&M, with his obnoxious mini-tape recorder and his "Ideas for Farce.") Anyway, C&M is damngood, and one must-see it with their loved ones. So good.
In the morning I watched "Larry Flynt: The Right to Be left Alone" which was an 80 minute documentary produced by either IFC or HBO.
The big surprise was how much I identified and agreed with Flynt. I'd seen "The People vs Larry Flynt" once many, many years ago (Milos Forman FTW!) but, at the current juncture, my entire perception of Flynt was that he was nothing but a misogynistic pornographer. Because, of course, I disagree completely with Flynt on the idea of pornography and I do gravitate towards the same Dworkin/MacKinnon/anti-pornography/radical feminist perspective that he outwardly denigrates. (There was a 10 second sound bite with the Dworkinator herself, and I do wish her perspective was not so casually glossed-over.) I've made my stance clear:
Pornography is more harmful to women than cancer.
Flynt just thinks it's good clean fun and anyone who doesn't like to wrist-one off to some porn is just deluding themselves. Naturally we're presented with adult stars who take this side of the argument and convincingly present themselves as independent, free-thinking, intelligent, liberated women who work in porn out of only their own volition: no coercion, no victimization. And, ya know, I'm sure there are a decent number of these women. But if Flynt can call Dworkin deluded them I'm gonna call this contigent deluded.
Pornography aside, though, Flynt came across as a very intelligent provocateur and iconoclast, and I had to respect that part of his nature. I just really, really wish he would have chose a different avenue than fucking pornography to build his fame on.
And that's about it for the movies. Then I gratefully got outside and played some disc golf in the blazing, muggy heat. That was absolutely necessary.
I've got to get outside again soon and burn some of the "proverbial" calories; I've come to realize when you got a lot of worries on your mind and there's nothing you can realistically do to resolve them right away, running around outside is about the best "distraction" you can come up with. When you're just taking it one day at a time, so to speak. I'll probably find some more action on careerbuilder/monster today hopefully. I've been thinking about volunteering at the hospital; not because I like hospitals (I hate them and they give me the creeps, all the miserable people sick and dying and in extreme pain, etc), but because I might need to suck some administrative dick in order to build some new references and perhaps get my "foot in the door" at some sort of Sweet Office Job.
Like some Nice Ladies could recommend me for a fucking Data Entry job. It's frustrating when you hear stories of "How Fucking Easy it is to Get a Data Entry Job & God Why Am I Wasting My Degree on Such a Boring Unfulfiling Unchallenging Data Entry Job". I will get into a cage-match-to-the-death with some punkasses to get a Nice Boring Unchallenging Data Entry Job. Especially if it allowed me enough money to live in some tiny, cheap studio apartment by myself and a fucking dvd player. (I'd of course Pimp It Out so I could invite "People" over to watch Decent Movies.)
Speaking of Movies, the new Woody Allen movie "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (The one with Javier Bardem and those two sluts) has just come out and I would like to see it. Hint, Hint, Hint.
Someone was telling me that there was a new film by Kyoshi Kurosawa (PULSE/KAIRO) that just came out. I don't know about that, but if You do, I'd likely be into seeing that. I've been jonesin' to get down to the ol' bourgey art theatre lately.
Hmm. Oh yeah. I was reading some ridiculous comix called "High School Confidential: Tough Love" or something, about a teenage boy realizing his gayness, and coming-out, and starting a nice loving relationship with his crush-boy. It was outrageously saccharine and unrealistic, but entertaining and basically feel-good; so I enjoyed that aspect.
You can give me all the shit you want about reading about gayboys, but I don't give a fuck. I identify more with gayboys than with str8boys. People used to call me gay and faggot and weirdo and make fun of me because I wasn't the "typical guy" and because I wasn't popular with the ladies. As far as high-school society was concerned, I practically was gay.
I wasn't really gay, I was just a weirdo and a rebel and a nonconformist and slightly wimpy and Highly Sensitive and also way Transgressive and Individualistic and Introspective, that's all.
What's especially hilarious is that me and my friends have been known to joke: "Life would be a hell of a lot easier if we were gay."
Which is absurd. We don't face ostracization from our families and communities and all the etc that gays put on the line when they decide to come-out.
But, of course, if some rednecks want to think a straight-guy is gay and give him a little queer-bashing for it, then he might as well be gay.
What prompted us to quip that we "wished we were gay" was a general dissatisfaction with women; that all the women we met were so BORING and so TRIFLING and so ANNOYING and NO FUN and UNCOOL and only good for SEX and they were STUPID and UNINTERESTING and BANAL and SUPERFICIAL and SHALLOW and a WASTE OF TIME and UNPLEASANT and NOT FUNNY and DUMB and NOT FUN TO TALK TO or HANG OUT WITH and NOT WORTH LIKING/RESPECTING and; and if we could just be GAY and have SEX with our guy-friends - who, relevantly, were all those cool things that women were not - then we wouldn't ever need to worry about women again. That we were turned-on by T&A was an unchoosable and tragic curse, much like gays were unchoosably born with a socially-stigmatizable libido.
So I guess you could say that we were far too picky with our women. "Lower the Impossible High Standards!" is again the refrain. Well, I have seen people who have done just that. And the results were even more disappointing than I'd imagine they'd be. So I continue to hold up the High Standards. At this point the Standards have become so well-ingrained - my mind and my body have become so monistically unified - that my body simply refuses to respond to someone whose personality I LOATHE. Unfortunately for my libido, I loathe most people's personalities.
Hmm. There's that goddamned libido discussion again. It just keeps popping up no matter how hard I try to keep it down. Wonder what that's all about.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
sex with you is a very kafkaesque experience
I'm gonna try this one on for size. Not really too sure what to joke about. It's time like this that the jokes are as necessary as they are hard to come-up-with. Yup, one of those days.
I saw this "Sigur Ros Live at the MoMa" TV special today. That was pretty fucking tits. Apparently the Sigur Ros show for this city is not sold out yet, either. I might just have to go. Come on. A great band: How often does one of those come to town?
So, if there's anyone I know who wants to see this show and have a relevant celebration, lemme know. I might even post a myspace bulletin soon. Because I think it sounds like a hellalotta fun.
Part of the reason I'm not into bands is that they're all too fucking social and well-adjusted. I come from the old school where music was supposed to channel angst. This doesn't mean the music itself had to be necessarily angsty; indeed, it could be joyful for the fact that it allows the creator to sublimate their profound frustration.
I don't really know what I'm talking about. I wouldn't quite describe Tom Waits or Sigur Ros as "angsty" and I still relate to their music on a deep level. I guess it must be that X-factor. No use in trying to describe it.
You know what's pretty boring? The Olympics. Or taking 90 minutes to fill out a caribou coffee application.
Jokes jokes jokes to distract the mind. Funnies. I got stuff on the mind & not very sure how to resolve it. At this point it is best to face it head-on and perhaps attempt to resolve it, rather than try to distract oneself with jokes. At the same time, though, it's only possible to do so much at once, though; and patience and good timing will be my allies.
Sometimes I think it is I who is the sex-addict while it's all the "fuckers" who are more relatively well-balanced, with their interests in capitalism and consumption and church and sports and investments and jobs and Etc. Who am I to begrudge or deny someone a genuine interest? As long as they're not killing or raping people. (Well, I mean, besides indirectly killing and raping the third-world slaves that toil for pennies a day making many of the products we love/live to consume.) These things give most people genuine enjoyment, and it's not a particularly sadistic form of enjoyment either. Let them do what they will.
But what I meant is, I'm interested in the physical and the sensual above all that. I go through extended phases where I am slightly suspicious that every impulse, feeling, or thought is no more than an extension or an analog of my libido, or, more crudely, my cock.
Everything from eating and drinking to to sleeping to writing to fear to desire to existential angst to economic angst to general frustration to anger to the desire to move my body around and go outside and play fucking disc golf. If it's not about "sex/libido" directly, it's about the opposite of sex, or about finding some sort of distraction from it all. Part of me has wondered about getting a prostitute. The more reasonable part of me argues that this would be sleazy and shady as fuck. I mean, I get nauseous going into a strip club and seeing how the women are bought and sold. I wouldn't regret never going to a place like that ever again. Plus I absolutely don't have that kind of money.
But, tragically, sometimes it seems like modern people have been dumbed-down and reduced into being able to offer nothing more than sex, and having to pay to avoid "social nicities" like banal conversation sounds more and more attractive. What ever happened to people being able to appreciate each others' company-as-people?
Which brings me to The Mere Commodity Issue. I was going to write a scathing, pulpit-pounding screed on what a tragedy of the capitalist era it is that people have been reduced to mere COMMODITIES. Then I thought, "Eh, so they're commodities. What the fuck am I gonna do about it? How am I gonna change that? You can get-off on commodities, right? And who's to say I'm not a fucking commodity myself? We all need to sell ourselves somehow in order to make a living."
In other words, I wish we didn't have to be commodities, but we are, as we have been for a long time, and until capitalism is overthrown, then commodities we will remain.
You, make this. You, sell this. You, spread for this and put it in your mouth. Everybody has functions and roles in these many economic transactions. I'm at that point where Lloyd Dobler was in "Say Anything" when he spewed that schmaltzy oft-quoted line where he tried to explain what he wanted to do with his life and gave that "pithy" remark about not wanting to buy anything produced or processed, etc etc etc.
Jokes. Here's a joke. Back in the not-so-long-gone-day, I was all about monogamy and how I was "fighting the good fight" despite ridiculously large mountains of reasonable evidence why I should not. And why should I? Even if you don't want to treat your partner as merely a sex-commodity (or, if you're more sentimental, an affection-commodity), then there's no guarantee that they will see you and treat you the same way. You got to watch out for your god damn self. Venerate yourself. If your Commodity doesn't do it for you any more and you find a Hot Rando who does, by all means, do what you need to do to get off. It can be hard enough to get-off anyway, without the unreasonable pressure of "fidelity" crushing your libido into convalescence. All this makes me question the idea of "cheating." Maybe "cheating" is the reasonable thing to do and "fidelity" is the retarded thing to do. Maybe it's all on a case-by-case basis. I'm not claiming to know.
FACT: many feelings and people are replaceable. Now, it might not happen overnight, but it happens eventually. You think you haven't been replaced before? Hate to burst your bubble....
But, of course, not all people are replaceable. These are the people we have to try not to lose track of.
Michael Phelps? I'd beat his ass. Guy's won a few gold medals. Big fuckin' deal. He'll still give you HPV just like any other average joe.
As confusing and chaotic and mysterious and unpindownable as our Libidos are, one thing is absolutely certain: we can be absolutely certain when it is on and when it is off. We're just not always sure how or why. Sometimes it can be frustrating - for example, a minority of us might wonder if life would be a lot easier and more convenient if one "easier" thing got us off (e.g. dumb, ugly, average people) and not the other more "difficult" thing that actually gets us off (e.g. smart, attractive, above-average people). But that's just who we are, like it or not. It's much easier to accept whatever ridiculous thing gets-you-off and not fucking worry about why. Just go jerk-off to your "private pleasures" (or FLICK THE BEAN, or whatever) and get on with your life. The only problem is for those minority of people with "nontraditional" libidos. This could be anyone from homosexuals to kinky freaks to the hyposexual to the hypersexual to those who aren't turned on by the dumbugly masses to nonmisogynist males and, really, any other gender role-breakers and nonconformists. These people have a more frustrating time actually expressing/"actualizing" their libidos and getting the job done with another Real Person; and thus often are relegated to just "punching the clown" or "flicking the bean."
What else. Yeah. I should go see Sigur Ros. Spending ~$35 bucks is retarded of me, because I really can't fit that into my budget, but, this would actually be something I would not hate. And for that it would be worth it. So I think I'm gonna try to do it. I'm just really into that "ethereal" sound that all the journalistic screwheads talk about. And as "post-rock" as they may be, they seem to have pre-dated the entire "indie explosion." I.e., they've built up a lot of staying power. Real coolness. Plus their singer is a flaming homosexual, and thus the issue of "Oh, well, is he like those metrosexual manwhores from interpol or the national or etc who uses their 'hip artsy' music to pull young girl-ass" is never an issue at all. Gender-role transgression FTW!
I had a dream last night where Tom Waits had invited a group of people to his house to watch a new Tom Waits- centered movie. The movie was like 4 hours long and divided in two parts: the first was a "vintage" Waits show from way back in the day - actually, a few years before Waits's time.
The band he had put together for this concert was SICK: Pete Townshend on guitar, Keith Moon on drums, and Jack Bruce (Cream) on bass. (It perhaps shifted to Noel Redding of the Jimi Hendrix Experience and possibly also to Jack Casady from Jefferson Airplane.)
So, a very high-octane, hard-rocking band for Waits. The best of both worlds. It's really too much personality for one band, and outside of the dream, it's hard to see how it could really "work", but watching that dream-concert, I was rocking my proverbial balls off.
I can't really remember what the second part of the show was. I do recall being chased around at some point by Nazis who wanted to gun me down. I recall Waits doing a ridiculous "Stand Right Up" ish "rap" whilst his son played a frenetic drum solo. I recall walking around in the "foyer" outside "the theater" and bumping into Waits, although I can't remember if we exchanged any words.
I Love that guy. Oftentimes I sit there and wonder what it must be like to actually be Tom Waits. I mean, he is a real person; he does exist; he's still alive; he's doing stuff right this instant. But what? Playing music? Sleeping? Eating food? Surfing Teh Intranets? How does one email or telephone Tom Waits? How does he maintain his extreme privacy? How has he not had any trouble with deranged fans stalking his home and his family? (not that I'm saying he should, but it seems like many "celebrities" have a problem with this. Maybe Waits fans are just too cool to ever do that sort of thing.)
Went into a sensualistic, near-nihilistic food binge this weekend, consuming mad Burger King on saturday and some mad mexican yesterday. For some reason I felt like overindulging myself. Today starts "the diet", of course, because we know this kind of indulgence can be a very slippery slope.
Went to a pretty good party on Friday, got ridiculously wasted, but had a decent time nonetheless. It's weird, though, hanging-out with people that are way younger than you. It's a bit emblematic of my classic "fitting-in" problem: I don't really feel like hanging out with people my age because of their marriages and their careers and their grad-school and their goddam children; but at the same time, I'm obviously an "old man" when I hang out with college-age people who are still actively excited about being 21-ish. Oy vey!
Jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes! Let's get out of the ol' doldrums here. I might just have to beat some feet outside on the proverbial dusty trail, as the SIBHoD's not cutting the mustard today. It's good to be productive to some extent every day too. Even if what I'm being "productive towards" is offensive and inane, it's the only sanctioned way of attempting to be a "respectable member of society", so I tend to get a small ego boost off the inanity.
But one last thing. You have to read the Heartless Bitches' International List of Red Flags. Or at least some of them. This is a huge list of traits or behaviors or things to watch out for when you're "going out" with somebody, that he/she might be "bad news", and if they are two or more things on the list, you should "run for the hills." Hmm. What if you're 100 things on the list, bwahahaha. Some of the things I take issue with. I'm not saying there's any "excuses for bad behavior", but I do think some of these things are overly simplified.
Yup. That list is so cynical and pessimistic and bitter that it even puts a damper on my mood. So I'd now recommend that you don't read it unless you're having one of Those Days. I mean, come on. The list is in a way more offensively exhaustive than "Things I Hate", and I can't imagine how ANYONE could not be at least a COUPLE of the things on this list. Which, of course, means that everyone in the world should be alone for the rest of their lives. Uh-huh.
I hate it when the weather fluctuates like mad. One day it's hot and humid as hell, the next day it's freezing. The Rapture is coming I tell ya.
I've been thinking about doing a counterpart to "Things I Hate" possibly entitled "Things I Love." This would pretty much counter the, um, er, hateful effect of TIH and make one feel all happy and shiny instead of hateful and angry. It would include, at least, some slightly predictable stuff like: tom waits, sigur ros, black metal (but should I be able to include something kinda-hateful on a "Things I Love" list?), fried chicken (or stuff that's patently unhealthy?), woody allen (this list would kinda be a rip-off of the "Why Is Life Worth Living" scene from "Manhattan", which, of course, if You haven't seen, You are not worthy of living!)
The Hand-Wringing Quotient of this post has been off-the-charts. I have had to go back and do a decent amount of self-censorship. This would mean I really need to get outside soon.
I dunno. Something just profoundly disturbs me knowing that a person can spend so much time reading right-wing Catholic propaganda all day, every day: Even more time than I spend on The SIBHoD, or hanging out with people, or have spent on "Things I Hate." This religious propaganda I find more spine-chilling and squeamish than "Things I Hate." Can't watch sports because the astronomical salaries of these black athletes are mind-bogglingly offensive. Can't watch secular TV because the values it espouses are so immoral. Can't watch Fox News too much because it reminds us too much of what a shitty, immoral world we live in. Can't watch CNN because it's too liberal. Can't use the internet to learn new things because that technology is not to be trusted. Can't go out to the movies because it's too expensive and all those movies are trash; can't go out to the bar because it's too smoky and expensive and drinking is unhealthy and it doesn't please the lord; can't write a g.d. journal or book or something because that might take away valuable time that could be devoted to reading more of an endless pile of right-wing catholic propaganda. Can't go outside for a walk because we already did that at 5 am before going to catholic mass. Can't go shopping because that stuff is too expensive and don't need anything anyhow. Can't go driving around and exploring the city because gas is too expensive and there's nothing worth driving to and the city's a shithole anyway, why would you want to be reminded of what you want to get away from anyhow? Can't tinker around on a typical man-project like cars or sheds or birdhouses or robots because that just ain't everybody's thing. Can't have a normal hobby like hunting or fishing or comic books or guns or knives or trains or painting or music because normal hobbies just ain't everybody's thing. It boggles my fucking mind. Completely boggles. It's my worst nightmare that I become so boring and resigned.
And what's so fucking awesome about a fucking religion that has been responsible for the death of millions; and which has openly preached intolerance and hatred and violence from the pulpit; and which fails to address the humanity of humans; and which naively, irresponsibly oversimplifies the idea of morality; and which controls minds through morbid ideas of death and guilt; and gives billions of people a GUILT-FETISH which traps them into boring, sad lives and makes them love boredom and sadness for what it "promises" them after they DIE? This is what "pleases the lord?" Why would anyone even want to be into this? (Disregarding the rhetorical, obvious answer that they have completely mistaken guilt for piety and humility and righteousness?)
I just don't get it. I hope I never will.
I'd rather go to one of those churches like they had in "The Blues Brothers" where everyone was singing and dancing and flying around and having a good old time.
Or at least any church that is not so horrifyingly miserable.
God damn. I would rather work at fucking WAL-MART the rest of my life and never touch a woman again, than become so willfully submissive to a guilt-ridden deathcult and to have no outside interests. This seems just as much slow suicide as drinking is, and at least from the drinking you get a minimum of hedonistic fun.
Well, faith is a gift, I guess, and not all of us have that gift. It's just fun being gently prodded to "come back to the faith." Maybe faith isn't really a gift. It's actually a choice. You choose to have faith, you CHOOSE to BELIEVE in guilt and death and the rectitude of the Only Correct Faith; just like homosexuals choose to be abominable gays, and poor criminal blacks choose to be born poor and criminal and black.
Yup. Somebody give me a god damn job already. I just don't care how stupid and sucky it is. Give me the worst job in the world. If I'm gonna waste my life away on drivel, at least it's not fucking right-wing catholic propaganda. Mopping up a fucking peep-booth would be better than that.
Scientology is really fucked-up, too. But at least someone like Isaac Hayes was able to have something as interesting as a musical career and probably a pretty well-actualized libido despite his absolutely ridiculous religion. And at least Tom Cruise made "Eyes Wide Shut" and "Magnolia" and has probably traveled the world and shit and makes-out with Katie Holmes.
Yup, I'll come right out and say it:
CATHOLICISM IS MORE FUCKED-UP THAN SCIENTOLOGY.
What you know 'bout that?
Went to this local bar last night for an hour, swore I got herpes just from looking at this one skanky girl. Wow. Other than that, though, it was a total sausage-fest, and I was too crabby and poor to drink. I looked around for women just to prove to myself I still have a libido; I was not able to find any compelling evidence.
I might join a "special interest group" or something just to get out of the house and meet new people with "common interests." Maybe hang out with some 50-year old Tom Waits fans or something and pester them to get me a job at wherever. Not sure if there's a local TW fanclub, though.
Socialists and other anti-capitalists are fun to hang out with in theory, but not usually in practice. As ridiculously "political" as I am, I've not had very many satisfying political discussions, and I'm a bit leery of "activists."
Salsa dancing night. That's right. (Sentence Censored).
I was thinking about pick-up artists again, and how they are the most guilty of viewing women as a "commodity." I sometimes think the pick-up artists are way more pathetic than the "Average Frustrated Chumps" they used to be - and ALL pick-up artists used to be AFC's . That's a prerequisite for being a PUA. They're so insecure about being self-perceived "AFC's" that they design this pathetically elaborate "code" on how to procure the commodity of "pussy". It's so fucking pathetic. Ultimately they come no closer to being able to connect with people. If they had learned to love themselves for being "AFCs", then they would have become less of AFCs in a much more natural manner. It's that easy: You stop being an AFC when you stop thinking of yourself as "an AFC."
It goes without saying that I don't think of myself as an "AFC" at all, haw-haw, I'm just so uniquely awesome that most women* are too average and pathetic and banal and boring and uninteresting and dumb to be able to begin to appreciate me and I'm too awesome to deign to "appreciate" them. I'm out of most women's leagues. They bore me. Yawwwwwwnnn. [*This is not a misogynistic jab, as I find men, being average people, are just as boring. Why don't people strive to not be boring?]
Speaking of self-actualization, and speaking of not-boring:
(there will probably be a lot more jokes in the next post. just had to "work it out" today. bear with me. I forgot to have a good breakfast.)
I saw this "Sigur Ros Live at the MoMa" TV special today. That was pretty fucking tits. Apparently the Sigur Ros show for this city is not sold out yet, either. I might just have to go. Come on. A great band: How often does one of those come to town?
So, if there's anyone I know who wants to see this show and have a relevant celebration, lemme know. I might even post a myspace bulletin soon. Because I think it sounds like a hellalotta fun.
Part of the reason I'm not into bands is that they're all too fucking social and well-adjusted. I come from the old school where music was supposed to channel angst. This doesn't mean the music itself had to be necessarily angsty; indeed, it could be joyful for the fact that it allows the creator to sublimate their profound frustration.
I don't really know what I'm talking about. I wouldn't quite describe Tom Waits or Sigur Ros as "angsty" and I still relate to their music on a deep level. I guess it must be that X-factor. No use in trying to describe it.
You know what's pretty boring? The Olympics. Or taking 90 minutes to fill out a caribou coffee application.
Jokes jokes jokes to distract the mind. Funnies. I got stuff on the mind & not very sure how to resolve it. At this point it is best to face it head-on and perhaps attempt to resolve it, rather than try to distract oneself with jokes. At the same time, though, it's only possible to do so much at once, though; and patience and good timing will be my allies.
Sometimes I think it is I who is the sex-addict while it's all the "fuckers" who are more relatively well-balanced, with their interests in capitalism and consumption and church and sports and investments and jobs and Etc. Who am I to begrudge or deny someone a genuine interest? As long as they're not killing or raping people. (Well, I mean, besides indirectly killing and raping the third-world slaves that toil for pennies a day making many of the products we love/live to consume.) These things give most people genuine enjoyment, and it's not a particularly sadistic form of enjoyment either. Let them do what they will.
But what I meant is, I'm interested in the physical and the sensual above all that. I go through extended phases where I am slightly suspicious that every impulse, feeling, or thought is no more than an extension or an analog of my libido, or, more crudely, my cock.
Everything from eating and drinking to to sleeping to writing to fear to desire to existential angst to economic angst to general frustration to anger to the desire to move my body around and go outside and play fucking disc golf. If it's not about "sex/libido" directly, it's about the opposite of sex, or about finding some sort of distraction from it all. Part of me has wondered about getting a prostitute. The more reasonable part of me argues that this would be sleazy and shady as fuck. I mean, I get nauseous going into a strip club and seeing how the women are bought and sold. I wouldn't regret never going to a place like that ever again. Plus I absolutely don't have that kind of money.
But, tragically, sometimes it seems like modern people have been dumbed-down and reduced into being able to offer nothing more than sex, and having to pay to avoid "social nicities" like banal conversation sounds more and more attractive. What ever happened to people being able to appreciate each others' company-as-people?
Which brings me to The Mere Commodity Issue. I was going to write a scathing, pulpit-pounding screed on what a tragedy of the capitalist era it is that people have been reduced to mere COMMODITIES. Then I thought, "Eh, so they're commodities. What the fuck am I gonna do about it? How am I gonna change that? You can get-off on commodities, right? And who's to say I'm not a fucking commodity myself? We all need to sell ourselves somehow in order to make a living."
In other words, I wish we didn't have to be commodities, but we are, as we have been for a long time, and until capitalism is overthrown, then commodities we will remain.
You, make this. You, sell this. You, spread for this and put it in your mouth. Everybody has functions and roles in these many economic transactions. I'm at that point where Lloyd Dobler was in "Say Anything" when he spewed that schmaltzy oft-quoted line where he tried to explain what he wanted to do with his life and gave that "pithy" remark about not wanting to buy anything produced or processed, etc etc etc.
Jokes. Here's a joke. Back in the not-so-long-gone-day, I was all about monogamy and how I was "fighting the good fight" despite ridiculously large mountains of reasonable evidence why I should not. And why should I? Even if you don't want to treat your partner as merely a sex-commodity (or, if you're more sentimental, an affection-commodity), then there's no guarantee that they will see you and treat you the same way. You got to watch out for your god damn self. Venerate yourself. If your Commodity doesn't do it for you any more and you find a Hot Rando who does, by all means, do what you need to do to get off. It can be hard enough to get-off anyway, without the unreasonable pressure of "fidelity" crushing your libido into convalescence. All this makes me question the idea of "cheating." Maybe "cheating" is the reasonable thing to do and "fidelity" is the retarded thing to do. Maybe it's all on a case-by-case basis. I'm not claiming to know.
FACT: many feelings and people are replaceable. Now, it might not happen overnight, but it happens eventually. You think you haven't been replaced before? Hate to burst your bubble....
But, of course, not all people are replaceable. These are the people we have to try not to lose track of.
Michael Phelps? I'd beat his ass. Guy's won a few gold medals. Big fuckin' deal. He'll still give you HPV just like any other average joe.
As confusing and chaotic and mysterious and unpindownable as our Libidos are, one thing is absolutely certain: we can be absolutely certain when it is on and when it is off. We're just not always sure how or why. Sometimes it can be frustrating - for example, a minority of us might wonder if life would be a lot easier and more convenient if one "easier" thing got us off (e.g. dumb, ugly, average people) and not the other more "difficult" thing that actually gets us off (e.g. smart, attractive, above-average people). But that's just who we are, like it or not. It's much easier to accept whatever ridiculous thing gets-you-off and not fucking worry about why. Just go jerk-off to your "private pleasures" (or FLICK THE BEAN, or whatever) and get on with your life. The only problem is for those minority of people with "nontraditional" libidos. This could be anyone from homosexuals to kinky freaks to the hyposexual to the hypersexual to those who aren't turned on by the dumbugly masses to nonmisogynist males and, really, any other gender role-breakers and nonconformists. These people have a more frustrating time actually expressing/"actualizing" their libidos and getting the job done with another Real Person; and thus often are relegated to just "punching the clown" or "flicking the bean."
What else. Yeah. I should go see Sigur Ros. Spending ~$35 bucks is retarded of me, because I really can't fit that into my budget, but, this would actually be something I would not hate. And for that it would be worth it. So I think I'm gonna try to do it. I'm just really into that "ethereal" sound that all the journalistic screwheads talk about. And as "post-rock" as they may be, they seem to have pre-dated the entire "indie explosion." I.e., they've built up a lot of staying power. Real coolness. Plus their singer is a flaming homosexual, and thus the issue of "Oh, well, is he like those metrosexual manwhores from interpol or the national or etc who uses their 'hip artsy' music to pull young girl-ass" is never an issue at all. Gender-role transgression FTW!
I had a dream last night where Tom Waits had invited a group of people to his house to watch a new Tom Waits- centered movie. The movie was like 4 hours long and divided in two parts: the first was a "vintage" Waits show from way back in the day - actually, a few years before Waits's time.
The band he had put together for this concert was SICK: Pete Townshend on guitar, Keith Moon on drums, and Jack Bruce (Cream) on bass. (It perhaps shifted to Noel Redding of the Jimi Hendrix Experience and possibly also to Jack Casady from Jefferson Airplane.)
So, a very high-octane, hard-rocking band for Waits. The best of both worlds. It's really too much personality for one band, and outside of the dream, it's hard to see how it could really "work", but watching that dream-concert, I was rocking my proverbial balls off.
I can't really remember what the second part of the show was. I do recall being chased around at some point by Nazis who wanted to gun me down. I recall Waits doing a ridiculous "Stand Right Up" ish "rap" whilst his son played a frenetic drum solo. I recall walking around in the "foyer" outside "the theater" and bumping into Waits, although I can't remember if we exchanged any words.
I Love that guy. Oftentimes I sit there and wonder what it must be like to actually be Tom Waits. I mean, he is a real person; he does exist; he's still alive; he's doing stuff right this instant. But what? Playing music? Sleeping? Eating food? Surfing Teh Intranets? How does one email or telephone Tom Waits? How does he maintain his extreme privacy? How has he not had any trouble with deranged fans stalking his home and his family? (not that I'm saying he should, but it seems like many "celebrities" have a problem with this. Maybe Waits fans are just too cool to ever do that sort of thing.)
Went into a sensualistic, near-nihilistic food binge this weekend, consuming mad Burger King on saturday and some mad mexican yesterday. For some reason I felt like overindulging myself. Today starts "the diet", of course, because we know this kind of indulgence can be a very slippery slope.
Went to a pretty good party on Friday, got ridiculously wasted, but had a decent time nonetheless. It's weird, though, hanging-out with people that are way younger than you. It's a bit emblematic of my classic "fitting-in" problem: I don't really feel like hanging out with people my age because of their marriages and their careers and their grad-school and their goddam children; but at the same time, I'm obviously an "old man" when I hang out with college-age people who are still actively excited about being 21-ish. Oy vey!
Jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes jokes! Let's get out of the ol' doldrums here. I might just have to beat some feet outside on the proverbial dusty trail, as the SIBHoD's not cutting the mustard today. It's good to be productive to some extent every day too. Even if what I'm being "productive towards" is offensive and inane, it's the only sanctioned way of attempting to be a "respectable member of society", so I tend to get a small ego boost off the inanity.
But one last thing. You have to read the Heartless Bitches' International List of Red Flags. Or at least some of them. This is a huge list of traits or behaviors or things to watch out for when you're "going out" with somebody, that he/she might be "bad news", and if they are two or more things on the list, you should "run for the hills." Hmm. What if you're 100 things on the list, bwahahaha. Some of the things I take issue with. I'm not saying there's any "excuses for bad behavior", but I do think some of these things are overly simplified.
Yup. That list is so cynical and pessimistic and bitter that it even puts a damper on my mood. So I'd now recommend that you don't read it unless you're having one of Those Days. I mean, come on. The list is in a way more offensively exhaustive than "Things I Hate", and I can't imagine how ANYONE could not be at least a COUPLE of the things on this list. Which, of course, means that everyone in the world should be alone for the rest of their lives. Uh-huh.
I hate it when the weather fluctuates like mad. One day it's hot and humid as hell, the next day it's freezing. The Rapture is coming I tell ya.
I've been thinking about doing a counterpart to "Things I Hate" possibly entitled "Things I Love." This would pretty much counter the, um, er, hateful effect of TIH and make one feel all happy and shiny instead of hateful and angry. It would include, at least, some slightly predictable stuff like: tom waits, sigur ros, black metal (but should I be able to include something kinda-hateful on a "Things I Love" list?), fried chicken (or stuff that's patently unhealthy?), woody allen (this list would kinda be a rip-off of the "Why Is Life Worth Living" scene from "Manhattan", which, of course, if You haven't seen, You are not worthy of living!)
The Hand-Wringing Quotient of this post has been off-the-charts. I have had to go back and do a decent amount of self-censorship. This would mean I really need to get outside soon.
I dunno. Something just profoundly disturbs me knowing that a person can spend so much time reading right-wing Catholic propaganda all day, every day: Even more time than I spend on The SIBHoD, or hanging out with people, or have spent on "Things I Hate." This religious propaganda I find more spine-chilling and squeamish than "Things I Hate." Can't watch sports because the astronomical salaries of these black athletes are mind-bogglingly offensive. Can't watch secular TV because the values it espouses are so immoral. Can't watch Fox News too much because it reminds us too much of what a shitty, immoral world we live in. Can't watch CNN because it's too liberal. Can't use the internet to learn new things because that technology is not to be trusted. Can't go out to the movies because it's too expensive and all those movies are trash; can't go out to the bar because it's too smoky and expensive and drinking is unhealthy and it doesn't please the lord; can't write a g.d. journal or book or something because that might take away valuable time that could be devoted to reading more of an endless pile of right-wing catholic propaganda. Can't go outside for a walk because we already did that at 5 am before going to catholic mass. Can't go shopping because that stuff is too expensive and don't need anything anyhow. Can't go driving around and exploring the city because gas is too expensive and there's nothing worth driving to and the city's a shithole anyway, why would you want to be reminded of what you want to get away from anyhow? Can't tinker around on a typical man-project like cars or sheds or birdhouses or robots because that just ain't everybody's thing. Can't have a normal hobby like hunting or fishing or comic books or guns or knives or trains or painting or music because normal hobbies just ain't everybody's thing. It boggles my fucking mind. Completely boggles. It's my worst nightmare that I become so boring and resigned.
And what's so fucking awesome about a fucking religion that has been responsible for the death of millions; and which has openly preached intolerance and hatred and violence from the pulpit; and which fails to address the humanity of humans; and which naively, irresponsibly oversimplifies the idea of morality; and which controls minds through morbid ideas of death and guilt; and gives billions of people a GUILT-FETISH which traps them into boring, sad lives and makes them love boredom and sadness for what it "promises" them after they DIE? This is what "pleases the lord?" Why would anyone even want to be into this? (Disregarding the rhetorical, obvious answer that they have completely mistaken guilt for piety and humility and righteousness?)
I just don't get it. I hope I never will.
I'd rather go to one of those churches like they had in "The Blues Brothers" where everyone was singing and dancing and flying around and having a good old time.
Or at least any church that is not so horrifyingly miserable.
God damn. I would rather work at fucking WAL-MART the rest of my life and never touch a woman again, than become so willfully submissive to a guilt-ridden deathcult and to have no outside interests. This seems just as much slow suicide as drinking is, and at least from the drinking you get a minimum of hedonistic fun.
Well, faith is a gift, I guess, and not all of us have that gift. It's just fun being gently prodded to "come back to the faith." Maybe faith isn't really a gift. It's actually a choice. You choose to have faith, you CHOOSE to BELIEVE in guilt and death and the rectitude of the Only Correct Faith; just like homosexuals choose to be abominable gays, and poor criminal blacks choose to be born poor and criminal and black.
Yup. Somebody give me a god damn job already. I just don't care how stupid and sucky it is. Give me the worst job in the world. If I'm gonna waste my life away on drivel, at least it's not fucking right-wing catholic propaganda. Mopping up a fucking peep-booth would be better than that.
Scientology is really fucked-up, too. But at least someone like Isaac Hayes was able to have something as interesting as a musical career and probably a pretty well-actualized libido despite his absolutely ridiculous religion. And at least Tom Cruise made "Eyes Wide Shut" and "Magnolia" and has probably traveled the world and shit and makes-out with Katie Holmes.
Yup, I'll come right out and say it:
CATHOLICISM IS MORE FUCKED-UP THAN SCIENTOLOGY.
What you know 'bout that?
Went to this local bar last night for an hour, swore I got herpes just from looking at this one skanky girl. Wow. Other than that, though, it was a total sausage-fest, and I was too crabby and poor to drink. I looked around for women just to prove to myself I still have a libido; I was not able to find any compelling evidence.
I might join a "special interest group" or something just to get out of the house and meet new people with "common interests." Maybe hang out with some 50-year old Tom Waits fans or something and pester them to get me a job at wherever. Not sure if there's a local TW fanclub, though.
Socialists and other anti-capitalists are fun to hang out with in theory, but not usually in practice. As ridiculously "political" as I am, I've not had very many satisfying political discussions, and I'm a bit leery of "activists."
Salsa dancing night. That's right. (Sentence Censored).
I was thinking about pick-up artists again, and how they are the most guilty of viewing women as a "commodity." I sometimes think the pick-up artists are way more pathetic than the "Average Frustrated Chumps" they used to be - and ALL pick-up artists used to be AFC's . That's a prerequisite for being a PUA. They're so insecure about being self-perceived "AFC's" that they design this pathetically elaborate "code" on how to procure the commodity of "pussy". It's so fucking pathetic. Ultimately they come no closer to being able to connect with people. If they had learned to love themselves for being "AFCs", then they would have become less of AFCs in a much more natural manner. It's that easy: You stop being an AFC when you stop thinking of yourself as "an AFC."
It goes without saying that I don't think of myself as an "AFC" at all, haw-haw, I'm just so uniquely awesome that most women* are too average and pathetic and banal and boring and uninteresting and dumb to be able to begin to appreciate me and I'm too awesome to deign to "appreciate" them. I'm out of most women's leagues. They bore me. Yawwwwwwnnn. [*This is not a misogynistic jab, as I find men, being average people, are just as boring. Why don't people strive to not be boring?]
Speaking of self-actualization, and speaking of not-boring:
(there will probably be a lot more jokes in the next post. just had to "work it out" today. bear with me. I forgot to have a good breakfast.)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
keep the change, ya filthy animal
I lost my loyal Discraft XS disc yesterday; the grief has yet to fully sink in. This has been my one and only disc for at least three years. Every time I "lost" it before, I was determined to find it, and I always did. But not yesterday. Distracted by some emotional faggot (sorry) sitting by the edge of the river like he didn't even know he was in the middle of the fairway, (a river bisects the fairway and thus presents quite the obvious disc-gobbling hazard) I threw a side-arm shot which slightly shanked downward and just-barely missed the opposite riverbank, falling to a pretty noticeable place in the river. Great. I didn't much feel like getting wet, and for some reason there were 6,000,000 COPS driving around the park in buggies, so I didn't want to risk stripping down to my skivvies, so I got in the river fully clothed. The disc was sitting clearly at the bottom of about 4 feet of water and I could not quite reach it without fully submerging myself, which I did, failing to grab it decisively, and stirring up unforseen amounts of silt and dust and mud. This caused the water to become opaque and the disc was hereafter impossible to see. I walked around in about a 10 sq foot space feeling around with my bare feet for about 15 minutes.. Nothing. This was ridiculous. Absurd. Stupid. Soon I sighed and gave up and borrowed a friend's disc.
It sucks to lose the XS. It was unstable, it was hard to control, but I had some great shots with it, and was just starting to learn how to get it under control. I feel my best times with it were yet to come. But not anymore. I threw an absolutely ridiculous ~50 foot eagle "putt" with it just the other day, possibly the most tits shot of my life.
I'm feeling a bit uninspired today, so the roflolz might be few and far between. Because of my personal predilections, however, this does not mean I will refrain from writing. Nope. Boring as the copy might be, this is my primary form of stimulation and the main way for me to express my libido.
Speaking of. I'd like to eventually get away from that topic. It has been on my mind a lot lately, though. Maybe it's just this time of year. August is typically a libidinous month for me. Maybe the most.
You know, I'm a pretty funny guy. And when I actually get along with someone, I'm not "awkward" at all. We laugh and tell jokes and have good talks and I am completely normal. I'm simply not outgoing or particularly extroverted in, say, a party or club situation, such as in mingling with strangers. I think this "problem" is more common than I initially imagine. Not everyone is the life of the party.
Oh yeah. I was going to talk about Okcupid. I joined Okcupid again, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I wanted to convince myself there were interesting new people to meet in this area. And then I realized that's why I quit Okcupid in the first place 4 months ago. Because the people were so dumb, boring, and pathetic (not to mention FUCKING FUGLY!) that after spending 15 minutes looking at those dregs of society, I would want to willingly sit down in the middle of a 10-lane feeder thruway with my last bucket of KFC and peacefully wait to die.
Not to mention the "match questions" are stupid and annoying as fuck. And all the women from a few states over are 6,000,000 times more attractive ("pretty") than even the prettiest woman from this state. Yeah, for the sake of my sanity I should delete my profile again, and rather soon.
The best way to meet interesting new people is just to go out and meet them. Bars kind of suck because people seem to go to bars with their friends to drink, not to meet new people. Plus most people who "go out" places are fucking obnoxious douchebags. I hate to say it, but you can just tell from the way they DRESS. Fashion is indeed a visual vocabulary that I'm quite fluent in, even if I prefer to make my own statements as muddled and obfuscated and understated as possible. (Trogs misinterpret this as "scrubby", but, fortunately for me, I'm not interested in trogs.)
So I continue to think about dance clubs and I wonder where one could go for a non-mainstream dance night. It's not like I'm talking about super-subcultural here. For chrissakes, fucking Conor Oberst was on fucking Jay Leno last night, fer chrissakes, it's not that hard to be "cool" (not that I think C.O. is really cool or anything). Just give me a room of people that like to make fun of Kenny Chesney. Chrissakes! What A World (VII)!
The Real World is Gay as Hell. That's the simplest and realest way I can say it. Gay as Hell, Son.
Fat people. I'm gonna have to side with Dan Savage on this one: fat people, with rare exceptions, are the captain of their proverbial fate. If they want to lose weight, then they have to make tough personal choices and lifestyle changes - the same way they gained the weight in the first place. Of course, gaining weight is understandably much easier, because what human doesn't LOVE to eat tasty, fatty foods? Some might claim we have a genetic disposition to load up on foods, because our brains evolved during a time before there was a mcdonalds on every block; when food was the equivalent of wealth, and you ate all you could get your hands on, because who knew when you'd get the next chance to eat like that. Obviously this mindset is a recipe for disaster in postmodern amerikkka.
I think the "fat-happy" movement is a total fucking crock of shit. So you have high self-esteem and you don't care what other people think; you're happy being 5000 pounds. I bet you'll be fucking ecstatic when you die of a fucking heart attack at age 30, too. Idiots. How can it be so hard to realize that when you're huffing and wheezing trying to drag that Fupa around, happy as a clam as you may be, that this Grossly Excessive Weight is Blatantly Medically Unhealthy?
I can get away with saying this because I used to be kinda grossly overweight myself. To punctuate the dreariness, so to speak, of having "wasted my life" and of becoming a "loser at life", I threw myself into physical, sensualistic pursuits of alcohol and food. Lots and lots of food. I stuffed my face. I have no doubt this was an expression of libido as well. But I just didn't care. As far as I was concerned, the doors of opportunity were closed, my life was over, and there was no point in trying any more. If the shit tasted good, I was going to eat a lot of it. It provided real solace and enjoyment in this cruel and wicked world. So I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a year. Everyone noticed, including myself. But I just said "I don't give a fuck", and inhaled another pizza.
About a year ago I reached the "critical mass", and had my moment of clarity, and thought "why the fuck am I doing this"? So I began getting more "active" and keeping an eye on calories and the like, and by this point I have lost about 40 of the pounds, and everyone has noticed. And I am much happier being at a relatively-much-more-healthy weight and being able to fit into smaller pants and not having a huge gut hanging out. Plus being a huge fatty is so typically amerikkkan. Fuck that up the fucking ass.
You know, if I were a woman, I'd hate clingy guys too. I would probably hate clingy girls if I ever had some clingy girl clinging to me desperately. It would be a mindfuck and maybe even kind of scary. "Whoa, whoa! Slow down, Ernie! Why the fuck are you so obsessed with me! That's just a little scary! Get a life! Stop calling me so damn much!" It's just that because women seem much more likely to have experiences with clingy guys than guys are to have experiences with clingy girls, that guys tend to overlook all of this. FACT.
I'd like to get more into dream-interpretation, because I do believe our dreams can teach us something about ourselves. Or at least just me. Last night I had a dream. Again I was in "the college town." A grade-school friend of mine was involved in a potentially very-violent feud with some unseen, unknown guy. Like, potentially deadly. We wanted to protect him from getting his ass Gatted. I was also talking to this other guy I haven't seen in Yeeeeaaaars who was one of my first friends from kollige. He was a great guy and I wish we had spent a lot more time together: he was huge on dead can dance and sigur ros and shoegaze and cool scandinavian metal, and now he is going to medical school in new jersey. I was fucked-up at the time and didn't really know how to make friends or talk to people, so I unfortunately let him get away from me. But he was a good soul. A Great soul. Anyway, he was in the dream. He mentioned how this guy I went to high-school with (and, I guess, grade-school) was throwing eggs at the house of the guy who the first friend was feuding with, and in the ovarian melee, my car had gotten showered with eggs. I groaned.
Part II. I was sitting at a computer where a girl I once knew had posted a "Sexy video" on youtube where she was dancing around verrry suggestively in her underwear. This was slightly discomfiting. Don't worry, potential real-life readers, it was none of You, but someone I knew long ago. Never a particular "interest", however. What the hell does this mean? That I want to fuck every girl that moves? That I have a Youtube underwear-dancing fetish? Who doesn't?
So I might have to get some dream-interpretation materials at the library next time. Or at least do some intranets research.
I wish moar people would write. Insofar as people I know. It would be interesting to read their writings, and the "blog" is a very convenient & easy way of both reading and writing. Either everyone is too busy with their lives, or... something. However, there are plenty of people who work for a living who still manage to write blogs semi-regularly! Everyone I know who has ever had a blogger or a livejournal has just Stopped writing altogether. This is really kind of fucking ghey. Honestly. Stop making a difference in the world and doing interesting things and making-out with your common-law spouse and get back with the program. I'd read that stuff.
Sigur Ros, Xasthur, Judas Iscariot. That's all You need.
My 15 hour day of work the other day was regarding a local election. People were voting in their local voting districts on: a primary to nominate candidates for one US Senate seat, one US Congressional seat, a couple State legislative seats, some county commissioners, and some county "executive board" types like treasurer and sheriff and all that shite; also a millage/funding proposal for keeping the semi-local zoo alive, which alone seemed to draw a good percentage of voters out to the polls. We were basically just checking IDs and making sure people were voting at the right district and that they knew what to do etc.
One woman came in and had lost her driver's license, so she produced another picture ID, and, to my very pleasant surprise, the ID showed she was a Reverend at this semi-local Unitarian-Universalist congregation I'd been investigating a few weeks ago. I knew I'd seen her name before! Indeed, it was a UU ID card of sorts, with the name of the congregation right on it. I was taken aback, shocked, as I'd never come face-to-face with a UUer, let alone the reverend of the UU I was considered visiting. It was honestly 2 much 2 handle, and I didn't say anything to her about it. But it was quite the interesting coincidence that she was voting in the district I was stationed to work for that day. Maybe it's a "sign" from "GOD" telling me to go to her UU. Thank g-d I'm an agnostic-atheist, hardee harhar.
The worst is when you sit there and play guitar for hours and you're essentially just playing stuff you've played before; and you never come up with anything interesting or creative or catchy that you'd ever want to save for a song.
But what's most ghey of all is that Youtube runneth over with ghey re-enactments of the classic titular scene for this post, but this is the longest clip of the authentic Real Deal:
(This, of course, it goes without saying, is the Line You say when You Shoot-On Some Broad's Face.)
Ok, ok. I think The SIBHoD is becoming a problem. "Things I Hate" was a problem because it exacerbated my hatred and made me feel not-so-hot. The SIBHoD, on the other hand, is just such exciting fun that it makes me procrastinate indefinitely on doing not-so-pleasant things that I must eventually do.
The horror, the horror!
It sucks to lose the XS. It was unstable, it was hard to control, but I had some great shots with it, and was just starting to learn how to get it under control. I feel my best times with it were yet to come. But not anymore. I threw an absolutely ridiculous ~50 foot eagle "putt" with it just the other day, possibly the most tits shot of my life.
I'm feeling a bit uninspired today, so the roflolz might be few and far between. Because of my personal predilections, however, this does not mean I will refrain from writing. Nope. Boring as the copy might be, this is my primary form of stimulation and the main way for me to express my libido.
Speaking of. I'd like to eventually get away from that topic. It has been on my mind a lot lately, though. Maybe it's just this time of year. August is typically a libidinous month for me. Maybe the most.
You know, I'm a pretty funny guy. And when I actually get along with someone, I'm not "awkward" at all. We laugh and tell jokes and have good talks and I am completely normal. I'm simply not outgoing or particularly extroverted in, say, a party or club situation, such as in mingling with strangers. I think this "problem" is more common than I initially imagine. Not everyone is the life of the party.
Oh yeah. I was going to talk about Okcupid. I joined Okcupid again, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I wanted to convince myself there were interesting new people to meet in this area. And then I realized that's why I quit Okcupid in the first place 4 months ago. Because the people were so dumb, boring, and pathetic (not to mention FUCKING FUGLY!) that after spending 15 minutes looking at those dregs of society, I would want to willingly sit down in the middle of a 10-lane feeder thruway with my last bucket of KFC and peacefully wait to die.
Not to mention the "match questions" are stupid and annoying as fuck. And all the women from a few states over are 6,000,000 times more attractive ("pretty") than even the prettiest woman from this state. Yeah, for the sake of my sanity I should delete my profile again, and rather soon.
The best way to meet interesting new people is just to go out and meet them. Bars kind of suck because people seem to go to bars with their friends to drink, not to meet new people. Plus most people who "go out" places are fucking obnoxious douchebags. I hate to say it, but you can just tell from the way they DRESS. Fashion is indeed a visual vocabulary that I'm quite fluent in, even if I prefer to make my own statements as muddled and obfuscated and understated as possible. (Trogs misinterpret this as "scrubby", but, fortunately for me, I'm not interested in trogs.)
So I continue to think about dance clubs and I wonder where one could go for a non-mainstream dance night. It's not like I'm talking about super-subcultural here. For chrissakes, fucking Conor Oberst was on fucking Jay Leno last night, fer chrissakes, it's not that hard to be "cool" (not that I think C.O. is really cool or anything). Just give me a room of people that like to make fun of Kenny Chesney. Chrissakes! What A World (VII)!
The Real World is Gay as Hell. That's the simplest and realest way I can say it. Gay as Hell, Son.
Fat people. I'm gonna have to side with Dan Savage on this one: fat people, with rare exceptions, are the captain of their proverbial fate. If they want to lose weight, then they have to make tough personal choices and lifestyle changes - the same way they gained the weight in the first place. Of course, gaining weight is understandably much easier, because what human doesn't LOVE to eat tasty, fatty foods? Some might claim we have a genetic disposition to load up on foods, because our brains evolved during a time before there was a mcdonalds on every block; when food was the equivalent of wealth, and you ate all you could get your hands on, because who knew when you'd get the next chance to eat like that. Obviously this mindset is a recipe for disaster in postmodern amerikkka.
I think the "fat-happy" movement is a total fucking crock of shit. So you have high self-esteem and you don't care what other people think; you're happy being 5000 pounds. I bet you'll be fucking ecstatic when you die of a fucking heart attack at age 30, too. Idiots. How can it be so hard to realize that when you're huffing and wheezing trying to drag that Fupa around, happy as a clam as you may be, that this Grossly Excessive Weight is Blatantly Medically Unhealthy?
I can get away with saying this because I used to be kinda grossly overweight myself. To punctuate the dreariness, so to speak, of having "wasted my life" and of becoming a "loser at life", I threw myself into physical, sensualistic pursuits of alcohol and food. Lots and lots of food. I stuffed my face. I have no doubt this was an expression of libido as well. But I just didn't care. As far as I was concerned, the doors of opportunity were closed, my life was over, and there was no point in trying any more. If the shit tasted good, I was going to eat a lot of it. It provided real solace and enjoyment in this cruel and wicked world. So I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a year. Everyone noticed, including myself. But I just said "I don't give a fuck", and inhaled another pizza.
About a year ago I reached the "critical mass", and had my moment of clarity, and thought "why the fuck am I doing this"? So I began getting more "active" and keeping an eye on calories and the like, and by this point I have lost about 40 of the pounds, and everyone has noticed. And I am much happier being at a relatively-much-more-healthy weight and being able to fit into smaller pants and not having a huge gut hanging out. Plus being a huge fatty is so typically amerikkkan. Fuck that up the fucking ass.
You know, if I were a woman, I'd hate clingy guys too. I would probably hate clingy girls if I ever had some clingy girl clinging to me desperately. It would be a mindfuck and maybe even kind of scary. "Whoa, whoa! Slow down, Ernie! Why the fuck are you so obsessed with me! That's just a little scary! Get a life! Stop calling me so damn much!" It's just that because women seem much more likely to have experiences with clingy guys than guys are to have experiences with clingy girls, that guys tend to overlook all of this. FACT.
I'd like to get more into dream-interpretation, because I do believe our dreams can teach us something about ourselves. Or at least just me. Last night I had a dream. Again I was in "the college town." A grade-school friend of mine was involved in a potentially very-violent feud with some unseen, unknown guy. Like, potentially deadly. We wanted to protect him from getting his ass Gatted. I was also talking to this other guy I haven't seen in Yeeeeaaaars who was one of my first friends from kollige. He was a great guy and I wish we had spent a lot more time together: he was huge on dead can dance and sigur ros and shoegaze and cool scandinavian metal, and now he is going to medical school in new jersey. I was fucked-up at the time and didn't really know how to make friends or talk to people, so I unfortunately let him get away from me. But he was a good soul. A Great soul. Anyway, he was in the dream. He mentioned how this guy I went to high-school with (and, I guess, grade-school) was throwing eggs at the house of the guy who the first friend was feuding with, and in the ovarian melee, my car had gotten showered with eggs. I groaned.
Part II. I was sitting at a computer where a girl I once knew had posted a "Sexy video" on youtube where she was dancing around verrry suggestively in her underwear. This was slightly discomfiting. Don't worry, potential real-life readers, it was none of You, but someone I knew long ago. Never a particular "interest", however. What the hell does this mean? That I want to fuck every girl that moves? That I have a Youtube underwear-dancing fetish? Who doesn't?
So I might have to get some dream-interpretation materials at the library next time. Or at least do some intranets research.
I wish moar people would write. Insofar as people I know. It would be interesting to read their writings, and the "blog" is a very convenient & easy way of both reading and writing. Either everyone is too busy with their lives, or... something. However, there are plenty of people who work for a living who still manage to write blogs semi-regularly! Everyone I know who has ever had a blogger or a livejournal has just Stopped writing altogether. This is really kind of fucking ghey. Honestly. Stop making a difference in the world and doing interesting things and making-out with your common-law spouse and get back with the program. I'd read that stuff.
Sigur Ros, Xasthur, Judas Iscariot. That's all You need.
My 15 hour day of work the other day was regarding a local election. People were voting in their local voting districts on: a primary to nominate candidates for one US Senate seat, one US Congressional seat, a couple State legislative seats, some county commissioners, and some county "executive board" types like treasurer and sheriff and all that shite; also a millage/funding proposal for keeping the semi-local zoo alive, which alone seemed to draw a good percentage of voters out to the polls. We were basically just checking IDs and making sure people were voting at the right district and that they knew what to do etc.
One woman came in and had lost her driver's license, so she produced another picture ID, and, to my very pleasant surprise, the ID showed she was a Reverend at this semi-local Unitarian-Universalist congregation I'd been investigating a few weeks ago. I knew I'd seen her name before! Indeed, it was a UU ID card of sorts, with the name of the congregation right on it. I was taken aback, shocked, as I'd never come face-to-face with a UUer, let alone the reverend of the UU I was considered visiting. It was honestly 2 much 2 handle, and I didn't say anything to her about it. But it was quite the interesting coincidence that she was voting in the district I was stationed to work for that day. Maybe it's a "sign" from "GOD" telling me to go to her UU. Thank g-d I'm an agnostic-atheist, hardee harhar.
The worst is when you sit there and play guitar for hours and you're essentially just playing stuff you've played before; and you never come up with anything interesting or creative or catchy that you'd ever want to save for a song.
But what's most ghey of all is that Youtube runneth over with ghey re-enactments of the classic titular scene for this post, but this is the longest clip of the authentic Real Deal:
(This, of course, it goes without saying, is the Line You say when You Shoot-On Some Broad's Face.)
Ok, ok. I think The SIBHoD is becoming a problem. "Things I Hate" was a problem because it exacerbated my hatred and made me feel not-so-hot. The SIBHoD, on the other hand, is just such exciting fun that it makes me procrastinate indefinitely on doing not-so-pleasant things that I must eventually do.
The horror, the horror!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Hitler Was A Sensitive Man
"He went to Art School when he was younger
He wanted to be a painter
Hitler was a vegetarian
He was also a non-smoker
Hitler Was A Sensitive Man
He hired gay and handicapped officers
He was concerned about overpopulation
If Hitler was [sic] alive today
He'd listen to The Cure, The Smiths, and Depeche Mode
Hitler Was A Sensitive Man"
-"Hitler Was A Sensitive Man", Anal Cunt.
(Your Song Of The Day will be "The Cannon Song" from "The Threepenny Opera" by Kurt Weill. My preferred version is the instrumental that plays throughout "Shadows and Fog" (Allen) but this is a fun +vocal version, that never gets too upbeat like some versions. No Thanks on the higher tempos with this jam!
)
The PhD Psychologist Elaine Aron describes a personality known as the Highly Sensitive Person. Among several other hallmarks, this includes: "having a rich, complex inner life . . . [being] deeply moved by the arts or music . . . [being] conscientious . . . startling easily . . . . avoiding upsetting or overwhelming situations . . . as a child being perceived by parents or teachers as sensitive or shy."
"Introspective. Deeply reflective. Absorbing others moods, feelings, energy. Trouble with relating myself to others. Used alcohol or other inappropriate means to deaden the feelings. Feeling very different and wondering always what was the secret I was missing. Have you ever had a hard time wondering how it is that most people seem to ‘fit’ and how you don’t? Do you reject organized religion because you know it’s not telling the whole story? Do you feel better suited to NOT be in the workplace but vesting your talents and energy into creative or lone projects? Disillusionment with society at large, based in [sic] others misperceptions of us could prohibit our good work. Feeling always somehow different as we watch the other so-called *normal* people function with relative ease; Where their left foot right foot day to day [sic] leaves us maybe in bewildered states of awe. How do they do that?" (from a more flaky new-age site, but the ideas are still surprisingly relevant)
The concept of HSP is not without its controversy, as mostly any psychological topic; some argue that the HSP is a somewhat pathological trait that can be "corrected" with therapy, and that HSP's suffer because of their "inability" to take care of themselves, often giving away too much of themselves to others. Sure, I believe HSP can be taken to a pathological extent/extreme, but I don't believe the trait is inherently pathological itself - it should be accepted with pride and respect by the HSP and those around her/him. I don't think HSPs should be wasting their valuable energy, either, by vilifying themselves for what can be a very positive characteristic.
As much as it is positive, it's misunderstood by the public-at-large, thus inviting negative self-judgements. Aron gives a great example of how the Highly Sensitive Man (wow, that sounds straight!), by the very dint of his Highly Sensitive Personality, flies in the face of what it means to Be A Real Man. So the HSM's masculinity and heterosexuality are always in question by the Real Men, and often by Normal Women, too, who are more accustomed to Real Men and find it difficult to drum up sexual interest in the Highly Sensitive Man. Well, at least in the Highly Sensitive Man who is too Highly Sensitive about his High Sensitivity, bwahahaha.
Aron also discusses the High-Sensation-Seeking (HSS) personality trait, which often goes hand-in-hand with HSP. Some of the items for this include:
-If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.
-I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.
-I get restless if I stay home for long.
-I like to explore a new area.
And others. A general theme is that the HSS gets pretty bored with the mundane and is, well, a bit of a sensualist. The HSP+HSS is a particularly interesting combination because the HSP is especially sensitive and aware of their surroundings, but at the same time, the HSS has a great desire towards stimulating experiences - i.e., that which they are also most sensitive to - that which provides both the most potential risk and the most potential reward.
And so for better or worse, I found myself described pretty well by the HSP+HSS personality traits. The advice about accepting yourself for who you are appealed to me, since these traits have sometimes given me a little bit of trouble: anger and frustration.
I feel that so much is boring. Work? Boring. School? Boring. Men and Women and Conversation? Boring. TV? Boring. Walking? Boring. Suburban Wasteland? Boring. Daily Routines? Boring. Dating a Boring Person? Boring. Getting up at 5:30 AM and going to church and spending 12 hours a day reading Catholic books and not ever doing anything every single fucking day? Mind-bogglingly Boring. Staying awake? Boring. Movies? Boring. 99% of Music? Boring. Reading Books? Not Boring. JK, just making sure You're paying attention. Absolutely, reading books is about as boring as it gets.
It's a rare and copacetic and cherished thing that is NOT boring to me, in fact: writing; disc golf; chicken-fried steak smothered in sausage-gravy; swimming in lakes; good movies; good music; a good book; good nature; some good old puppydog schoolyard "luv". And when the lattermost is actually happening, it's damnexciting and makes all the boring stuff in Your life seems less boring too.
Boredom can easily lead to anger and frustration - when you don't want to be doing something boring, but you can't think of something you can do which isn't boring. I would argue that a fair number of HSS's drink Alcohol a little more than "in moderation" because getting Drunk is itself not boring. It's an extremely convenient, easy, & available way to inject fun and excitement and amusement into your life and to vanquish the boredom. I think this is why I feel somewhat compelled to get drunk at least once a week.
The trick, I guess, is to find more excitement in healthier things like conversation and TV and reading and such. I've been trying to be a better "conversationalist" lately, but it is a constant challenge. Hopefully I am getting better.
I was sitting there the other night thinking "How do You make yourself become interested in someone you're not really interested in? How do you become not-bored in someone that naturally bores you?" when it finally struck me how absurdly contradictory / paradoxical this was. You just can't do it! You shouldn't waste your time and energy thinking about how you "can" do it! You're either interested in someone or you're not, you either feel the feeling or you don't. There's an intuition there; You need to "go with Your gut." Perhaps I was unconsciously despairing about how, one day when I'm all growed up, I might "have to settle" for someone that I'd spend the rest of my life being bored with. It was freeing and empowering to simply realize: fuck that, I don't have to settle for that at ALL. If they're boring, they're not getting any of the Classwar Action. It's better to be alone and restless and a mad writin' machine, than to be with someone booooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnngggggg.
As if you couldn't tell, the topic of "boredom" has been at the front of my mind lately. It's an epiphany to think of things in terms of "Is it boring or not? How boring is it?" And I'm trying to minimize the boredom in my life. This is why the SIBHoD has been been carrying on with reckless abandon like it has been. Believe me, I could be doing something a LOT more boring right now. Like Cover Letters. (Or I could be doing something less boring, like shooting Speedballs into my Eyeballs and having an orgy with young troubled girls. Or at least just getting Haused on Canadian Hunter. But the HSS must learn to Tame Him/herself and not spiral off into anything so self-destructive.)
If Dwight Schrute can get a job a Staples, then why can't I? I think that may have been one of the stores I have forgotten about. All right! Something "fun" to do right now!
I managed to get through my 15 hour day of "Work" yesterday without fucking up even once; and all the old ladies liked me and complimented my conscientious, helpful, efficient performance; and I was even able to be pleasant, while deflecting in advance any uncomfortable questions. The stuff was indeed very boring but it's a good feeling to actually be useful doing something without being constantly belittled for it.
The Average Frustrated Chump is so frustrated, in part, because he tends to put women Up On A Pedastal. He gets "One-itis" and focuses on One woman, thinking she is "The One" and that she is "So Much Better" than other women; arguably, the price of clinging to this belief is that the AFC restricts himself from meeting other potential Hot Babes.
I can see the logic here, and I don't believe in prematurely putting people up on pedestals. But I think that, sooner (or better, later), Elevation To a Pedestal is not necessarily a negative thing. What it means, here, is essentially that this person is indeed more special to You than any random "Hot Babe" on the streets. You're not interested in Random Hot Babes any more - you're willing to sacrifice No-Strings-Attached Hot Sex With Hot Babes exactly because you care enough about so-and-so that You've decided to "Make a committment" and whatnot. You're perfectly comfortable with your libido being "limited" to this one Person-on-the-Pedestal for the very reason that you do think of them more highly than you think of Randos. This mature&mutual manner of Pedestal is something that I've never seen addressed in discussions of The Pedestal. To me, it seems that a successful healthy relationship would naturally involve both people mutually putting each other on pedestals. Or else they'd be running out the door with the next Random Hard Body that walked by, eager for the interchangeable, readily-replaceable thrill of the flesh. Son. I think these editorials written for the AFC's need to be more responsible; they need to start describing the nuances between Bad Pedestal and Good Pedestal. That's all.
(ps the main reason I don't read those ridiculous forums any more is because their Ridiculous Creepiness began to override the "innocent" Entertainment they once provided. Readers BEWARE!)
Monday, August 4, 2008
remembrance of farts perdu
I luv ridiculous dreams! Let's see. Dream #1 saw me in my old High School. This is officially a very-recurring theme. I sense that I am still my current age when I'm in there rather than a fresh-faced teenager, though. I'm walking around when my Cellular Telephone rings and I see the name of this girl that I used to know. (Key phrase: "used to.") Hmm, funny, I thought. I haven't talked to her in well over two years. (And I haven't. The last time I saw/talked to her was when I saw her rather randomly in early 2006.) But I pick up the phone anyway. She is distraught and on the verge of tears and I get this strange urge to comfort her; she wants me to meet her, and she mentions the name of a location - a computer lab in which I used to spend hours writing papers whilst a young college student. Strange. She says that she has just had a big fight with "OHIO 5" or maybe it was "OHIO S", who I instantly understood to be this total douchebag whom she has been dating/common-law married to for the past 2 or 3 years. I never liked this guy because he was a huge obnoxious douchebag who didn't even really seem to like her, and I could never understand why she was so hung-up/attached to him for years, while she never gave me a proverbial fair shake and made a fool out of me despite me being a muuuch cooler guy. I'm not at all sure what "Ohio 5" is supposed to symbolize, since he never had such a nickname. I'm thinking that it was really "Ohio S" which could be shorthand/code for the fact that he is my Main Opponent/Nemesis/Competitor in trying to "win" her. Well, he "won" her, and he can have her.
I see her before I even get off the phone with her. She's wearing glasses (she doesn't wear glasses) and looking upset and when she sees me she runs into my arms and I hold her. That's about all I remember, or all I want to remember. The take-home point is, I was always too interested in my love interests. I cared for them too much. Sometimes I wish I could be like other people, and just not give a damn about someone after I haven't talked to them in 3 years: Just be able to fully throw someone away like a parking ticket and forget about them forever, and laugh about it all later. It's not like the women's own personal investment warranted me caring about them for any significant amount, anyway. It's not like I still think about them, either: they just have this bad tendency to appear in my dreams once in a great while, and if anything, it reminds me less of them per se, than the wash of strong feelings I felt many years ago. The feelings of "interest" and "infatuation", which is the complete opposite of the disinterested boredom of "just not being into" someone. Yes, this is all tied up with nostalgia for being ages 20-22, for being in college, for living in the college town, for being young and hanging out with tons of people and dating girls. I try to distance myself from the past as best as I can, and it's simply annoying when it reappears in vivid dreams.
Dream #2: regarding a romantic interest I had that, unlike with the previous dream's woman, went completely unrequited and became a source of frustration (that was eventually gotten-over.) It's faith-shaking, though, to believe you've "gotten-over" something, though, and then you have a g.d. DREAM about it a long time after the fact.
So I am in her house while she's not there, along with a longtime friend of mine. He's being generally very annoying and not-at-all understanding of my feelings for the woman, which, true to my gender-role-trangressions, are not strictly-violently-sexual but also somewhat tender. Yeah, girly man! The main thrust of the dream is that I'm going through her stuff, mainly her music collection and her movies, and feeling a bit of sadness and anger because the stuff was all pretty cool. I picked up some videos off the table, a bunch of artsy and independent movies, and thought "Who the hell watches this kind of stuff [but me] ? Where the hell did she rent this?" And I looked at the label on the video (incidentally, a fucking VHS cassette!) which said it was rented at the independent-video store I used to rent 6 movies a week from, back-in-the-day when I was a young student. They had all sorts of ridiculous movies there, and you better believe I watched a ton of them. I saw the name of that store and felt a bit of resentment, like: "Oh, why can't I still be going there and renting 6 movies a week and maybe watching some of them with a cool chick like this?"
My friend continued to be crude, annoying, and completely oblivious to the sincerity of how I felt about the woman, and made a stream of nonstop sex-related remarks to me. This isn't really like him, either; he would not be nearly as annoying in real life. For most of the dream I was stomping around angrily, occasionally stumbling across something else that demonstrated the favourable artistic tastes of the woman.
Hooray for more nostalgia, as blatantly seen in the video store reference. This one also touches on the theme that I apparently have a weakness for women who tastes include a bit of the "eclectic" and non-mainstream. Feels Good To Be A Cultural Rebel!
I could do without dreams regarding women, I'll tell you that. It's not like I have them every day, but I do have them every couple of weeks. Again, even though the dreams "star" particular women, I honestly don't think the dreams are about them in particular; I'm just using them as symbols or archetypes to focus my somewhat unfocused, disparate libido.
Is any of this supposed to tell me anything about my Waking Life? It's probably indeed saying something about my libido, at least. I wouldn't consider myself "lonely" in the least because I have a ridiculously copious amount of wonderful friends, but, at the same time, it's honestly not unreasonable to have at least some desire for some hot make-out/etc action. Unless you're completely frigid or asexual. And since I have a desire for action-of-sorts, ergo, I must not be asexual. Not that I ever claimed to be asexual - except as a ridiculously sarcastic joke.
I couldn't stay awake until 11pm last night. But then I kept waking up at 5 am, 6 am, etc, only to fall back into deepest sleep from 7-8am or so, from which I had a very difficult and discouraging awakening. WTFF?
Well, some breakfast and coffee and some SIBHoD action a few hours later and I'm turning the proverbial page. So that's good.
Celebrity crushes are interesting. I never really thought about them too much because I've never really been into celebrities. But lately I've begun pondering them, thinking they may be a healthy "displacement" or "sublimation" or "diversion". When I was young and "Jurassic Park" first came out, I was pretty well in love with Laura Dern. This was back before she had her unfortunate nose-job: I'm an anti-fan of plastic surgery just as much as I am a fan of the naturally-pronounced proboscis, and she had a great one that should have never been "fixed." I'd still make-out with her, though.
But who else? Everyone shits themselves over Chloe Sevigny, and, yeah, she's pretty beautiful, but I hardly find myself daydreaming about her. Plus it's hard to get rid of the image of Vincent Gallo's huge cock in her mouth.
Probably my current favourite would have to be Angela, the cold-hearted conservative blond bitch from The Office. I know everyone's in love with Pam Beasley but I much prefer Angela, that's just me. She's pretty and for some reason I like her total-bitch routine. I was really rooting for the thing between her and Dwight to work out. Now that's a pretty cute couple. Might also be some good fan-fiction for me to keep in mind, although I'm sure there are scads of Angela/Dwight stories out there. That's kind of pathetic or kind of neat, depending on how well the stories are written. I'm not sure if I should spend the time reading them.
Mia Farrow is an angelic beauty. I've always liked her. If you deny it, I'll behead you!
Haha, me and my infamous "Gender-Role Transgression": big surprise that I would like a woman with short hair, eh. Come on. It's not like I prefer women with exclusively short hair! I just happen to think Mia and some other women can pull it off pretty damned well!
Zooey Deschanel is another darling of the modern era, but I'm not overly into her. Sure, I'd probably make-out with her, and I like her better than, say, Scarlett Johanssen, but I don't buy a freaking magazine just because freaking Zooey Deschanel is in it. Thora Birch, on the other hand, that's much more my type of girl. Rawr!
That Harry Potter girl Emma Watson is pretty cute, too, even if she is only like 12. Age is just a number!
And by "pretty cute" I mean "I would slaughter an entire army with both hands and legs tied behind my back just to take this girl out on a movie-dinner date and kiss her with no tongue for 88 hours straight and read stories to each other and play with her hair while listening to sigur ros and eskimo-kissing her and touching her tummy and cuddling with her for 6,000,000 years" ps Ms Emma is actually 18.
Natalie Portman: Sooo overrated. Serviceably cute, though, I just despise her choice of movies, and I'm not particularly in love with her. I'm struggling to hold back anti-semitic misogynistic invective, believe you me.
There was some other woman who I just forgot about. I have to make a genuine concerted effort to get all into celebrities, though. I honestly prefer real-life women. I've met real-life women I'd take any day over any celebrity,. Perhaps because I find the really-realness of real-life to be more attractive than the fame of hollywood. I just can't be all-into someone that's that popular, I guess.
Oh yeah. Mischa Barton. I would straight-up do her. As well as Miley Cyrus's blond "kooky" friend on "Hannah Montana" who I think is the boy from "6th Sense"'s little sister. Emily Osment. I have been repeatedly informed that my interest in the actresses featured on "Hannah Montana" is more than a little "creepy" and makes me appear a "pederast." These are nothing but malicious, prejudicial, slanderous lies.
Well, I should be rightfully locked away and pounded in the ass for infinite eternities because this girl is only 16. I'd wait for her, though.
But really, the whopping majority of celebrity women that are touted as "hot" and "beautiful" I have no inclination towards. Meh. Lackluster. Nonplussed. They'd probably "get the job done" but it's nothing I'd ever be overly enthusiastic about. I'm very quickly losing enthusiasm for this discussion, btw.
But how could I forget Mariska Hargitay? That would just about be the end of the world.
And if you say she "looks like a man" so I must be a "closet flamer", I hope you know a good dentist, pillow-biter, because you're soon gonna have a smile that's all gums, Sack Breath.
The trashiest people in the world are these guys that vocally think trashbags like pam anderson and britney spears are "so smokin hawwwt." Go get fucked in the face.
Angelina Jolie? Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo overrated. I'd be highly surprised if I could even get it halfway up. Again, give me Angela Kinsey from "The Office" any day, every day. Yeah, she deserves a pic too.
(She's got a pretty good nose too, eh?)
In conclusion, this will probably be the only celebrity-worshipping SIBHoD ever, because this is the entire extent of the celeb-worship I got in mig.
ps I shan't forget to mention this Polish girl Karolina Gruszka ("INLAND EMPIRE") who is terribly cute. I think if I have one constant weakness, it's for the Slavic women. What can I say, it's just in my blood.
Like I say, one day I might just mail-order a Bride In a Box.
(Yeah, she's not "old-looking" but she's actually 28, so I'm not a total child molester, you philistines.)
Now I'm really all out.
pps I forgot that I also like Kristen Stewart, who you might remember from the classic Young Adult movie "Speak." I really need to get caught-up on her more recent oeuvre, however.
And she's 18 so it's all good. (Although she's probably 16 or 17 in this picture. Yeeee!)
All in all, looking at all these Celebs has primarily shown me that I have a Really Real desire to make-out with Real Life Wimmin. Which is somewhat frustrating, because this can sometimes be more easily said than done. I certainly wouldn't describe myself as "desperate" because I don't think desperate thoughts or do desperate things, and I can certainly withstand this desire. I'm just saying there's no supercompelling reason that I should have to "withstand" or "resist" what is in fact a perfectly natural and understandishable desire. Well, I guess I'll settle for Emma Watson if I really have to.
Tomorrow I'm lucky enough to work a temporary job where I will make some money. It's a good solid 12-13 hour day that will keep me busy, plus it's easy work that is practically impossible to fuck-up and get humiliated for. The only bad thing is that you have to sit there with a group of people all day and find ways to explain why I'm wasting my life and my degree. I really hate these "So What Do You Do?" sorts of questions.
"Well, even though I have a degree, I'm wasting my life here in Suburban Wasteland getting rejected from Blockbuster Video because I'm not a 'recent graduate' and I don't have as much ambition as normal people."
wtf do you even say in these situations?
"I'm not living up to my potential in life because I'm a severely-depressed alcoholic, hardee-har-har?"
Which is not even true: more accurately, I'm a "severely sarcastic misanthrope with a flair for flirting with the faux-nihilistic and ersatz-alcoholic". But that's an even worse small-talk topic than "depressed alcoholics" and "getting a real job" ! This is why I don't like working with people.
It's awesome when this is the type of guy you can really sympathize with. (2:20 - 3:00, discussion leading up to the classic line: "Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these are innocent people and keep a straight face.")
But seriously, folks, things aren't that bad when you're somewhat young and you got your health and a home and all the necessities and nonstop jokes streaming out o' Yer arsehole. There's really nothing more you need. Well, just for future reference, and because today is quite the media-heavy day, I might as well post this classic graphic:
"Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs"
It's interesting how "sex" is on that same fundamental physiological level as "food" and "excretion." See, puritans, it is ok not to be asexual!
Actually, there's a lot that's interesting about this pyramid: sexual intimacy, security of employment, achievement, respect OF AND BY others, lack of prejudice, holy crap, I didn't even KNOW about some of these. You go, Maslow!
I'm noticing a recent trend for The SIBHoD to drift towards the erotic, and I'm not sure if this is the best use for The SIBHoD. I think I might have to get back to the cover letters and the long walks.
I see her before I even get off the phone with her. She's wearing glasses (she doesn't wear glasses) and looking upset and when she sees me she runs into my arms and I hold her. That's about all I remember, or all I want to remember. The take-home point is, I was always too interested in my love interests. I cared for them too much. Sometimes I wish I could be like other people, and just not give a damn about someone after I haven't talked to them in 3 years: Just be able to fully throw someone away like a parking ticket and forget about them forever, and laugh about it all later. It's not like the women's own personal investment warranted me caring about them for any significant amount, anyway. It's not like I still think about them, either: they just have this bad tendency to appear in my dreams once in a great while, and if anything, it reminds me less of them per se, than the wash of strong feelings I felt many years ago. The feelings of "interest" and "infatuation", which is the complete opposite of the disinterested boredom of "just not being into" someone. Yes, this is all tied up with nostalgia for being ages 20-22, for being in college, for living in the college town, for being young and hanging out with tons of people and dating girls. I try to distance myself from the past as best as I can, and it's simply annoying when it reappears in vivid dreams.
Dream #2: regarding a romantic interest I had that, unlike with the previous dream's woman, went completely unrequited and became a source of frustration (that was eventually gotten-over.) It's faith-shaking, though, to believe you've "gotten-over" something, though, and then you have a g.d. DREAM about it a long time after the fact.
So I am in her house while she's not there, along with a longtime friend of mine. He's being generally very annoying and not-at-all understanding of my feelings for the woman, which, true to my gender-role-trangressions, are not strictly-violently-sexual but also somewhat tender. Yeah, girly man! The main thrust of the dream is that I'm going through her stuff, mainly her music collection and her movies, and feeling a bit of sadness and anger because the stuff was all pretty cool. I picked up some videos off the table, a bunch of artsy and independent movies, and thought "Who the hell watches this kind of stuff [but me] ? Where the hell did she rent this?" And I looked at the label on the video (incidentally, a fucking VHS cassette!) which said it was rented at the independent-video store I used to rent 6 movies a week from, back-in-the-day when I was a young student. They had all sorts of ridiculous movies there, and you better believe I watched a ton of them. I saw the name of that store and felt a bit of resentment, like: "Oh, why can't I still be going there and renting 6 movies a week and maybe watching some of them with a cool chick like this?"
My friend continued to be crude, annoying, and completely oblivious to the sincerity of how I felt about the woman, and made a stream of nonstop sex-related remarks to me. This isn't really like him, either; he would not be nearly as annoying in real life. For most of the dream I was stomping around angrily, occasionally stumbling across something else that demonstrated the favourable artistic tastes of the woman.
Hooray for more nostalgia, as blatantly seen in the video store reference. This one also touches on the theme that I apparently have a weakness for women who tastes include a bit of the "eclectic" and non-mainstream. Feels Good To Be A Cultural Rebel!
I could do without dreams regarding women, I'll tell you that. It's not like I have them every day, but I do have them every couple of weeks. Again, even though the dreams "star" particular women, I honestly don't think the dreams are about them in particular; I'm just using them as symbols or archetypes to focus my somewhat unfocused, disparate libido.
Is any of this supposed to tell me anything about my Waking Life? It's probably indeed saying something about my libido, at least. I wouldn't consider myself "lonely" in the least because I have a ridiculously copious amount of wonderful friends, but, at the same time, it's honestly not unreasonable to have at least some desire for some hot make-out/etc action. Unless you're completely frigid or asexual. And since I have a desire for action-of-sorts, ergo, I must not be asexual. Not that I ever claimed to be asexual - except as a ridiculously sarcastic joke.
I couldn't stay awake until 11pm last night. But then I kept waking up at 5 am, 6 am, etc, only to fall back into deepest sleep from 7-8am or so, from which I had a very difficult and discouraging awakening. WTFF?
Well, some breakfast and coffee and some SIBHoD action a few hours later and I'm turning the proverbial page. So that's good.
Celebrity crushes are interesting. I never really thought about them too much because I've never really been into celebrities. But lately I've begun pondering them, thinking they may be a healthy "displacement" or "sublimation" or "diversion". When I was young and "Jurassic Park" first came out, I was pretty well in love with Laura Dern. This was back before she had her unfortunate nose-job: I'm an anti-fan of plastic surgery just as much as I am a fan of the naturally-pronounced proboscis, and she had a great one that should have never been "fixed." I'd still make-out with her, though.
But who else? Everyone shits themselves over Chloe Sevigny, and, yeah, she's pretty beautiful, but I hardly find myself daydreaming about her. Plus it's hard to get rid of the image of Vincent Gallo's huge cock in her mouth.
Probably my current favourite would have to be Angela, the cold-hearted conservative blond bitch from The Office. I know everyone's in love with Pam Beasley but I much prefer Angela, that's just me. She's pretty and for some reason I like her total-bitch routine. I was really rooting for the thing between her and Dwight to work out. Now that's a pretty cute couple. Might also be some good fan-fiction for me to keep in mind, although I'm sure there are scads of Angela/Dwight stories out there. That's kind of pathetic or kind of neat, depending on how well the stories are written. I'm not sure if I should spend the time reading them.
Mia Farrow is an angelic beauty. I've always liked her. If you deny it, I'll behead you!
Haha, me and my infamous "Gender-Role Transgression": big surprise that I would like a woman with short hair, eh. Come on. It's not like I prefer women with exclusively short hair! I just happen to think Mia and some other women can pull it off pretty damned well!
Zooey Deschanel is another darling of the modern era, but I'm not overly into her. Sure, I'd probably make-out with her, and I like her better than, say, Scarlett Johanssen, but I don't buy a freaking magazine just because freaking Zooey Deschanel is in it. Thora Birch, on the other hand, that's much more my type of girl. Rawr!
That Harry Potter girl Emma Watson is pretty cute, too, even if she is only like 12. Age is just a number!
And by "pretty cute" I mean "I would slaughter an entire army with both hands and legs tied behind my back just to take this girl out on a movie-dinner date and kiss her with no tongue for 88 hours straight and read stories to each other and play with her hair while listening to sigur ros and eskimo-kissing her and touching her tummy and cuddling with her for 6,000,000 years" ps Ms Emma is actually 18.
Natalie Portman: Sooo overrated. Serviceably cute, though, I just despise her choice of movies, and I'm not particularly in love with her. I'm struggling to hold back anti-semitic misogynistic invective, believe you me.
There was some other woman who I just forgot about. I have to make a genuine concerted effort to get all into celebrities, though. I honestly prefer real-life women. I've met real-life women I'd take any day over any celebrity,. Perhaps because I find the really-realness of real-life to be more attractive than the fame of hollywood. I just can't be all-into someone that's that popular, I guess.
Oh yeah. Mischa Barton. I would straight-up do her. As well as Miley Cyrus's blond "kooky" friend on "Hannah Montana" who I think is the boy from "6th Sense"'s little sister. Emily Osment. I have been repeatedly informed that my interest in the actresses featured on "Hannah Montana" is more than a little "creepy" and makes me appear a "pederast." These are nothing but malicious, prejudicial, slanderous lies.
Well, I should be rightfully locked away and pounded in the ass for infinite eternities because this girl is only 16. I'd wait for her, though.
But really, the whopping majority of celebrity women that are touted as "hot" and "beautiful" I have no inclination towards. Meh. Lackluster. Nonplussed. They'd probably "get the job done" but it's nothing I'd ever be overly enthusiastic about. I'm very quickly losing enthusiasm for this discussion, btw.
But how could I forget Mariska Hargitay? That would just about be the end of the world.
And if you say she "looks like a man" so I must be a "closet flamer", I hope you know a good dentist, pillow-biter, because you're soon gonna have a smile that's all gums, Sack Breath.
The trashiest people in the world are these guys that vocally think trashbags like pam anderson and britney spears are "so smokin hawwwt." Go get fucked in the face.
Angelina Jolie? Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo overrated. I'd be highly surprised if I could even get it halfway up. Again, give me Angela Kinsey from "The Office" any day, every day. Yeah, she deserves a pic too.
(She's got a pretty good nose too, eh?)
In conclusion, this will probably be the only celebrity-worshipping SIBHoD ever, because this is the entire extent of the celeb-worship I got in mig.
ps I shan't forget to mention this Polish girl Karolina Gruszka ("INLAND EMPIRE") who is terribly cute. I think if I have one constant weakness, it's for the Slavic women. What can I say, it's just in my blood.
Like I say, one day I might just mail-order a Bride In a Box.
(Yeah, she's not "old-looking" but she's actually 28, so I'm not a total child molester, you philistines.)
Now I'm really all out.
pps I forgot that I also like Kristen Stewart, who you might remember from the classic Young Adult movie "Speak." I really need to get caught-up on her more recent oeuvre, however.
And she's 18 so it's all good. (Although she's probably 16 or 17 in this picture. Yeeee!)
All in all, looking at all these Celebs has primarily shown me that I have a Really Real desire to make-out with Real Life Wimmin. Which is somewhat frustrating, because this can sometimes be more easily said than done. I certainly wouldn't describe myself as "desperate" because I don't think desperate thoughts or do desperate things, and I can certainly withstand this desire. I'm just saying there's no supercompelling reason that I should have to "withstand" or "resist" what is in fact a perfectly natural and understandishable desire. Well, I guess I'll settle for Emma Watson if I really have to.
Tomorrow I'm lucky enough to work a temporary job where I will make some money. It's a good solid 12-13 hour day that will keep me busy, plus it's easy work that is practically impossible to fuck-up and get humiliated for. The only bad thing is that you have to sit there with a group of people all day and find ways to explain why I'm wasting my life and my degree. I really hate these "So What Do You Do?" sorts of questions.
"Well, even though I have a degree, I'm wasting my life here in Suburban Wasteland getting rejected from Blockbuster Video because I'm not a 'recent graduate' and I don't have as much ambition as normal people."
wtf do you even say in these situations?
"I'm not living up to my potential in life because I'm a severely-depressed alcoholic, hardee-har-har?"
Which is not even true: more accurately, I'm a "severely sarcastic misanthrope with a flair for flirting with the faux-nihilistic and ersatz-alcoholic". But that's an even worse small-talk topic than "depressed alcoholics" and "getting a real job" ! This is why I don't like working with people.
It's awesome when this is the type of guy you can really sympathize with. (2:20 - 3:00, discussion leading up to the classic line: "Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these are innocent people and keep a straight face.")
But seriously, folks, things aren't that bad when you're somewhat young and you got your health and a home and all the necessities and nonstop jokes streaming out o' Yer arsehole. There's really nothing more you need. Well, just for future reference, and because today is quite the media-heavy day, I might as well post this classic graphic:
"Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs"
It's interesting how "sex" is on that same fundamental physiological level as "food" and "excretion." See, puritans, it is ok not to be asexual!
Actually, there's a lot that's interesting about this pyramid: sexual intimacy, security of employment, achievement, respect OF AND BY others, lack of prejudice, holy crap, I didn't even KNOW about some of these. You go, Maslow!
I'm noticing a recent trend for The SIBHoD to drift towards the erotic, and I'm not sure if this is the best use for The SIBHoD. I think I might have to get back to the cover letters and the long walks.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
the consequences will be dire
What sucks about movies so much is that most movies suck so much you can't even sit through an entire movie without being bored to death. That's not entertainment! I'm not necessarily saying my tastes are so "discriminating" and "particular" - for example, I've never managed to stay awake through "Andrei Rublev" but I've seen "Malibu's Most Wanted" at least three times - but I do know what I like and what I don't like; and even with something I do like, I might have to be in the "right mood" to like it on any given night. A similar problem happens with music: many times I just can't think of anything I really want to listen to. I've heard all the old stuff and new stuff just doesn't impress me except very infrequently. Is this what it's like to get old? I would hope not.
The same concept extends to people as well. It's hard to get interested in or friendly with new people. I make about one new myspace friend every two months. I'm not lamenting being "unpopular", as I do enjoy my non-mainstream status, but I also admit that it can be fun to meet new people sometimes.
So "Eyes Wide Shut" came on TV the other night which elicited from me one of those "Shit yeah" of enthusiastic "HO-HO-HO!"s which means "There is no way I'm not gonna watch this! Fuckin' A!"
EWS has always held a special place in my heart among Kubrick films. I can't pinpoint one exact reason for this, but I'm generally interested in the "psychosexual." I find the topic uniquely fascinating. If I got into grad school I wouldn't mind STUDYING such topics. (Why I'm interested in the topic is of no relevance to this discussion, nor would I discuss it here.)
And perhaps The Orgy Scene is one of my all-time favourite Kubrick scenes. Powerful. Mysterious. Vaguely Ominous. Chilling. The song is called "Masked Ball" by Jocelyn Pook and I can't give a better example than Kubrick of somebody combining the visual and the musical in so solid of a manner. The Youtube clip has been edited the hell up due to the Tits, but if you see the original scene you will get this unshakable nightmarish feeling you can't get anywhere else. I love that Sinister feeling that underlies this scene, or any scene in which Ligeti's "Musica Ricercata" is used:
Those horrifying masks? Those ridiculous zoom-ins? The solemn, yet dreadful feeling you get during all the scenes with the crowd and the Red-Hood priestlike guy? When Tom Cruise goes to the gate of the house the next day and the stern-looking man drives up, gives him the envelope without saying a word, then drives away? There's something deliciously spine-chilling about it - in that larger-than-life, meticulously arranged style that is instantly recognizable as nobody-but-Kubrick. I'm just gonna come right out and say I liked this one better than Full Metal Jacket. Better than Lolita. Better than fucking Spartacus. It's slow and draggy and sleep-inducing but yet it never loses its tension, and I sat there fervently fighting to stay awake. It's very rare that happens - usually I welcome sleep as an escape from a slow and boring movie. Not this one, though. This is one worth buying, and perhaps of watching as frequently as "Mulholland Dr." Both of which share a dreamlike surreality and might make a smashing movie-marathon combo if you have five hours to kill. Damn. I gotta do this!
I'm trying to distract myself but I'm having a bit of difficulty.
I have been debating whether or not to have regular "Nostalgia Stories" where I tell tales about interesting, memorable moments of my past. Part of me thinks "Yes, good, this would be interesting", but another, possibly more reasonable part of me thinks "Interesting or not, it's best not to live in the past so much, and your energies would be better focused on creating new memories out of the present." My gut says to go with this latter inclination. "Nostalgia" does carry a bit of a "wistful", "yearning", "sad" connotation to it, doesn't it? That's exactly what I don't want to get into!
Well, we did fun things this weekend. Stayed suprisingly busy. Went to a party on Friday night and saw a bunch of people I haven't seen in months and months: good people, too! All people I enjoy talking to and throwing back a few cold ones with. Cheerful good times. (The only bad news was that it was an almost 100% sausage-fest. I refuse to believe that "Real Life" has to be this much like High-School!)
I've made the provocative argument that in this High-School world, women are "coolness currency." You can tell how cool an event is by how many women there are there. For example, if there are only a few women, and fugly ones at that, whammo, you've got a total loser-fest on your hands. But if You go to a function where there is, say, a good 60/40 men/women ratio (or, heaven help us, even More Women!), then you start to approach a Coolness Threshhold. Is this because men are so "enslaved" to their penises/sex drives that they would only want to go to a party for "pussy"? I'd hope not, but You know how the world is . . . at the very least, You might agree with me that there's something "validating" about a social function that includes a "threshold" percentage of women, and something somewhat unsettling about a group that is All Men. Do Wimmin have get togethers where it's exclusively other Wimmin? Is this what "girls' night out" is?
A local female-dominated rock band which shall remain nameless made some kind of statement that it's women who hold the Upper Hand of Power in sexual relations, because "The Ultimate Decision" of whether or not You (as a man) will "get laid" is up to the Woman. I can understand how some people might find this empowering and liberating and "feministy", and I used to think so too; but now I find the statement to be oversimplified, misleading, naive, and even kind of patriarchal/misogynist.
Because: it rarely is that simple. What about rape, for one? What about Coercion? I don't like how the position seems to minimize the existence of these forms of violence. Now, I'm not claiming that women are these meek, weak defenseless doormats - a "weaker vessel" if you will, of unlimited sexual suggestibility. What I am saying is that many men are sex-addicted misogynists who will manipulate conversations and behaviours to get laid basically by any means necessary. I'm not saying women don't have sex drives and don't see these obvious "ulterior" motives, but . . . . I don't know what I'm saying any more. Obviously 99.99% of the things in this world are largely about and related to sex, but I wish men and women could put that aside for a while and just enjoy good times together without coming off as total sex-addicts, even if humans are indeed sex-addicts.
I wonder if I actually got laid if I'd stop wasting time pondering about all these somewhat-rhetorical sex-related questions and could think more about normal things like death and taxes and baseball and music and movies and books.
I mean, food and drink are pretty good, but I also wonder if the enjoyment I get from those is a surrogate/stand-in for the pleasure many people get from sex. I mean, I do find the eating and drinking experience to be pretty sensual.
Anyway. The new Woody Allen movie comes out in a few weeks. I'd like to go see it in the theatre and preferably not by myself. I might kidnap people under the cover story that we're going to see "the dark knight." Unfortunately, this subterfuge would probably not go over overly well. I just don't know why people hate Woody Allen so much. Or why I like him so much, for that matter. I would rather watch one of his "bad" forgettable movies like "Anything Else" or "Hollywood Ending" or maybe even god-help-me "Small Time Crooks" than watch 99.99% of other movies that come out. So I think Woody Allen is Cool. Manj My Balls.
Baseball baseball baseball baseball baseball all day every day. Football preseason starts today, however. I think by now I might just be ready for it. I wonder if fantasy football would be a good, innocent, non-sensualistic hobby for me, or if I would find it too boring to ever get around to playing it.
Indeed, writing in the SIBHoD is a very sensualistic/physical pleasure, I'm now realizing with horror. Phallic, even. Here's me doing something to this blank page: I'm inscribing upon it, leaving my Mark, if You will. Inflicting my voice and my opinion. The act of creation is inherently sexual, right? Like the fucking Cremaster and all that?
The best are guys that walk around with a Pocket Pussy and they always have to sneak away into a bathroom in the middle of the day to jerk-off. No, I wouldn't know this from personal experience, as I'm not a garden-variety sex-addict.
Apparently Russian author Alexander Solzhenitsyn ("The Gulag Archipelago", "Cancer Ward", "A day in the life of ivan denisovich") has just died. So there's Your Non-sexual Interesting Information O' The Day. (Not that death is not somewhat sexual!) I had always thought he was dead; I have never read any of his books, although I do have a copy of "A day in the life of..." that's been sitting on my bookshelf for years waiting for me to open it. So that's as relevant as it is interesting!
I'm not the world's best phone-call returner. I realize this can be pretty annoying, not to mention rude; but I'm not sure this realization will be enough to motivate me to become the World's Best phone-call returner. Baby Steps! I am so flighty that I may actually want to talk to the person, but I don't want to talk to them that exact second. Go figure. So, text messages and intranets messages are always encouraged. Indeed, you might get a lengthy and enthusiastic response!
Yes, I downloaded the soundtrack to "Eyes Wide Shut" and I might even burn it to CD for some classic Nighttime Listening.
For all the praise I shower upon Sigur Ros, I don't actually listen to them nearly enough. My mountains of acclamation are largely based on a few quick listens of "Agaetis Byrjun". Like who doesn't like that album? It's still encouraging, though, to have such a positive initial reaction to a band and their music.
Justifiable praise can be showered, however, on "Miller's Bar" on the Southwesterly side of town. Their specialty is burgers. I don't even think they have a menu. I think all they make is burgers, fries, and onion rings. Yet the place is always packed. It's something like GQ magazine's #8 best burger in the nation, like that means anything, but... it is a damn good burger. A God Damn fucking awesome burger. I was vocally and physically gushing with every single bite I took:
"Better than heterosexual sex!"
"Stupid good!"
"This isn't right! This is so good it's wrong! I feel like we should be arrested!"
and so on, and so forth. The fries and onion rings were nothing to shake a stick at, either: Thin, McDonald's-ish fries limp and piping hot with grease, just the way I like them.
Might cause a little gastrointenstinal "regret" later, however, this burger is worth a journey.
So, maybe I should download more Sigur Ros albums and listen to them in moi boudoir. Apparently they are playing in concert next month, and, predictably, the concert sold-out right quick. A shame, as this is one of the few bands I'd actually not mind seeing live.
Maybe I would like more bands if I actually went out to more concerts. It's a bit unfair to cast this blanket-judgement and say "ALL BANDS SUCK" and thus refuse to go to concerts of bands because they "SUCK." It may be difficult to get "into" new music, sure, but I cannot discount that the concert experience has the potential to be a fun one, and might "turn me onto" a new band I like. Like that time I saw.....errrrm.....uhhh...... blonde redhead? No, in all seriousness, I did enjoy seeing blonde redhead and I enjoy their albums, but I haven't been listening to them very consistently.
And I'm still pissed about missing Immortal Technique.
Where do people go to dance who aren't huge striped-shirt douchebags, brah? I swore "cool kids" liked to dance too! I got to plug into this scene already!
What the hell am I going to do with my LIFE? Psychological counselling doesn't well-pay the bills, plus in actuality I'd want to focus on treating bourgeois white adultolescents on their eating disorders and drug disorders and nervousness anxiety depression etc. I wouldn't necessarily like being a "social worker" to poor urban kids. As classist and racist as that sounds. In reality I would probably prefer doing RESEARCH to counselling; but I'd rather get an MA than a PHD because the thought of "being a PHD student is simply too scary."
wtf do I do? I need to make some money before I go back to school; And I can't just "get into grad school" without developing some recent references. That problem just isn't going away. More and more I just want to sell-out and get an IT certificate at the cheapest, closest school, and get trained in the "fastest growing field" and maybe make more $$ than I would as a counselor.
It's funny when some dudes want to make a lot of money because "that's how you get a ton of pussy." That's not the way "it" works, is it? What if you didn't need a "ton of pussy" to be satisfied - maybe just a few hi-qual pussies?
Uh-oh. Single-track mind over here. I'd better quit while I'm "ahead."
But here's one thing I do like for sure: "American Dad" by seth macfarlane. And "Assy McGee" on Adult swim. And both are on TONIGHT! Gah!
Well, I can't quite bring the good stuff with the SIBHoD today, but, as I say, I'm feeling a little more distracted than usual.
I like how whenever someone dies, Charlie Rose always uses this exact form: "(insert name here): DEAD AT (insert age here.)" Prove me wrong. Alexander Solzhenitsyn, DEAD AT 89. Every single time.
At any rate, It feels good to be a Prefect.
Friday, August 1, 2008
jabberjawls
Well, let's just say one of my Trusty Readers (much appreciated!) has given me the great idea of trying my hand at some "fan-fiction"; but I will say no more, as I want to sleep on it a few more nights. Plus I'm kind of a cranky crab today, a mood which, naturally, lends itself best to DOING MYSPACE SURVEYS! GAHHH! This probably won't hold you over until the guaranteed-to-be-ridiculously-hilarious fanfic comes out (soon!), but fuggit. I got to do some yard work soon, son.
Would you bang your neighbor?
Would you believe I have a kink for 80-year old delerious invalids? Also, "bang" is such a ghey word. We need to bring back underused gems such as "ROOT" and "ROGER" and "GROWL" and "REAM".
What describes your relationship status?
My mind and perhaps my peers might attempt to describe it. Describe it as what, is up for debate. Reductionists and trogs and fans of boring brevity would probs call it "single"; I would not quite call it "wack single" unless I am of a mind to Krump; I used to describe myself as "Divorced" in that hilarious myspace-overexaggeration style; but of course I have never been married. And truly "Divorced" may give the inaccurate impression that I may be "bitter" about anything. Then there's "Single and looking." I'm not particularly "looking", as women, banal people that they are, tend to bore me to sleep; but if I happen to meet a womyn I get along with and have fun with and whom I genuinely like-like and we have a gud time hanging-out & making-out & watching fun movies and there's no voice in the back of my head screaming "O G-D DON'T SETTLE FOR THIS" and ultimately we mutually agree "Let's do this," I'd do it. Give me a fair shake and I won't fairly shake you overly hard. Honestly, wimmin: you could really do a Lottt worse than a HILARIOUS WRITER WITH UNFUCKWITHABLY SWEET MAKE-OUT SKEELZ.
Where are you?
In the basement staying cool, thx.
What's the last movie you've seen?
I started watching "License to Wed" again yesterday, then got bored. Then I watched part of Woody Allen's "Shadows and Fog" because it was on TV and I was there alone and everyone I know hates Woody Allen and I could never get away with watching this if anyone else was around. Not his greatest, but that hasn't stopped me from seeing it 6000000 times. See it if only for the photography, you Philistines! Then I caught a few minutes of "Double Dragon: The Movie" which was switched to "The Simpsons Movie" (Still kinda disappointed in that.) Eventually this led to me watching "Groundhog Day" on demand. "Ned? Ned Ryerson??!! BING!" Still, I was too distracted by reading my own writing to really get into it. Such a Good Writer!
Do you do drugs?
Is Fentanyl a drug?
What is your middle name?
If You Don't Know Me By Now . . .
Who have you talked to most today?
I talked to my friend on the phone for about 7 minutes. This is an extreme oddity, especially before 1 pm. Almost more sociality than I can handle for the day!
Do you carve pumpkins every year?
That's a "girl thing", right? So, no.
Color of your underwear?
Are you fucking kidding me? Why don't You come Suck My Dick and find out Yourself, you filthy animal?
Color of your shirt?
Plain White Babez.
How many years have you taken a language?
This person's first language is obviously not English. Do they mean academically? Then no longer than 2 years. I'm pretty serious about my student-for-life status with respect to english, though; and I have a kink for learning bits of as many languages as possible. Worked on Russian and I'd like to bring that back. Wish I remembered any of my 1 year of Latin. German and French need to get picked up ASAP as a basic matter of course. I have a Learn Polish book in the trunk of my car Right Now. I also would like to learn some of Arabic and Persian (Farsi?). Not so much interest in the Asian languages, although if I ever traveled there I'm sure I'd try to pick it up. Other fun languages would be: Albanian, Finnish, Lithuanian, Faroese, Welsh, and that one with all the clicking.
Who's the first person in your Contacts List in your phone?
This guy whose name begins with "Aa" because of its primacy alphabetically. No, not "Alcoholics Anonymous", you fat faggot fuck.
Do you like yourself?
Probably a little too much, now that I think of it. Well, better to be guilty of a little arrogance than to be a little navel-gazing bitch, right?
Do you wish on 11:11?
WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???? Man, you can learn alot "About What Women Are Like" from these things. As fascinating as it is bizarre.
Good advice if you ever go camping?
One 30-cube of Natural Light per person per day.
Are you a bad influence?
I have been guilty of corrupting the youth before, but I wasn't particularly Proud of it, as my moral code calls for me to try to be at least a neutral, if not positive, influence.
Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?
Calorie-Free Rip-It Atomic Pom FTW. Fuck Your Rockstars.
Rather have your name or your siblings?
Oh, women. I guess we just care about different topics of conversation. Well, it's not WOMEN per se that makes this question so out-there, it's actually the conflict of my subaltern / iconoclastic status vis-a-viz the banality of dominant, mainstream, capitalist amerikkkan culture, right? It's not really a "girl thing." I'm pretty happy with my name, thx. And I like how the question-asker just automatically assumes everyone has siblings.
Would you do anything for someone else?
I've had these weird dreams which hinged upon this entire theme in which an evil madperson was holding people I Love hostage and in order to set them free, I was placed in the difficult moral predicament of having to execute one of them with a pistol. Of course these moral extremities are not very realistic, but I think it's only natural and responsible to ponder the absolute limits of our moral obligations. I cannot answer this question with a simple "yes" or "no", as it would depend hugely on the situation. As humans we are capable of great compassion but also great cruelty, great heroism and great cowardice. Anyone stupid enough to quickly answer "yes" here is a freaking Liar, btw.
Have you ever been called a bitch?
That's a good word compared to some of the things I've been called.
Favorite color?
Popular question, this one. Now although I adore old Mayhem and other trve BLACK metal, that hasn't stopped me from wearing and enjoying a nice white sweater.
Do you like cookies?
Not as much as most people, it seems, but I don't HATAR dem. Double-Stuf Oreos boioioioing.
What song is on?
Krohm: "The Waning". BYBO!
Are your grades good?
My college gpa was 3.67! Ooooohooooohooohooooooh! Not good enough for BERKELEY apparently!
Do you ever think people hate you for filling this out?
Good lord, I might have to bring back "Things I Hate" because I'm feeling a bit of self-loathing myself for doing this. That's entertainment! Now, if OTHER people hate me, they obviously need to get a life and lick my fucking asshole for all eternity.
What would you do if the person you loved moved across the world?
Write blogs for the rest of my life, plant a pine tree.
Does your best friend have a myspace?
GHEY!
Whose page did you visit last?
I visit my own page most frequently because it's the funnest page of anyone I know. Before that it was probably aksjhasdfuhasd;oasdfolasgkj
Last time you went out to lunch?
Went out to familylunch with M & D 2-3 days ago. Sesame Chicken FTW!!
What is to the right of you?
Gatorade bottle filled with h2000. Plastic mug with cold black coffee. sharpie. flashlight. star trek motorola c155. pocket calculator stolen from "FRONT DESK."
Who is your favorite character from Friends?
Reallly? In all honesty, I watched this show when it first came out and I was a friendless 5th-grader, and at that time I probably enjoyed that crazy broad phoebe (name???) cause she so carazay. These days, viewing even a second of the programme stirs deep feelings of physical revulsion.
Who do you hate?
There's a fair number of people on "Things I Hate" bwahahaha
Do you have any Britney Spears CDs?
The only britney spears anything I have is an mp3 of "Gimme More" on my comp. Typical!
What's your favorite band?
Smrt question! I like this question and I like people who ask it! As if all people have one equivocal #1 favourite band that never changes throughout their entire lives. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! F#@K! F#@K! F#@K! This week I have listened to fair amounts of: Burzum, In The Woods..., T.W., and the standard playlist shuffle.
Are you a Lost fanatic?
Uh, I still need to "Get Caught Up." This might require some proverbial prodding.
Do you have a GF?
Yes, I have several Guy Friends.
Billy Brown: "I don't need anybody. Do you hear what I said? Do you hear what I said this time? Wanna know the truth? I coulda had any girl I wanted, in school. Any girl I wanted. You know why I didn't have a girlfriend? Huh? Because there was nobody that I liked. Nobody that I liked. That's the truth. I coulda had anybody. There was nobody that I liked because girls stink. They stink. They're evil, and they're all bad. All of them. They're all backstabbers, like you."
Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
I have Black Sabbath covering "Blue Suede Shoes" and a Sabbath Peel Session where "War Pigs" was still called "Walpurgisnacht." CAN'T TOUCH ME!
Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
It's disappointing when a FG rerun you've seen 6000000 times is better than anything else on tv at the moment. For all the sabre-rattling against this show, I've gotten a good chuckle out of it.
King of the Hill?
Finally an interesting question. I used to hate this show SO MUCH, even moreso than "Friends." It offended me on so many deep levels. Then, recently, I discovered that it is the Perfect Show To Fall Asleep To. Try it sometime.
Do you read trashy romance novels often?
Wha? Law and Order fanfictions where Benson and Stabler bone down hard on the interrogation table?
Favorite starbucks drink?
Big Coffee. Most of that stuff is a Caloriestravaganza.
Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
1. Over The Top Black Metal Vokills Ripped Off From Dead (Mayhem). 2. My Robert Smith impersonation was also very listenable. 3. Since my tape player broke, I'm forced to rely on the radio, and my awesomely obnoxious singing has really tapered off :((((
Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?
If the fam can't hear me, absolutely.
What are you?
The Kind Of Person Who Likes To Go Shopping At The Mall A Lot!
Have you ever pretended your crush was with you?
"UNREASONABLE ASSUMPTIONS 3: MIXED SIGNALS". I like how they assume everybody has "a crush." Actually, that's kind of cute. Maybe if more people actually got nice innocent crushes in these troubled times, the world would be a better place. (Or a worse place, as rampant unrequited infatuation drove more people to madness and poor-decisions.) And by "with", I guess it probably is a safe assumption that they mean "gettin' with" You. And NOT that they are merely sitting With you, also With some clown-shoes bozo they want to Bone Down With, when it's obvious You're way cooler. That latter With I could do Without. Assuming I was enough of a girly-man to even get a "crush" in the first place!
Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?
I've overly romanticized the beauty of self-immolation as political protest.
Have true love or be a millionaire?
$1,000,000 PWNS TRVE LUV What A World (VI)! :(
Favorite eye color on the opposite/same sex?
Anything that doesn't make me vomit.
"Looking into a pair of brown eyes is like looking up someone's arsehole, because brown is the same colour as shit." -Varg Vikernes.
jk I like brown eyes sometimes!
Are your friends virgins?
G-D I WISH. How does one abide so many of these.... these Fuckers???
Give up alcohol or give up marijuana?
I don't smoke marijuana because this is amerikkka and I'm not gay. The idea of giving up alcohol is kinda terrifying.
Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
ORGANIZED LABOUR!!!!
Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
No, but all the kids I went to school with have been. "Oh, here's a picture of me in CHILE. Santiago was such an experience! Here's my blog about it!"
I could take it or leave it, preferably the latter. I'm tryna get to Russia, son.
Do you know how to knit?
I once "dated" a girl many moons ago who was a complete knitting fetishist. Obsessed. So I figured, "Hey, show an interest in things she's interested in, maybe that's a good idea, maybe that will show her you like her, and you can have a 'shared activity'."
Are you high?
I broke one foot off in the ass of the last surveyor's survey I took, don't make me walk around on two stumps. Dickhead Bitch.
Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on myspace?
Um, no. I'm cool. I write love Poyems and then give drunken Readings of them.
Do you swear all the time?
Not my cup of tea. I sublimate my anger in more interesting ways.
When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
Something dark and plaid-y, hopefully.
Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
I have not even been in an ice-cream store in at least 4 years.
Physics or chemistry?
ChemE, brah, is where the ducatz is at.
Who was the last person you yelled at?
Medium-sized Great White Dyke Dog of The Devil. Or a person in a dream.
R-rated or G-rated movies?
urge to kill rising
Walk or Run?
I have a hardon for a nice relaxing walk. I walk an hour every day. Sometimes 4 hours a day. I started a fantasy walking team.
Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?
meh. LOTR? I guess? Not in a big "fantasy" phase at this particular juncture in time.
Road trip or fly?
Road trip. Unless we're going to Russia. No Jabronies allowed.
Batman, Spiderman, or Superman?
Narcolepsyman.
What's your favorite Disney movie?
Fantasia, Beauty and the Beast, perhaps Snow White. I should probably bring some of those hits back. The Singing Sword.
Ever been skinny dipping?
Nerver. I keep the drawers on when I go drunk-swimming. You're gonna have to try harder than that if You want to feast your eyes on these sacred genitalia.
How's your hair?
Liebe es! Although it's sort of getting into "The Awkward Stage" right now. I would like to grow it long again before I go frigging bald.
Bug or insects?
Fucking middle-school kids with their goddam Mollie and goddam sharpie-sniffing and goddam casual analingus.
Would you rather eat sushi or es cargo?
I could go for a nice fried chicken right now, though.
Do you have a secret crush?
I picked quite the saucy survey today, didn't I? I bet my SECRET CRUSH would like to know!
Do you ever want to get married?
Bride-In-A-Box, baby. I'd take the plunge. Why not, eh? You only live once and you can always get a fucking Divorce ftw! But seriously folks.
Are you happy?
deliriously blissed
Will anyone repost this?
I'm beginning to have my doubts.
Why did you take this survey?
I don't feel like cutting the lawn right now, or for taking another 60000000 question Unicru personality test just so the video store can tell me the position has been cancelled, and I don't want to start the high-pressure Law & Order Sexy Fan Fic quite yet, and I have to write in the SIBHoD every day or I'll go Canadian Greyhound on some heads, and I'm a incorrigible exhibitionist.
It's disquieting that someone could read catholic books like "Marriage = One Man + One Woman: A Catholic's Guide To Defending The Sanctity Of Marriage" and spend more time doing that than I do writing SIBHoD and listening to freaking black metal.
Would you bang your neighbor?
Would you believe I have a kink for 80-year old delerious invalids? Also, "bang" is such a ghey word. We need to bring back underused gems such as "ROOT" and "ROGER" and "GROWL" and "REAM".
What describes your relationship status?
My mind and perhaps my peers might attempt to describe it. Describe it as what, is up for debate. Reductionists and trogs and fans of boring brevity would probs call it "single"; I would not quite call it "wack single" unless I am of a mind to Krump; I used to describe myself as "Divorced" in that hilarious myspace-overexaggeration style; but of course I have never been married. And truly "Divorced" may give the inaccurate impression that I may be "bitter" about anything. Then there's "Single and looking." I'm not particularly "looking", as women, banal people that they are, tend to bore me to sleep; but if I happen to meet a womyn I get along with and have fun with and whom I genuinely like-like and we have a gud time hanging-out & making-out & watching fun movies and there's no voice in the back of my head screaming "O G-D DON'T SETTLE FOR THIS" and ultimately we mutually agree "Let's do this," I'd do it. Give me a fair shake and I won't fairly shake you overly hard. Honestly, wimmin: you could really do a Lottt worse than a HILARIOUS WRITER WITH UNFUCKWITHABLY SWEET MAKE-OUT SKEELZ.
Where are you?
In the basement staying cool, thx.
What's the last movie you've seen?
I started watching "License to Wed" again yesterday, then got bored. Then I watched part of Woody Allen's "Shadows and Fog" because it was on TV and I was there alone and everyone I know hates Woody Allen and I could never get away with watching this if anyone else was around. Not his greatest, but that hasn't stopped me from seeing it 6000000 times. See it if only for the photography, you Philistines! Then I caught a few minutes of "Double Dragon: The Movie" which was switched to "The Simpsons Movie" (Still kinda disappointed in that.) Eventually this led to me watching "Groundhog Day" on demand. "Ned? Ned Ryerson??!! BING!" Still, I was too distracted by reading my own writing to really get into it. Such a Good Writer!
Do you do drugs?
Is Fentanyl a drug?
What is your middle name?
If You Don't Know Me By Now . . .
Who have you talked to most today?
I talked to my friend on the phone for about 7 minutes. This is an extreme oddity, especially before 1 pm. Almost more sociality than I can handle for the day!
Do you carve pumpkins every year?
That's a "girl thing", right? So, no.
Color of your underwear?
Are you fucking kidding me? Why don't You come Suck My Dick and find out Yourself, you filthy animal?
Color of your shirt?
Plain White Babez.
How many years have you taken a language?
This person's first language is obviously not English. Do they mean academically? Then no longer than 2 years. I'm pretty serious about my student-for-life status with respect to english, though; and I have a kink for learning bits of as many languages as possible. Worked on Russian and I'd like to bring that back. Wish I remembered any of my 1 year of Latin. German and French need to get picked up ASAP as a basic matter of course. I have a Learn Polish book in the trunk of my car Right Now. I also would like to learn some of Arabic and Persian (Farsi?). Not so much interest in the Asian languages, although if I ever traveled there I'm sure I'd try to pick it up. Other fun languages would be: Albanian, Finnish, Lithuanian, Faroese, Welsh, and that one with all the clicking.
Who's the first person in your Contacts List in your phone?
This guy whose name begins with "Aa" because of its primacy alphabetically. No, not "Alcoholics Anonymous", you fat faggot fuck.
Do you like yourself?
Probably a little too much, now that I think of it. Well, better to be guilty of a little arrogance than to be a little navel-gazing bitch, right?
Do you wish on 11:11?
WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???? Man, you can learn alot "About What Women Are Like" from these things. As fascinating as it is bizarre.
Good advice if you ever go camping?
One 30-cube of Natural Light per person per day.
Are you a bad influence?
I have been guilty of corrupting the youth before, but I wasn't particularly Proud of it, as my moral code calls for me to try to be at least a neutral, if not positive, influence.
Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?
Calorie-Free Rip-It Atomic Pom FTW. Fuck Your Rockstars.
Rather have your name or your siblings?
Oh, women. I guess we just care about different topics of conversation. Well, it's not WOMEN per se that makes this question so out-there, it's actually the conflict of my subaltern / iconoclastic status vis-a-viz the banality of dominant, mainstream, capitalist amerikkkan culture, right? It's not really a "girl thing." I'm pretty happy with my name, thx. And I like how the question-asker just automatically assumes everyone has siblings.
Would you do anything for someone else?
I've had these weird dreams which hinged upon this entire theme in which an evil madperson was holding people I Love hostage and in order to set them free, I was placed in the difficult moral predicament of having to execute one of them with a pistol. Of course these moral extremities are not very realistic, but I think it's only natural and responsible to ponder the absolute limits of our moral obligations. I cannot answer this question with a simple "yes" or "no", as it would depend hugely on the situation. As humans we are capable of great compassion but also great cruelty, great heroism and great cowardice. Anyone stupid enough to quickly answer "yes" here is a freaking Liar, btw.
Have you ever been called a bitch?
That's a good word compared to some of the things I've been called.
Favorite color?
Popular question, this one. Now although I adore old Mayhem and other trve BLACK metal, that hasn't stopped me from wearing and enjoying a nice white sweater.
Do you like cookies?
Not as much as most people, it seems, but I don't HATAR dem. Double-Stuf Oreos boioioioing.
What song is on?
Krohm: "The Waning". BYBO!
Are your grades good?
My college gpa was 3.67! Ooooohooooohooohooooooh! Not good enough for BERKELEY apparently!
Do you ever think people hate you for filling this out?
Good lord, I might have to bring back "Things I Hate" because I'm feeling a bit of self-loathing myself for doing this. That's entertainment! Now, if OTHER people hate me, they obviously need to get a life and lick my fucking asshole for all eternity.
What would you do if the person you loved moved across the world?
Write blogs for the rest of my life, plant a pine tree.
Does your best friend have a myspace?
GHEY!
Whose page did you visit last?
I visit my own page most frequently because it's the funnest page of anyone I know. Before that it was probably aksjhasdfuhasd;oasdfolasgkj
Last time you went out to lunch?
Went out to familylunch with M & D 2-3 days ago. Sesame Chicken FTW!!
What is to the right of you?
Gatorade bottle filled with h2000. Plastic mug with cold black coffee. sharpie. flashlight. star trek motorola c155. pocket calculator stolen from "FRONT DESK."
Who is your favorite character from Friends?
Reallly? In all honesty, I watched this show when it first came out and I was a friendless 5th-grader, and at that time I probably enjoyed that crazy broad phoebe (name???) cause she so carazay. These days, viewing even a second of the programme stirs deep feelings of physical revulsion.
Who do you hate?
There's a fair number of people on "Things I Hate" bwahahaha
Do you have any Britney Spears CDs?
The only britney spears anything I have is an mp3 of "Gimme More" on my comp. Typical!
What's your favorite band?
Smrt question! I like this question and I like people who ask it! As if all people have one equivocal #1 favourite band that never changes throughout their entire lives. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! F#@K! F#@K! F#@K! This week I have listened to fair amounts of: Burzum, In The Woods..., T.W., and the standard playlist shuffle.
Are you a Lost fanatic?
Uh, I still need to "Get Caught Up." This might require some proverbial prodding.
Do you have a GF?
Yes, I have several Guy Friends.
Billy Brown: "I don't need anybody. Do you hear what I said? Do you hear what I said this time? Wanna know the truth? I coulda had any girl I wanted, in school. Any girl I wanted. You know why I didn't have a girlfriend? Huh? Because there was nobody that I liked. Nobody that I liked. That's the truth. I coulda had anybody. There was nobody that I liked because girls stink. They stink. They're evil, and they're all bad. All of them. They're all backstabbers, like you."
Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
I have Black Sabbath covering "Blue Suede Shoes" and a Sabbath Peel Session where "War Pigs" was still called "Walpurgisnacht." CAN'T TOUCH ME!
Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
It's disappointing when a FG rerun you've seen 6000000 times is better than anything else on tv at the moment. For all the sabre-rattling against this show, I've gotten a good chuckle out of it.
King of the Hill?
Finally an interesting question. I used to hate this show SO MUCH, even moreso than "Friends." It offended me on so many deep levels. Then, recently, I discovered that it is the Perfect Show To Fall Asleep To. Try it sometime.
Do you read trashy romance novels often?
Wha? Law and Order fanfictions where Benson and Stabler bone down hard on the interrogation table?
Favorite starbucks drink?
Big Coffee. Most of that stuff is a Caloriestravaganza.
Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
1. Over The Top Black Metal Vokills Ripped Off From Dead (Mayhem). 2. My Robert Smith impersonation was also very listenable. 3. Since my tape player broke, I'm forced to rely on the radio, and my awesomely obnoxious singing has really tapered off :((((
Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?
If the fam can't hear me, absolutely.
What are you?
The Kind Of Person Who Likes To Go Shopping At The Mall A Lot!
Have you ever pretended your crush was with you?
"UNREASONABLE ASSUMPTIONS 3: MIXED SIGNALS". I like how they assume everybody has "a crush." Actually, that's kind of cute. Maybe if more people actually got nice innocent crushes in these troubled times, the world would be a better place. (Or a worse place, as rampant unrequited infatuation drove more people to madness and poor-decisions.) And by "with", I guess it probably is a safe assumption that they mean "gettin' with" You. And NOT that they are merely sitting With you, also With some clown-shoes bozo they want to Bone Down With, when it's obvious You're way cooler. That latter With I could do Without. Assuming I was enough of a girly-man to even get a "crush" in the first place!
Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?
I've overly romanticized the beauty of self-immolation as political protest.
Have true love or be a millionaire?
$1,000,000 PWNS TRVE LUV What A World (VI)! :(
Favorite eye color on the opposite/same sex?
Anything that doesn't make me vomit.
"Looking into a pair of brown eyes is like looking up someone's arsehole, because brown is the same colour as shit." -Varg Vikernes.
jk I like brown eyes sometimes!
Are your friends virgins?
G-D I WISH. How does one abide so many of these.... these Fuckers???
Give up alcohol or give up marijuana?
I don't smoke marijuana because this is amerikkka and I'm not gay. The idea of giving up alcohol is kinda terrifying.
Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
ORGANIZED LABOUR!!!!
Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
No, but all the kids I went to school with have been. "Oh, here's a picture of me in CHILE. Santiago was such an experience! Here's my blog about it!"
I could take it or leave it, preferably the latter. I'm tryna get to Russia, son.
Do you know how to knit?
I once "dated" a girl many moons ago who was a complete knitting fetishist. Obsessed. So I figured, "Hey, show an interest in things she's interested in, maybe that's a good idea, maybe that will show her you like her, and you can have a 'shared activity'."
Are you high?
I broke one foot off in the ass of the last surveyor's survey I took, don't make me walk around on two stumps. Dickhead Bitch.
Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on myspace?
Um, no. I'm cool. I write love Poyems and then give drunken Readings of them.
Do you swear all the time?
Not my cup of tea. I sublimate my anger in more interesting ways.
When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
Something dark and plaid-y, hopefully.
Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
I have not even been in an ice-cream store in at least 4 years.
Physics or chemistry?
ChemE, brah, is where the ducatz is at.
Who was the last person you yelled at?
Medium-sized Great White Dyke Dog of The Devil. Or a person in a dream.
R-rated or G-rated movies?
urge to kill rising
Walk or Run?
I have a hardon for a nice relaxing walk. I walk an hour every day. Sometimes 4 hours a day. I started a fantasy walking team.
Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?
meh. LOTR? I guess? Not in a big "fantasy" phase at this particular juncture in time.
Road trip or fly?
Road trip. Unless we're going to Russia. No Jabronies allowed.
Batman, Spiderman, or Superman?
Narcolepsyman.
What's your favorite Disney movie?
Fantasia, Beauty and the Beast, perhaps Snow White. I should probably bring some of those hits back. The Singing Sword.
Ever been skinny dipping?
Nerver. I keep the drawers on when I go drunk-swimming. You're gonna have to try harder than that if You want to feast your eyes on these sacred genitalia.
How's your hair?
Liebe es! Although it's sort of getting into "The Awkward Stage" right now. I would like to grow it long again before I go frigging bald.
Bug or insects?
Fucking middle-school kids with their goddam Mollie and goddam sharpie-sniffing and goddam casual analingus.
Would you rather eat sushi or es cargo?
I could go for a nice fried chicken right now, though.
Do you have a secret crush?
I picked quite the saucy survey today, didn't I? I bet my SECRET CRUSH would like to know!
Do you ever want to get married?
Bride-In-A-Box, baby. I'd take the plunge. Why not, eh? You only live once and you can always get a fucking Divorce ftw! But seriously folks.
Are you happy?
deliriously blissed
Will anyone repost this?
I'm beginning to have my doubts.
Why did you take this survey?
I don't feel like cutting the lawn right now, or for taking another 60000000 question Unicru personality test just so the video store can tell me the position has been cancelled, and I don't want to start the high-pressure Law & Order Sexy Fan Fic quite yet, and I have to write in the SIBHoD every day or I'll go Canadian Greyhound on some heads, and I'm a incorrigible exhibitionist.
It's disquieting that someone could read catholic books like "Marriage = One Man + One Woman: A Catholic's Guide To Defending The Sanctity Of Marriage" and spend more time doing that than I do writing SIBHoD and listening to freaking black metal.
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