PLEASED TO REAM YOU

Here's a Lazy Sunday Sibhod. I tend to get Nostalgaic on Sundays. Fair Warning.

I dedicate this Sibhod to someone I know who lives in Hipster Hell, who recently passed their bar exam and has become a full-blown juris dokkktor. That's resume gold right there. Maybe You could use Your new powers to help a Man getta J.O.B. Only "problem" is, he's a convicted criminal, and he requires that the ink be dry on the contract before he incurs the great financial risk of Movin' Out. Of course, he's offering $11,500 as Incentive. That's a pretty good incentive, if I do say so myself.

I don't care if this Sibhod is "just going through the motions". If You get bored, read somebody Else's Blog.

Racism/Defamation Alert: I use the word "Jewrun" twice in this post. But nothing about Blacks, as I can recall.

I like the Lifehouse video (whaddya mean which song) because they look SO INTENSE as they're rocking out, even though they are the least-threatening looking "men" on the planet. Just a bunch of boys at a party school who were too laid-back in their partying approach to Wanna Rush A Frat, and so they save all their intensity for their video clip. Especially the big brown bass player.

So the day off started out pretty good, I woke up at a decent hour (unsettling dreams, though), figured out my classes for next term. But things started coming together to make me cripplingly depressed: I realized how I was gonna take all basically first-year classes, and how stupid I was to waste my ENTIRE Bachelors Degree; I tried doing some Production Prep for the Solo Project which was excruciating and unrewarding and very morale-draining: recording the Solo Project is Not Fun At All. So why even do it? Then I saw something online about "life consequences of a DUI" and I felt like this would prevent me from EVER getting a Good Job and Ever moving out of the Parents' Basement because no-one's ever gonna hire a DUI-convict, so I figured maybe I should just blow my brains out and commit suicide right now; and THEN I saw the name of some "Ideal-Intersection" Woman I knew many lifetimes ago and how she and her Nice Personality were In Law School and not Terribly Perturbed, living a Pretty Straightforwardly Successful and Happy, Professional life in The Big City. Then I thought about me being Lonely and how Some pretty clusterfucky experiences with some pretty Trifling Hoes were still "As Good As It Got" in the Romantic Realm. Like, "Yeah, that totally sucked balls, but I've never matched or exceeded the High I got for a few fleeting moments there. That was As Successful-With-Women as I've ever been, and that will probably remain true for the rest of my godforsaken, unemployable life."

And then I didn't want to do homework or even think about The Solo Project or Goddam Women, I just wanted to listen to "The Last Waltz" by some Band, note the unpleasant incident in the Sibhod, and wonder why these unpleasant thoughts had to strike on my Day Off.

So, Duly Noted. These are all classic, textbook Cognitive Distortions, and it would be best to promptly Rebut them, and then go play DQ8 or read HP.

As "Useless" as my degree is, nothing can take my education away from me, and even if it doesn't really Do anything for me, it absolutely cannot Hurt me.

So what if the classes I'm taking are mainly "Intro." There is a substantial number of Career Changers (i.e. people even Older than me) who are also taking Econ 101 and Acct 101 and Management 101 and Marketing 101 and all that bullcrap. At least I'm taking something rather than nothing.

You can have a DUI conviction and still have a good job. George W Bush has a DUI conviction, hahaha. I'm pretty sure there are even Attorneys-at-law who have DUI convictions. And they don't get automatically disbarred. Or maybe they do. Well, at any rate, GWB went to Yale Business School or something. Ted Kennedy had an even more ridiculous drunk-driving conviction with the Ol' Chappaquiddick. So I guess I could still be a rich, successful politician. I just can't be a truck driver. Or ever travel to Bjoergvin, Norway. Or even Chatham, Ontario.

The Women thing is always the most challenging to rebut because it's never Not been a clusterfuck. All I can do is to continue doing my Thang and Adapting My Approach, and one day I will accomplish some good in this dep't. It was simply to-be-expected, that as a Nontrifling Introvert, I was going to have a little more trouble than Avg in this Dep't anyway. So it just takes a little longer time than for the Avg Joe Blow.

The Band is a totally Shithot Band. I used to have a "Mini-crush" on this one young woman who liked The Band also. Too bad she was total bourge and that was like 5 years ago and Real Women don't like The Band so she wasn't a Real Woman, waaah waaaah waaaah, Explanation for Women(tm): "The Band was the name of A Band including Jaime Robert Robertson and Levon Helm and Rick Danko and Richard Manuel and Garth Hudson, and they first became famous playing as Bob Dylan's Band (see Explanation of Bob Dylan For Women(tm)) then later became a successful band in their own right with such desert-island classic songs as "Makes No Difference" and "Ophelia" and "Up On Cripple Creek" and perhaps most widely-recognized, "The Weight", and they had a festive farewell concert called "The Last Waltz" chronicled in the film of the same name by noted filmmaker Martin Scorsese (see Explanation of blabla) and included special guests such as Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, Muddy Waters, et al)"

What Would Dr David D Burns MD Say: That's just nonsense. Plenty of Real Women like The Band. Like ummm. Jane Smith. And Jane Doooeeear. And...BarrrrBraa BilllllingsWorth.

It's kinda sad how everything on the Sibhod is just "Women Women Women Women Women". But it's not really that sad. It's just the way it is. I am fascinated with "Women Women Women Women Women" exactly because "WWWWW" seem so strange and alien and curious and different and fascinating. There were few choice minutes in life where it was actually fun to hang out with Them(r) and/or more. So yeah. I guess it's a Little bit sad, but let's not blow it out of proportion!

Fuck this noise. I'm gonna stop writing right now and lay the hell down.

So I was having a notsogreat day on my day off, just thinking circularly, as I unfortunately sometimes do. The best thing I could do was to Stop the circle and lay down and take a nap after playing some Dragon Quest. The nap did wonders for my mood, although I think I was having violent nightmares during it, complete with me thrashing about in my bed and perhaps even shouting in my sleep. WTFFFF?

Then, at night, I had a terrifying, vivid, hard to wakeupfrom nightmare where my family was being attacked by superpowerful zombies and we were just waiting helplessly for mad zombies to come kill us. THEYYYY'RE BAAAACK!!!!

But somehow I still came out somewhat well-rested, so the sleep did its job in the end.

We cannot be superhuman because we're all just simply regular humans. So what if you're not exactly where you want to be at age 2X. Sometimes just passing the interview and getting any goddam shitscrubbing job is good enough for the time being, and this should certainly not count against one for allegedly "not living up to some [bullshit imaginary] ideal". We must call bullshit where we see it.

This is where I lash out - violently - Against All Women(tm) for demanding an Unreasonable Amount of Success: "Hey! I still have ambition for results! I want results! But don't you [all(tm)] realize you've got to try and fail for a while before you finally try and Succeed in Getting Results?!"

Waaah, waaah, waaah. Adapt Or Sodini!

People are weird, weird weird. Like this guy that shot up Ft Hood. This is interesting for several reasons: He was an Evil Muslim; He was somewhat High Up on the chain of command; He was a Psychiatrist, M.D., high-achieving, 100 years of medical school. AND, finally, he did not do the Suicide Finish like 99.99999% of spree-shooters do. He's still alive. Put all that in your pipe and smoke it.

Not yr typical garden-variety spree-shooter, in other words.

Anyway. Today is better because I'm working like a Bigboy, gettin' paid.

How hard would it be to get You to agree with me that the following behaviours are pretty high-up on the list of "Most Antisocial Activities":

1. Spree-shooting (really, any kind of murder. But especially spree-shooting.)

2. Rape. (Spree-Raping, of course, would be included as a more intense variant of "Rape".)

3. Suicide.

4. Incest.

We'll stick with those for now; to keep it simple. Would you agree that these things are at least somewhat antisocial?

My question is: To what degree - and in what ways - are these SuperTaboos "Constructed/Nurtured/Environmented/Learned"? Because isn't there some tribal preindustrial society who encourages men to butt-bang their sons and everybody is kewl with that? (But, see, that isn't direct, open Violence, see. Apparently it's supposed to be pretty tender and loving. Take your son out to a nice, romantic candlelit dinner before you Lick'n'Bugger his butthole.)

In other words, Rape and Spree-Shooting are only bad because Society and the Liberal Jewrun Media tell us it's bad. If we grew up In A World where these things were the norm, we'd accept it. But aren't they kinda the norm already? No, because people still think they're bad. And they still blink eyes over them.

And it is understandable how mass murder might be considered a universal moral Wrong. I certainly would think so, and thus I would never actually do it.

My point is, I don't think it's that shameful for you to simply entertain the notion iff you have no intention of actually going through with it. Which is why I'm not so shocked by spree-shootings. This is a Natural Human Instinct. We all get it whether we'd ever admit it. Morally, Socially, though, he clearly should have resisted his temptation. Maybe it was Teh Medz.

Didja hear about the young man who dressed up as A BREATHALYZER for Halloween and was then given a DUI for driving with a .15? He's now remorseful for his crime and worries that it may prevent him from reaching his CollegeCareer Goals of becoming A Nurse. Which, actually, it probably will. Nothing left for him but construction, landscaping, restaurants, and more DUIs, I guess. Wonder what kinda Women he's gonna pull for the rest of his pointless, useless, meaningless life.

Mark Your Calendars. On Nov 19 I'm gonna be a Once Again Legally Licensed-to-Drive Maniac. I am going str8 to the movie theatre to see "Antichrist" and "Paranormal Activity." Be there!

I was walking around thinking, like I often do, when I had a Light Bulb Moment: Do You know who actually gets hookers? Ugly Old Men! When you're a decent-looking Young Man, you have absolutely no need for hookers! You just use average, young, attractive trogettes for Your Needs! NSA Hook-Up Action! You only have to switch to Hookers when you're Old and Wrinkled and Fat and Flabby and Nasty!

So here is another Call to my Loyal Readerdom: please put me in contact with those people you know who are just simply "kinda slutty." "Gives it up real easy." I want to "talk" to them. But seriously. It would be really straightforward and really real and economical and ulterior-motive free, and maybe even a little fun. I would use 100% solid protection and I would absolutely never call them or godforbid want to hang out with them. Fuck no. Just slam bam thank ya ma'am, with no complications whatsoever. And then afterwards, they could go to the mall and hoot and chortle and wheeze and mouth-breathe and scratch themselves and buy $1,000 AssJeans and $2,000 Invisible Thongs, and I could sit proudly alone in peaceful solitude in my room playing Dragon Quest, so happy I'm not at the mall. You know this is not a bad idea.

So: Send me your Sluts. I'm being serious here. I'm gonna put this in the "Classifieds" at the end of Every Sibhod until it actually happens. And then I will write about it. Note: because this is intended to be a win-win situation, I won't even verbally abuse the Slut(s) on the Sibhod. I don't verbally abuse people who do me favours. Come On. Unethical. I would be friendly, accommodating, and noncreepy (within reason) before, during and after the actual casual sex act. Come on. It's not as bad as being Raped. Unless, of course You like that kind of thing. I can be a Real Hard Man, too.

I printed out the Top 100 of Fortune 500 Companies. Gonna get me a J.O.B. with Rite Aid Corporate, baby. Unless they refuse to hire Convicted Criminals.

If I ran a High School, I would design the curriculum so that every class prepared the students to Succeed in the Real World after graduation. Trimming the fat. There would be nothing useless in there. No Art. No English. No "Humanities." Just Hard Sciences, Math, Engineering, and Business. And Writing. You need to know how to write. But you don't need stupid fucking Fagriel Fartcia Fartgquez and Faglan Fagndera and Fagve Faggers to teach you how to write. There'd also be some stuff there on how to Communicate Effectively and Manipulate People, and maybe even some Dating and Intimate Relationships classes as well. Just simply teach the kids everything they need to know to Succeed In Life, and put them on a Straightforward Path to Success. Maybe some Personal Finance and Health classes, why not; we want people to be financially and physically healthy. And another class to teach Trogs not to breed Troglets they can't raise up to be productive members of Society.

It just seems like too much trouble to get an old-ass obsolete system like the N64 or Gamecube or the Ps1. But there are some great games there. They should make the newest systems 100% backwards-compatible. Doesn't Wii and/or XBoxlive do something like that, where you can download "ports" of the older generations of games?

Yeah, you can of course download ROMs for your computer and play Final Fantasy 3 and Chrono Trigger and all that shit, but sometimes getting the ROMs to play just does not work. It's a pain in the fucking ass. Can't You just play Final Fantasy 3 and Dragon Warrior 3 on your godsdamn XBox360, maybe with some more-colourful-than-8bit graphics?

Is the game "The Sims" any good? For the Ps2 I would pry be getting the Sims 2. But I won't if it supposedly sucks total balls.

Okay, I guess you cannot compare Suicide to Spree-Murder and Rape, because the violence of Suicide is not Other/Outwardly-Targeted. If I had to take anything off that list, it would hence be Suicide. And Incest. (Incest never really belonged there in the first place.) (Although these things are still pretty damned Taboo, though, you must agree.)

The strongest argument against suicide is that it makes things notoriously unpleasant for the "Survivors" of suicide - i.e., the family and friends of the suicide. The suicider causes them tremendous psychological/emotional Violence, if You will.

Of course, I like making jokes out of all these Supertaboo Topics. Imagine, if you will, the Biggest Loser On The Planet. A Privileged White Narcissistic Pitiful Attention-Seeker. He uses Twitter or a Bulletin or something to message all his friends: "Hello all my friends, just wanted to let you kow, I'm pry going to End It All. Here are my [valid] reasons for wanting to do so:

1. My life is going nowhere and I am helpless to change it

2. that is discouraging

3. I'm too pathetic and gay and weak and lame and beta for the Attractive Gender to like me blablalbablablabla"

And he expects everyone to be all worried, like "NOOOO! Give life a chance! Call a crisis line! Get professional help!"

But instead, there's largely No Response Whatsoever, and the few responses he does get are dispassionately, straightforwardly suicide-enouraging: "Yeah, you do present a rational, valid case for suicide. It sounds like you've thought this through thoroughly, so, suicide does sound like it'd be a good decision for you. Good luck, and good-bye."

And in the end he kills himself. Or tries to kill himself but fails miserably like that one kid who shot himself in the face with a shotgun because he thought Judas Priest told him to, so he was nightmarishly hideous, and then ended up eventually successfully blowing his brains out with the shotgun several years later.

Great sketch comedy here. Waaaay too "Edgy" for the Edgy Educated Hipsters.

Tangent: iMean: The Judas Priest kid looks exactly like you'd imagine a guy who shot himself in the face with a shotgun would look. Except worse. It's kind of like that infamous "NoFace" guy who used to wander around AnnArb/Ypsi. I won't even post a picture of the kid's face because even I don't want to make that much light of it. Although I'd recommend you look him up if you're at all curious. Google James Vance judas priest reno nevada suicide etc.

You have GOT to see that movie "Dream Deceivers." A pretty good doc on that case. I'm surprised it's not more Hyped-Up. They used to play it on IFC all the time way back in the day. It's semiironic, because Judas Priest is the Least "Depressive/Suicidal" Heavy Metal band as it gets; in fact, they're rather Uplifting. And you don't see people sueing openly-suicide-worshipping bands like Shining. Wot gives?

I have to say really douchebaggy assholish things because I don't have a big enough body to be a Physically Imposing Douchebag/Asshole.

I ate some Olga's Kitchen. It was the worlds biggest ripoff. I paid 9 dollars for an "Olga's Original" which I ate in three bites. It was a decent sandwich, albeit ridiculously overpriced. I might as well have just went to zingerman's or something. (to be fair, this 9 dollars included the tip I gave to the person for "curbside pickup", but still. If I get hosed on food like this, I tend to just sigh, promise never to do it again, and I leave it Off the spreadsheet. If you put stuff like this on the spreadsheet it gets too discouraging to keep doing the spreadsheet.

I've got to wonder Why I dislike socializing so much. I'll make small talk for a few minutes, but a few minutes is enough for me. Maybe it could be that, being a Classic Introvert, I just don't Want a Lot of friends, and however many I have already is enough for me. Strangely enough, though, there's still definitely A Want for Non-Platonic Lady-Companionship, though. Is that even a valid Want to have in this day and age? Or am I just that Socially Conservative?

Today was a beautiful day. Probably the last Real Nice day of the year. There was a Veterinary Student Fair at the school, and they had some animal-related stuff going on. The most exciting thing for me was, they set up a little pen with some llamas. I well got-off on the Llamas. They were my kind of animal. They're about as retarded as dogs or cows, but they are friendly, fluffy, and chillaxed. (I do like cats, but I am not a Cat Obsessor. I am annoyed by Cat Obsessors, and I am annoyed when cats [often] act like Assholes.) But I do like Doglike Cats, i.e., Friendly and Cuddly Cats.

You might suggest that I get a Pet to take the edge off The Loneliness, like they suggest for those Seniors at the Threshold Of Death; but the fact is, I don't want the responsibility and cost of taking care of an animal right now. That would annihilate the spreadsheet. But I could totally see myself getting a pet someday when I'm more financially stable. If Convicted Criminals can ever get financially stable, and get a good job and a nice pet.

Well, at least now that I'm a Convicted Criminal, I am a total Fur Magnet for Libraryey Women.

My point before I went-off on that tangent (I've been going-off on a lot of tangents lately) was that the Llamas were pretty chill. Stupid, but chill. As long as they don't bite me and ruin all my clothes, I'm fine with them being Stupid. Owning and taking Care of a Llama, though, would incur untold Costs.

My stupid local Journal Register newspaper ran this story in the "US" section the other day about a man in SC who was convicted of boning a Horse. "Buggery", they called it, not "bestiality." Either way, he had been caught doing it once before, and then the horse's owner set up surveillance cameras and caught him in the act this time. Apparently the horse had got some kind of infection as a result. Apparently the case was the cause of a considerable amount of local ridicule, because bestiality is always funny. Kind of a sad story, though. Both for the horse and the man caught buggering it. Because you could tell that he really did care for the horse. But his physical love for the horse was deemed illegal. I'm guessing he probably would have Bought a horse of his Own to Own, Bone'n'Luv, but he was personally rather financially disadvantaged.

Neil Y and Crazy H's "Live At The Fillmore 1970" (sorta recently officially-released from Neil's "Vaults") is an outstanding live record, especially for anyone who has the slightest bit of nostalgia for their classic Desert Island Album "Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere." That album Darn Near defined an entire era in my life, and Fillmore is like listening to Part 2.0. The instruments sound almost exactly the same, except "live-er". The Talbot/Molina rhythm section is even more ridiculous than that studio album suggested. Danny Whitten was at his pre-heroin best. There has never been, nor will there ever be another album like "Nowhere", and this live show perfectly captures Crazy Horse when they were at the peak of That Special, Once-in-A-Lifetime Sound.

Also, "Dragon Quest VIII" has an outstanding soundtrack, composed by Koichi Sugiyama. The beauty part is, it's performed by some Philharmonic Symphony Orchestra. So it's got that whole sound going on. Phat brass and strings, bro. It's not very "experimental" or "abstract" or "out-there", but it is great, catchy times.

Initial reports of the D-town showing of Bob Dylan And His Band indicate that the show was Solid, but there were no "Surprises." I'm expected Dylannl will have it up within a few days for all Y'all who missed the actual show.

My new thing is gonna be looking for Decent Van Morrison Shows. Van Morrison was even more serious a Lover than he was of a Singer.

Classifieds:

"Antichrist" starts on Friday at Royal Oak, drive me and make 20c per mile.
Make over ten thousand US Dollars to Put In A Good Word For Me and get my Foot In The Door at your Company.
Talk to Your "Easy/Experimental" friends/relatives about the possibility of some Dramaless Fun with the Incomparable Kctmoap. Win Win. Everybody Benefits.

Have a nice Sunday, Monday, etc.

"GET UP OFF YO FAT ASS AN' LOSE SOME GOT DAMN WEIGHT!"

Good evening to all my Readers. I hope You are not getting hosed. Today we have "on tap" ("Ugh") nothing less than Classic Sibhod. I dedicate this post to this old friend of mine who I recently saw for the first time in forever, on the occasion of his birthday.

We all everybody knows I'm a huge stalker/creeper and that if You have a Secret Blog, chances are, I'm feeding'n'reading it. I'm real good at finding people on The Internet. Especially people I probably shouldn't be finding.

Anyway I was reading old posts on a blog of a person, whith whom I was never more than acquaintance-of-an-acquaintance - whose blog I have absolutely no business whatsoever reading. I mean really. I'd be better off reading a complete stranger's blog. But I never actually Disliked the person, and I've found myself liking their writing. Voicing the privileged white voice of the postUniv privileged white narcissist trying to "figure things out" and get along in the "big blue world".

So my point is that they are a decent writer, and there are some good concepts there, and myself being a privileged postuniv white narcissist, I could relate to some of the stuff. Not all of the stuff, mind, but more stuff than I would relate to with the Average Joe Blow. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE AVG JOE BLOW.

But really. Blogs are how I interact with the world because I don't really Go Out And Socialize.

I actually went out and "socialized" the other night. I didn't want to. I wanted to sit at home and play Dragon Quest 8 and go to bed at 10. So instead I was dragged to bars, where I drank diet cokes, smoked cigarettes, yawned, and tried not to blow my brains out. It boggles my mind how anyone ever thinks it's a good idea to meet members of "The attractive gender" at a bar.

We went to some bad bad bars, though. This one place the waitresses are instructed to dress like "sluts" with tiny skirts and tits hanging out and such. Absolutely it's trashy and sketchy and shady and filled with misogynists, and absolutely the Sluttishly-Dressed Waitresses pump big tips outta them. The girls are Fit - conventionally attractive - sure, but I have no enthusiasm for that whatsoever. I'd rather watch a Sports Game. And I don't like sports either. The whole time I smoked cigarettes and thought of DQ8.

Finally we ended up at this pool hall/bar where the Social Butterfly (who happened also to be a physically large and probably intimidating-looking Black Man) in our party made an overture to some young women, that we would join them in a few minutes at their pool table. Hard to tell, visually, what Subculture the girls were. Not hipster, not Scenester, not Overly trifling, just str8 up east side communitycollege girls. Hoodies and plaid shirts. Not Altogether unattractive. One girl started talking about how she had spent $600 on her boyfriend for Sweetest Day presents and he had not gotten her Anything, not even a Phone Call. This was "ironclad confirmation" of our prediction that All Women (r) love guys who don't treat them too great.

But really. If you go only to trashy bars and deal only with Immature Insecure Trifling Hoes, then yes, it might seem that way.

Not that the girls were altogether Trifling Hoes. They were young'n'immature more than anything. Something like 19 years old. And here were are, not a one of us under 26. God O Mighty.

The other guys started getting a little out of hand, then the girls (understandably) got a little more annoying in response, and I, sober as a judge, was just trying to Keep It Really Real, which entailed me trying to make everything less awkward by talking to myself and laughing awkwardly.

The girls were not My Type (dykey, bookish, libraryey, mousey, harelipped, web-footed prudes), but I didn't Hate them per se. I simply have no desire to talk to People in bars, let alone go to bars in the first place. This is what happens when you're an Introvert who is proud to be Too Weird to be part of any Subculture. I generally find people annoying to begin with. Unless they're one of the Friendlies I interact with On The Job.

But at A Bar?

Point is, I really got Roped into that one. This is when you know you need to be more Assertive about what you want and what you don't want.

I bought a dvd of "Buffalo 66" off ebay for $5.50, including shipping. Not bad uh?

I've been really digging those [Bob] Dylan shows lately. Which would make it kind of sucky if not a soul on earth wanted to drive me down there on Friday. I recommend the 2000 Show from Horsens, Denmark: Great setlist, great sound, AND you get that "It Factor" of the "Electricity" of a great show: the fans are loving it, and Bob Dylan And His Band seem to be feeding off that.

It's probably a bad idea to try to use playing "Tangled Up In Blue" as a way to Seduce women into Make-Out Land, uh? Have no fear, because I also recently learned to play "Stemmen Fra Taarnet" by BURZUM, which is clearly the better choice.

New Katatonia album. Just came out. Hadn't heard. So I pir8ed it. Sounds pretty decent, but I don't think anything will ever be the same as first hearing "Last Fair Deal Gone Down" in 2001.

"Shadow of the Colossus" is ....interesting. I'm fosho gonna get my 8 dollars' worth out of it, mind, but, some of those colossi are excruciating. Frustrating. The game looks like a dream, though. Very cinematic. Uncanny. You can just be running your horse through the land and just sit there admiring what you see. Terrence Malick, yeah yeah yeah.

19 days till I can drive again. I am going to be Living at the movie theatre.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't really hate EVERYBODY. I just hate people who like going out to BARS. I will never go to another bar ever again for the rest of my life. Bars can suck cocks in hell.

Privileged White Narcissist: "Wah wah waaah, why can't I be interested in /attracted to more people, why can't I like anyone, why can't anyone I like ever like me in return, why can't I get a Bigboy job, waaah waaaah waaah."

I'm gonna play DQ8 and listen to Bob D Live @ Horsens. That's a damn good Cure for The SadSads if there ever was one.

Hehheh. HORsens.

So yeah. I don't have A Thing against narcissistic bloggers. I'm one meself, how could I dislike them. Unless they're patently Bad Writers.

I sat there trying to identify my "scene:" I don't like hipsters, I don't like Scenesters, I don't like Cool Kids, I sure as hell don't like Avg White Trogs, I don't like people who go to bars; then I recalled that at one point I did sorta like going to bars. But it was for drinking "cheap" beer and definitely not for mingling with Potential New People. Hell no. Drink Lotsa "Cheap" Beer, get Drunk(r), play pool and darts with real, established Frynds, and get drunk enough to play ridiculous songs on the jukebox (i.e., gladly paying a dollar to download a 3-minute At The Gates song.)

But dem days is gone. Long gone. Somewhere along the timeline, it MrHyded into "sneak bottles of Rich'n'Rare into the bathroom stall and get ridiculously illegally drunk at bars because there's just too many people here and I'm too retarded to realize I don't like this bar and should have just stayed home." And doze days - I am glad to say - is gone also.

Let's get one thing straight. You don't just fall into a PhD. You don't back into it on accident. Especially not at a "good" school. You gotta eat live breathe that stuff. Obsession. That's why I never got a PhD, because I'm just not Obsessed about any Academic Subjects. I need a career I can "fall into." Because I know what I don't like - many things - and the things I do like do not translate into a career (see previous posts) : playing video games, blogging, making out with mouses. If they had PhDs in that, I'd be S.G.T.

Well, become a video game programmer/designer, you say. That's actually not a half-bad idea, but I should have started off by getting a BS in software or engineering or something. No fuck. I took one class of "computer programming" in high school and it sucked big ones. Although maybe, maybe, I might give it a second chance. As per the stoking of The IT Career.

There was this one person who classically said, "Is A Chicken A Bird?" Well, to that I say, "Is Video Game Design IT?"

Probably not.

I still haven't ruled out becoming a buddhist monk. Or even a Catholic Priest, for that matter.

Stereotypes stereotypes stereotypes. I think some people are more inclined to form stereotypes and think in terms of stereotypes, and I just happen to be one of those people. So I must take that extra step, when I see someone doing something semistereotypical, to remind myself, "Just because one person did one thing once does not mean that all people always do this all the time." Like "Mainstream Ultimate Fighting Trogs" making Mousey girls swoon.

Big F'n deal. Fighting is cool. I like starting shit and beating the shit out of douchebags. It makes me feel good.

I like putting off my homework that's due the next day so I can play Dragon Quest8, which I can play at anytime, because playing DQ8 is simply way more rewarding. Every time I try to do homework "Early" or "get ahead", I say, fuckit. It's just not worth it. This stuff is not Software "Engineering" anyway, and I'd much rather play DQ8.

DQ8's world is a beautiful world. The mountains, the oceans, the blue skies, the green fields. It's all very easy to look at.

For some reason I romanticize Scandinavia as a Beautiful world. I'd totally luv an RPG that took place in a world like that. Maybe I just wish I was Young Varg Vikernes running around in Bjoergvin, because right now, the outdoors is excruciating and I'd much rather play video games and look at that version of The Outdoors.

Yeah, I'm way too old and wise and mature to do a Screed Against Suburbia. I'm grateful to have a roof over my head, food on my plate, clothing, etc.

Fine. I'm just mad I don't make enough money to send my Hooker Fund skyrocketing. Not that I've ever met a hooker I liked.

Fine Fine. I'm just mad that even though we live in a chauvinistic society, you still can't go rampaging around tearing women's clothes off like in dreams. Maybe I should just make a video game re that. Set in the scenic world of Bjoergvin, of course.

Gotta love Manic Mondays. The theme of mondays is total mania.

So there's this sorrowful king in DragonQuest8 who has become my favourite video game character. He was a wise, just, competent, and well-loved king. Kind and smart and generally perfick. And his wife the Queen was just as perfect as he was, and they both enjoyed a mutual and egalitarian love affair with eachother. [I don't know if it was monogamous, but that's irrelevant; they were 50.1% satisfied with whatever their arrangement was.]

But then his wife died and he went off the deep end. Totally and inappropriately Consumed by grief. For the past two years. He made everyone in the kingdom wear black (mourning), and now he refuses to speak to visitors. He refuses to do absolutely anything except sit in his bedroom all day (refusing to eat his favourite meals, no less), and then, at night, he comes down to The Throne Room, where he throws himself in a heap at the foot of the throne, sobbing loud enough for the whole kingdom to hear. You try and talk to him and all he ever says is how his life is ruined and he misses his dead wife and and can't live without her and his Reign means nothing to him.

EASY THERE BUDDY. Ever heard of Plenty Of Fish? This guy has got OneItis, Baaad. You think she'd be carrying on like a huge beta baby if he was the one who died?

I'm a bit uncomfortable how Troggy, "Inappropriate" Women's Fashion has co-opted Women's Cancer Solidarity. That's what all this "PINK" stuff is about, pink ribbons, right? Or do all these 19-year-old women just have Cancer of their Fat Asses? It's an odd Juxtaposition of Symbols, when a "GirlsGoneWild" type Woman is wearing a supertight t-shirt saying "Support The Tatas." I don't get it. Wear a fucking potatoe sack and donate the money you would have spent on asspants to cancer research, BITCH.

Technically, I did make good on my Challenge to not talk about gender in a non-PC way for a week.

Libraries are the closest thing I have to a scene. I really should try to get into library school. What made things even more interesting is that we had a MLS student from the local univ library program doing some field work practicum type stuff. She was about my age, prob younger, and was pretty and somewhat stereotypically libraryschoolgirlish. That's a stereotype I don't really mind. I should have pry tried to get her number, but I wasn't feeling too social.

How wrong and ungodly and unnatural and moral event horizon-crossing would it be for me to combine my interest in Libraries With my interest in Capitalistic Business Entrepreneuriship, by Opening a Free-but-unfair Market For-Profit Library, essentially, transforming the library from a Public Good into a Private one, and then make loads o' money as a Librarian and then seduce tons o' [subconsciously menwithmoney-hungry] mousey librarygirls? Privatization? But I think I'm not really grasping the concept of "Public" goods so well.

I like how I start with good ideas and then take them horribly too far. That, and taking positive things and Perverting them.

Should I go to Public Policy School? Are there any non-highly selective Public Policy schools? That's my major problem: all the stuff I'm interested in is way too highly-selective for its own good. "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" as they say. Too many people get off on putting-in effort. What has become of Sloth?

I would like to play DQ8 for at least three hours today. It's real good for the soul. IN A WORLD where much is Soul-Sucking, to bring back That good ol' term.

Things I Hate: people who sell broken stuff on ebay and then you have to sift through all the broken stuff because you're looking for something that's Cheap but actually works.

20 mins of Major Pwnage, F.T.W.

Let me preface this by saying that this is in no way "complaining", because I deserve every punishment I've received. But I had to go in and "drop" urine one day, so I figured get there early so I can get in and get out. When I got there about 10 minutes before opening time, there was a line of about 10 guys waiting outside. Looks like many people had the same idea as I. Several men were talking profanely about their personal situations and how much it sucked that they could not drink, and how long they had left on their probations. Only one guy did I genuinely feel slightly sorry for, as he got a DUI for backing out of his driveway, where another driver hit him, and he blew a .1 . Or maybe it was a .01 and because it was an "accident" then .01 counts as alcohol being a "factor." At any rate, I tend not to really believe much of what some people say, so I didn't feel too bad for him. I just kept my mouth shut, since some people are very readily engaged in enthusiastic conversation. People were standing in line talking about drinking alc and smoking W and then they made jokes about the sign that said we were being audio/video recorded. 99.99% of people there looked at least slighty visibly "rough around the edges".

So when I was called to go "drop" (cringe), I was very frustrated to find out I could not produce. I'm a generally "bladder-nervous" type to begin with, and even though the huge black staff-man that often stands behind me is extremely nice and professional, having anyone around essentially stacks the deck against me.

So I was apologetic and said "maybe we should turn the faucet on next time" he was like that's fine, we'll try again in 10 minutes and turn the faucet on right away. (I'm one of THOSE guys.) So I waited and the waiting room was packed and one of the queuers was talking obnoxiously and potentially-recidivistically. Finally I went back in, turned the faucet on right away, tried really hard, and again, got only a few drops, and no-where near the 59 mL required. This time I was really frustrated and embarrassed and said "I don't know wot's the deal, could I try again tomorrow morning, because my Colour is permitted to 'drop' tomorrow morning too." And he said that's fine, that's ok, it won't count against you. (Because I would hate to go to jail just because I am bladder-nervous and The Law automatically assumes all you want to do is drink all day. Even if that stereotype is reasonably grounded in Reality, unfortunately.)

Then I drove home, cursing like a drunk sailor and saying all sorts of racist, redneck, troglodytic invective. The last thing I wanted to do was get up earlier and get there at 6:30 am and then have to be Late To Work on top of it all. When I got home and cooled-off for a minute, I decided to try again that same evening, called to make sure that was ok (it was, thank g-d, the staff there has been nothing but extremely nice and courteous, very impressive, etc) and then I drank a bunch of water, said "Balls if it's diluted, I just want to get this over with", jumped around a little bit because I thought that might jiggle some urine into my bladder, then I drove back, resuming my racist, homophobic tirade.

When I got back, the place was empty, which was great. I think having a lot of loud obnoxious people waiting around makes the bladder-nervous less likely to "drop." The staff remained friendly. I prepped myself by essentially trying to pee my pants while standing around. Just to bring it into the fore, if you will. I went into the bathroom with the nice big black man and I produced more than sufficient urine. It was pretty yellow, which my completely unscientific, irrational mind interpreted as being "not especially diluted per se." See, I ate a big salty dinner a few hours before, and I think that may have dehydrated me a little.

So anyway, I'm very glad that's over with, and I hope it's not diluted and I don't go to jail for that. Lesson learned: you gotta sincerely Prepare for the Drop, both mentally and physically, AND...don't get there at 5 o clock when there's a line of Grizzly Men talking about how they love drinking and can't wait to get off probation so they can start Drinking again. Idiots.

Also, I gotta wonder the percentage of people who go in there who are "bladder-shy". Doesn't seem like a lot. The good news is that I used to be way, way worse than I am now. There Is Indeed Hope!

I did not get to play 3 hours of DQ8, more like 1 hour. It felt kinda rushed, but it was better than nothing.

The well-known saying says "Everyone's a Little bit racist". When you're a young student, you are aghast: "Maybe that's true for Racists, but not Me!" But, in my old age, I can be confident and secure in saying, "Yes, perhaps I am a Little Racist." And that's Ok.

Actually not, but WHATEVS. I pee in a room with a huge black man, that's good enough for me.

The 19-year-old Autistic Genius Boy through whom I'm vicariously living has increasingly promising chances of getting into Umich. So I'm real happy for him. He visited the town/univ, which naturally only steeled his resolve.

Not that Ann Arbor Isn't Overrated - which it is - but I'll give it this: compared to anywhere else in Michigan, it's interesting. You cannot get bored. There is more going on in Annarb, more to see, more to do, it's definitely "the best" town in the state.

But therein lies the problem: The Bubble. The "Six Square miles, surrounded by reality" trope. You know. The Smug Bourgeoisness. Don't even make me use the J-Word. In an ideal world, there would not be such a goddam gaping abyssic disconnect between the Writerly Academic World and the rest of the state.

This is not to say I hate Annarb Townies. I've met some great, wonderful, classic Townies. I just want everyone to come from Annarb and "do time" in Warren or Stheights or Clinton Township or Waterford or Livonia or Belleville or Chesterfield or something.

Again, my frustration can all be succinctly summed up in:

"Privileged Narcissistic Little Immature White Boy Rage Over That I Have To Have Social Skills To Get By In Life And Can't Just Go Around Ripping Random Women's Clothes-Off Because I Can't Figure Out How To Get My So-Called 'Needs' Satisfied."

OR,

"I'm So Regretful For The Poor Decisions I Made In My Past. I Could Have And Should Have Done So Much More With My Godforsaken Life."

THE END.

Excuse me while I fetch my revolver.

"But how can you make a joke out of that, Classwar? You're so deep in denial it's not even funny! Now If you don't mind, I'm going to go S Ds!"

Hmm. Looks like you just responded to yourself for me.

But yeah. Whaddyagonnadoaboutit, WHITEY.

Privileged White Alcoholic Narcissist: "I Drink because of the Stress'n'Strain of 'Not Fitting In'/Anomie visavis my immediate environment. If you were me in this time and place, you'd feel like drinking too."

So yeah. I simply pat myself on the back every day I tack on to the Ol' Countup. 111 Right now. The easy thing to do is drink yourself into a stupor. Hell, it's the Rational thing to do. So you do it until you get in trouble for it and are forced not to do it anymore, and then you learn you must never do it again while you are living in this time and place.

There is a young woman with fake blond hair leaning over right by my face with her fat tan ass hanging out her pants. It has been solid for at least 5 to 10 minutes, and I can see it continuing well into the near future. Have some class, ass, or The Alpha will tear your clothes clean-off. She is wearing a jacket featuring the name of a popular local bar which she probably is a waitress at.

Nothing against waitresses. We all work for our money. I simply view it as a way of selling one's patriarchally-attractive body that is only one small step above traditional prostitution.

This bar has a great sunday-night special where you can get absolutely trashed on beer for pennies and then work off your hangover on monday morning. So the place is naturally packed with he-and-she-trogs (prob more hes than shes, it should go without saying), and drunk drivers stream out of the parking lot onto the 10-lane major road and get promptly pulled over by the cops who wait for the drunk-drivers to drunk-drive out of this place.

See, I'd always make sure there were no cops waiting whenever I drunk-drove out of the place. JESU. I am not proud to admit that I was A Part of The Problem.

So, the major point is, don't use alcohol to self-medicate; go to an MD/GP and get legimate medications. Those don't let you Escape your problems, but they May (but absolutely not definitely) help you Face them.

But slim is way better than none, no?

Just hook yourself up to Big IVs of Prozac and Valium and try to hold down a goddam Job, Al. And start a Spreadsheet so you can budget money from that job to pay enough to a[n Attractive, Young] Hooker to let you tear their clothes off like an animal. That is the entirety of the self-help book I've just authored.

25 minutes of News Hits:

Tuesday was a Big Election day. Morning Talk Show Personalities like Jay and Bill and Sarah seem to be optimistic about the revamped Detroit City Council. I cannot really comment, but it does seem like People wanted some New Blood here. And apparently Charles Pugh is a Gay. So that's good for Politics.

In Macomb County the new County Charter was passed. I'm not sure what this means, but to my understanding, it installs a new County Executive (whom detractors call "Czar") and reduces the number of County Commissioners from 26 to 13, which seems to be more widely-applauded than the Czar.

Maybe this is just my Evil Econ Instructor's Unabashed Anti-Gov't Rhetoric somehow sinking in, but my desire to one day run for Public Office is waning.

Steve Martin AND Alec Baldwin have been tapped to host the Oscars. I'm generally favourable, although it's a bit of overkill. Either one or the other would have been fine, although I do look forward to seeing them play off one another. I don't think this has actually ever happened yet. Either way, big improvement over previous years. Who'd they have before? Jimmy FALLON? Cheeeeeeeee-rist.

Men can get away with Gender Role Transgressions better than Women can (googlescholar the goddam article yrself), but, I'd argue, men are less Willing to do so than Women. Or are they? In other words, do you see more tomboyish women than girly men?

Whatever the answer, Gender Roles are Enforced on a Real Practical Everyday level within Relationships themselves. Essentially people are having inner debates: "If I don't act manly/womanly enough, my socially-conservative partner might question my 'straightness', leave me, or beat hell outta me with a stick." Not good, people.

Who came up with the "No White Clothes after Labour Day" Rule? Any rate, I think you should be able to get away with breaking this rule more often than breaking the "No Brown Shoes" rule, which actually makes Common Sense. But, is wearing a white shirt after Labour Day, for example, enough to Disqualify a man from potential suitors? No because every man and every suitor is different. At least the "mature" ones. Although it's kinda funny that I'm demanding "maturity", haha.

Astrology and Horoscopes are Stupid. They are For Personal, Private, Solitary Fun and Amusement Only. When a man ever talks to a woman about astrology (or vice-versa), both should be riddled to death with some kind of riddling-gun.

Oh Vincent Gallo. Buffalo 66 is ridiculously hilarious, while Brown Bunny is ridiculously sad (although B66 does have that huge "bittersweet" element, so you can see where Vince is coming from.) I'm just tired of waiting for that Ass Hole to make another movie already. I really should have just braved the hip artsy kids and saw his stupid artsy band at the Mocad the other year. But I really do cringe at the sound of the word "Mocad."

And why have I still not seen Harmony Korine's "Mister Lonely?" You'd think with all the hubbub about Michael Jackson these days, that movie, with its pivotal Michael Jackson character, might have received a fresh round of hype. But NoOoOo.

There's Nice Guy Good and Nice Guy(tm) Bad, as you all well know: the latter is the bad one - the whiny, white, privileged, narcissistic, passive-aggressive, immature crybaby who feels entitled to Stuff but never, ever Deserves stuff. (See: The difference between Entitlement and Deserving.) The former one, being Good, doesn't have many negative connotations - this is a simply a purely decent, upstanding, ethical, fair, just do-gooder, with no sense of entitlement, and who justly does deserve Stuff.

The hair I'd like to split today is that this kind of NiceGuyGood also, just like NiceGuy(tm)Bad, ALSO does not receive Stuff. Bottom line: you simply have to be a Bad (Evil) Person AND be secure/straightforward in your personal sense of Evil in order to get Stuff.

I can be a huge asshole. Lately I have made great strides in becoming less of a passive-agressive Nice Guy(tm)Bad Asshole and becoming more of a Straightforward, GoodForReceivingStuff[EvenThoughThat'sObviouslyNotRemotelyFairOrJust]Asshole, but the bottom line is, I take pride in being more of a NiceGuyGood (i.e., Straightforwardly Good; saintly) than I am a BadStraightforwardAsshole. So You get the best of all worlds: I can be a Big Dick To Your Face, but, more often than not, I'ma Do The Right Thing. So I'm a Net, 50.1% Good Person. Got it? Bitch?

My point was, being Good1 is just not "good2" enough. (i.e., here, in this sentence, "good2" = "GoodFor[Unjustly]ReceivingStuff while Good1 = A Good Person.)

(I concede, it is difficult not confusing all these Semantics.)

But, In Conclusion, my end point is: you might intially think thit Good is "just not good enough," but, rationally, logically, it really factually is - you're just a Mature Good Man (let me "tm" or "r" that term right now) adrift in a Sea of Immature, Trifling H's. You Arrogant Prick.

Pull strings for me to make 11.5 Grand, drive me to Bob Dylan and Antichrist for 40 cents a mile, Have a nice Hump Day, and don't Suck Dicks.

WELCOME TO THE CHONGLE BABY

Trying to really "ride the wave" here. Bloggeurs don't choose the blogging lifestyle, it chooses us.

I had a dream last night in which I actually pooped my pants in the dream. Fortunately, I did not poop the bed.

You have not lived until you've gotten "Tea Stomach." This is a unique brand of nausea. Not altogether pleasant, although the reactionary vomit is extremely cathartic.

Holy crap. I just won a dvd of "Stroszek" for a decent price. Whaddya mean you've never heard of "Stroszek"? (Worry not, those "trog-readers" to-whom I'm talking down are merely Hypothetical.)

But Honestly. Between "Stroszek" and "Even Dwarfs Started Small," you've got my two favourite Herzogs right there. Stroszek might even trump EDSS. Weird that there's no Kinski in there, but, c.l.v. . Bruno S's "portrayal" of Stroszek is up there with anything Kinski ever did in the Memorable Roles Hall O Fame.

I like that Stroszek is a "Grower" and seems to get better every time you watch it. Or maybe that's just what I say to myself to try to justify spending $6 on it.

Oh yeah. Another thing about Trifling H's is, they like to go tanning a lot. Parts of their body that should never be tan are very often tan.

Trifling H's also have this cold, clinical, razorbladeish "control" over their emotions that suggests sociopathy. Example: they could give their own mothers cancer, and not lose any sleep over it. And then act like that's completely normal. Just turn everything off. Shut Everything Down.

Yep. Mornings. I need to drink a bucket of coffee, a bucket of tea, eat breakfast, AND wait at least 2 and a half hours before I'm functionally awake. And then 4 hours after that I still wanna take a big nap. I should really see a dr about this.

While Alcoholics will always be My Favourite Addicts, now that I've passed the 100-day Mark, I'm starting to see how they can also be Really Hard To Handle. Unless You're drinking too. Which really means I need to make actual sincere amends to a few people. Well, the "good news" about the "amends step" is that you don't actually have to make amends if doing so would be too damn awkward or counterproductive. As far as my interpretation of the steps goes.

At any rate, I feel bad about exploiting my friends' houses and using them as my own personal flophouse. How do you "make amends" for that?

By keeping to the straight and narrow, I suppose, and that has been working out pretty well.

I should probably get married to David Duchovny. I heard he's an Sex addict too.

Tivo! That's what I need to add to My Spreadsheet!

Big Accounting Exam ("Opportunity") tomorrow. Accounting isn't so much "Hard" as it is "Ridiculous"; and it is kind of impossible to be a Real Good, Inspiring Accounting Teacher. It seems the best you can do is simply have a Good Attitude. This is a rule of thumb that seems to work for most Kinds of Teachers, in fact. If more teachers had good attitudes and weren't Obnoxious Bitches, this world would be a better, and better-educated, place.

Also, my accounting textbook is written/arranged in a fashion that seems deliberately confusing. It's all clown shoes. And the author has like a phd in accounting (!!!) and is Prof Emeritus @ Stanford. No, not Stanford Community College, wiseguy. Yet the book is almost incomprehensible.

"They say" (what is that, a "weasel statement", when you're too lazy to lookup references) that the founding mission of The Community College is to be "The Great Equalizer", and allow low-income, underserved, disadvantaged, nontraditional students a chance at maybe eventually getting a 4-yr degree. But then "they" trot out the statistics that a vast majority of CC Students never end up getting that degree (Or even a 2-year degree, for that matter). And that Administrators are faced with Stone Cold Obvious Truths every day which they do not, or cannot respond to: Re: they cannot supply the increasing number of services (variety/number of courses; educational resources - tutoring, libraries, counseling, etc) demanded by the always-increasing number of students.

I just noticed a book with the delightful name of "Second Best" which suggested that the Real function of CCs was to be a "cooling-down filter", in which students with "upwardly mobile" career/educational goals are molded to become "more realistic", lower their sights, and thus not become a Social Problem. (Like what? Disgruntled, Underemployed Alcoholics? Abusive spouses and fathers? Child molesters?) The book was real old. But it made me think.

I want to get married to some Dumb Cow and have kids with her just so I can then complain about her being Boring and Dumb and finally conclude by saying

"Well, if I hadn't been there to knock 'er up, some complete fuckin' loser would have, so she really didn't do too bad. Because women are idiots and they're just gonna get pregnant anyhow, so the babydaddy ideally better be a decent man."

But it is funny. How all the Loser Girls I went to grade school with, for example, all have several kids now. Even the Fugly Loser Girls. Especially the Fugly Loser girls!

All Women (r) will Just Get Preggers! They Just don't know any better!

But seriously, folks. It's a not-so-complicated, but tragic Intersection of the Socioeconomic and the Personal and the Political and the Education(al Opportunities and Attainment.) Disadvantaged Homes serve as Breeding/Enabling grounds for SocioEconomicEducational Failure, and with no way out, no way to "Break The Cycle." Simple as that. All nurture, no nature, baby, except you can't change the family you're born into without a SuperDecent amount of effort.

I could take a big nap just about every monday. This is a real tuff day to get anything done. One demands absurd amounts of caffeine.

I love overachieving college students that boast about how much caffeine they are able to - nay, they NEED TO - consume. Like this one guy I heard of that regularly drank at least a Gallon of coffee every day. "Sleep is a luxury I don't have time for." GOOD FOR YOU!!

Almost as hilarious are College Students that Vocally Fetishize "Sleeping" or "Napping" by including them in their top 3 interests on Facebook.

Full Disclosure: I clearly fetishize sleeping/napping myself. I just wanted to point out how stupid Facebook is. If you want to be a goddam exhibitionist, don't pussyfoot around. Sext me your ass, OR write a regularly-posted Blog. Don't write a Facebook saying how your Interests include napping.

The real funnyironic thing is, by the time I'm actually able to afford A Hooker, I probably will have Achieved Some Action by Legitimate Means. Jury's still out over whether or not it (LegitMeansAction) would actually be Worth It, though. Would I Have Preferred A Hooker?

Lady Gaga has been a pretty popular topic with The Ladies. Herself being a very visible, rather provocative/controversial Lady. I like Famous Women that really Play with or even Bend Gender and people's expectations therewith. And I like seeing how Female Feminists "Unpack" things versus Nonfeminist Females who might view things as either "kewl" or "wack."

But that's really patronizing on my part, to assume that I'm the Big Educated Feminist and that Normal Trifling Women just don't think about Gender. Don't you think that women - because they are women - pretty much are forced to confront The Idea of Gender? And that I'll never know the experience of Being A Woman, so I cannot put words in their mouths? (refraining from making the obvious "horrible" joke, hahahahaha)

While I was growing up as a Weird Little Boy, I thought it was weird that Boys and Girls were so Damned Different. Because they obviously were. They looked hella different, and they Acted even More different. They were both obnoxious, but in different - "gendered" - ways. As a Misfit Boy, it became clear that Cool Boys were "friends with" Girls, or had "Girlfriends." I had a hard time getting along with anybody, except other Misfit Boys. Interestingly enough, We Misfit Boys didn't get along with the Misfit Girls. We just made fun of them because they were ugly or smelly or fat or had speech impediments or shabby clothes or were ridiculously unjizzonable. It never explicitly occurred to us that Feminine Attractiveness was a Currency, but we sorta felt the effects of not Possessing that currency.

The real bad part is men very often go their whole lives without understanding the dynamics of power and control as per the "valuation" of this "currency." Men don't take the step back and think "wow, it's totally fucked up that Attractive Women are considered a commodity you possess, like money." They just simply say "Dayumn I's mad I ain't gettin hawt enough ass."

At that young age, I was like "Damn. Why can't people be more Straightforward?"

But I'm now paying the Karmic Piper, you see, because I never jumped in to stop the other Misfit Boys from making fun of the Misfit Girls. That little subtelty was completely lost on me at the time. I probably even made fun of these girls a little bit too. (But in my defense, I never really got-off on the same Sadistic Pleasure as some of the other kids. I thought "Dayumn, yeah she's smelly and ugly but do you really have to be THAT mean? You wouldn't like it if YOU were born with that godforsaken body/life!!" But I was too much of a damn coward to say/do anything about it.

So I never liked really girly girls or really manly men.

Not that I'm a Cross-Dresser or anything.

I saw this great episode of Degrassi last night where the semi-frumpy latina girl raised some eyebrows by wearing "low rise" jeans to school with a huge obvious "whale tail" of a thong popping out. This had to be like 7 or 8 years ago when that stuff was actually a controversy. So now it seems reallllly outdated. The best was when she got around the "visible underwear" prohibiton by not wearing any underwear the next day, and when she dropped something on the floor and Stooped Down to pick it up, all the boys in the room leaned over to look at her spanish ass. Literally. The shot was framed so as to emphasize all the boys leaning over. And then the pathetic Nice Guy who was In Oneitis Pedestal Luv with the girl caused a distraction so the other boys did not see the girl's anus.

Come on. Nowadays, We all see 6,000,000 girls' bare asses a day. I used to see 6,000,000 rich jewish girls' bare asses a day when I went to University.

So I really don't see why all the guys were making a big deal out of leaning over, like they'd never seen a girl's arse before, like they weren't getting Assction between class anyway.

So I found the episode really Quaint and Endearing. Nostalgaic days of Innocence kind of thing. Just goes to show ya, "TV Is Not Real Life!"

I'm totally on the Autistic Spectrum. I am An Absolutely Autistic Man. I should just get an official Diagnosis already; it would make explaining things a hell of a lot easier. The thing to remember, though, is that I have have High Functioning Autism, and It's really actually relatively Weak Autism compared to most Austistics I've seen. I took an online test and I fell a little beneath the minimum Autistic cutoff. But still. It's close enough to make a damn difference in the Workaday Real World.

I don't think they prescribe Meds for Autism, because They don't view it as a Disorder. Unless You're Really Low-Functioning.

Hahah. I wonder how All Women actually feel about me always characterizing All Women as Sex-Addicted Sex Maniacs who are utterly controlled by their insatiable Sexual Appetites. Beady-eyed, Lip-Smacking Sex Monsters. Because that sounds just a little bit like Prejudiced Propaganda. OR DOES IT???!!!

Don't They put a lot of people in jail simply because people don't have the money to pay legal/court/related fees associated with restitution, Probation, etc. But aren't jails overcrowded anyway? Or is that just State and Federal Prisons? Listen to the music of the World's Smallest Violin playing for the Poor Overpunished Drunk Drivers. Meh. There's never any winners. "Legal" expenses are only exacerbating my desire to get a Bigboy job, though. Having trouble finding one of those, though.

Might as well just Do The Right Thing and become an Occupational Therapist already. I don't know why I ever sneered at OTs before. There's some nice people there.

Getajob getajob getajobjobjob. If you don't have a job or a good enough job, you're doing something wrong andor you're not trying hard enough. You're not showing enough initiative. The jobs are waiting to be taken by those who want them badly enough. The unemployment rate of 15.3% is a red herring if there ever was one. Those people are simply "in-between jobs" anyway and will soon be employed again. Will You be among them? Or are you gonna sit there and feel sorry for yourself because nobody likes a whiner?

The Tether place had operating hours for like 14 hours a day. The Drug'n'Alcohol Testing facility has operating hours for 5 and a half hours per day. But they have 10 times the number of offices. And probably ten times the number of "clients", because you'd figure that more people are getting tested than getting tethers. I'm just angry on behalf all the first-time offenders who need to miss work andor school in order to drop everything and go get tested. Or who drop a false positive because they used hand sanitizer or were scrubbing shit out of shitters with a cleaning agent that contained alcohol. And then got fired because they had to cut out of work early too many times to go "Drop." I also don't like the term "drop" and don't believe the "legitimacy" of this term should be reinforced by members of The Law.

Waah waah waah. We criminals get what we deserve.

Holy crap. I'm getting so much stuff off ebay that the other day I got 2 things in the mail: Shadow of the Colossus (ps2) and a nice hardcover of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban." F Yeah!

I was happy to see an old friend I hadn't seen in forever the other day. So I dedicate this Sibhod to him gratefully. So we played some "bowling" and now my arms and legs are sore as hale because apparently my form was not ideal.

I used Flashcards to prepare for my Accounting exam. I feel semi confident. So now I can tell you that the "rate of return on assets" is (Net Income PLUS Interest Expense) over Total Assets. Or is it Average Net Assets. Or is it current assets. I would not really want to be an accountant. But they make pretty good money though.

I'm angry at the world because a bachelors degree in Business Admin is not sufficient to keep young men (and women) from being laid off; is not sufficient in helping them get a new job. So wtf am I doing even LOOKING at a business degree? Good thing I haven't gone too far down this godforsaken path.

When I feel anxious andor lonely, I just take deep breaths and tell myself, "It's alright, Classwar, if You ever get stuck with some Lame Broad, you can always Cheat on her. Don't Commit to Shit!"

Talk about getting ahead of oneself!

Parents who Home-school are Definition usually pretty passionate in their belief that Homeschooling is Superior to Public Schooling; that's why they do it. And then there's controversy that 10 year old kids don't know how to read because their home-school "curriculum" is not regulated/standardized, and kids go off learning whatever they're Interested in.

So I stopped and thought about that awhile. Interest never really entered the picture for me. I always did well in school, but I can remember being there in 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th grade, saying "this is Laaaaaame." 11th grade, etc. And now I get Those Days where I seem ambitionless, careerless, interestless, and all I want to do is play video games and make-out with dykey prudes and never get a Bigboy Job. Like I just Gave Up at some point long ago.

But that's Disqualifying the Positive, of course. I have plenty of interests: like playing video games and making-out with dykey prudes. Hahahaha. But seriously. I'm a Social Scientist; I'm just passing through a Hard Sciences World.

Watch out! Autistic Man Comin' Through!

Though I'm not sure there's too many Autistic Men who are Not into the Hard Sciences.

Come on now. I might take a Hard Sciences class in the near future! Get up off me!

I gotta really block out an hour or two and tear into Shadow of the Colossus. Especially before God Of War 2 arrives! I gotta take the power back.

My econ instructor is clearly not a happy man. He's almost certainly unhappily unmarried or divorced. He clearly needs some sort of psychological counseling and/or medication. But he's waaaay too goddam stubborn to ever get with that. So he'll just continue being a huge prick. I'd feel more bad for him if he weren't such a huge prick.

What's the easiest-relative-to-most-payingest and most stable Medical Tech career there is?? Radiation? Sure as hell ain't Pharmacy tech. Physical Therapy? OT? Vet tech? Medical Assistant? Clinical Lab Tech? I don't give a shit, as long as it pays. And it stays.

I'm one of those people that just gets mad watching tv. I went off on a ridiculous misogynistic tirade while watching that Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sandwiches commerical where the Low-Energy woman is wearing a big blue rainbow costume: "Oh, Sure, lady! Whine and Bitch And Moan because you love the man's attention and you want him to give you everything for free!"

It's just a goddam Commercial!!!

I seem to do my "best" writing between 7:25am and 7:55 am.

Had the first Real Weird dream in a while. I blame the spicy buffalo wings in the evening. So I was in a room with a lot of young people. I ended up "cuddling" with this beautiful little light-skinned Black girl who looked sort of like Rihanna. She kept getting up and mingling throughout the room and coming back. wtf, I wondered. Apparently I was raging drunk at this time (in the dream) and my parents were there, too, appalled at me being drunk and cuddling with this girl. Turns out, I wasn't actually just cuddling her, I was straight-up BONING her. I only found this out when she got up to mingle again and I first discovered my C slipping out of her body, covered in shiny ooze. "wtf", I thought again. A young man across the room started getting very emo. Apparently this was the girl's "BF" and he was upset that she was "cheating" on him with me. Ok. I ended up boning/cuddling the girl once more, the one and only time I was fully aware of what was really happening. Then she got up and left altogether.

Then a huge scandal started. I walked out the door with my parents and there was a literally Parade of Protesters claiming that I Raped the girl and that I was a Bad Man. Like, many city blocks filled with people with picket signs and such. People booing and jeering and hissing at me as I walked silently behind my mother. We went into this closed room which was some kind of "closed" press conference or maybe a legal deposition, which was the only time I saw the girl again. We were there with our families and Attorneys, and I had to sign some papers. As I was signing, somehow we discovered that I was basically confessing to Rape. So I was kinda getting screwed, because I was admitting to something I didn't do. Let me emphasize that she was being rather enthusiastic and joyful every time she came over to me. There was nothing Rapelike about it.

And then the scandal just got even worse when it came out that I had admitted my "guilt." I remember at one point in the dream I said, "Wouldn't it be great if this was really just a dream and then I woke up, and none of this ever happened?" And then someone else said, "Yeah you wish. There's no way this is not actually happening." But I still had an inkling that it was a dream.

So I was happy that I was right about that. Still, it was a weird-ass fucking dream that I would have preferred not to have.

My ultimate Discussion Question: Can you have a Subconsciously Coerced Initiation? That is to say, can a woman Initiate sex she really doesn't want? Deep down inside? I say yes. But I don't think that counts as Rape, because, as far as both parties are concerned during the act, there is consent. Legal consent at least. This is more an issue of hindsight/regrets than anything.

Did I mention I don't like that the term "drop" is used to indicate "urine test"? Everybody says it: the law, the testers, the paperwork of the testers. Something about it sounds very "street-slang"ish and "criminally stigmatized." Just say "urine test" or "drug test" or "piss test."

Lifelover went ahead and got a real drummer. I think this aids their sound significantly. Nothing against drum machines, but I think they should have really pushed the drum machine to the "danceable" max rather than keeping them so humdrum. Real Drummer Is Better Fit for them.

Got an A on my First Econ exam. Just took an Acct exam the other day and I feel like I got an A on that too.

Since I'm not really "passionate" for career paths per se, my goal right now is to take the Widest Net of classes in the most Diverse Fields and get As in them. I've been doing disproportionately more Biz classes recently, and I would like to step up stuff in "Health Care" (which is broad of course and covers 218 different fields) and "IT" (ditto) and "Engineering" (Ibid.) You know. Useful, Pragmatic, Get-A-Job type stuff.

I should really give my new resume a Floor-Run, too. See how it plays.

Radio Talk show hosts: What do you do when your lady-friend wants to dress like "A Slut" for Halloween?

Do you say, "Well, 'A Slut' is a Patriarchal Slut-Shaming term, sluts don't really factually exist, so go ahead, show the world your J-splatteredness"

(Ok, the obvious mainstream cultural script we're supposed to follow says the man busts out his Pimp Hand. EZ Decision.)

But Me, Mr. Post-Gender, would say,

"Baby, dress however you want. I think it's not-flattering, but if you like the attention of dudes staring at your 'sexy body', that's your choice. That's on you. I could be all controlling but what good would that do. I'm disappointed, though, I'll tell you that, and I was hoping you wouldn't get-off so much on dressing like an obvious trifling Ho. But hey. Looks like were learned a few important things about each other."

And so then I would bone other broads and she would get-off on dressing like a trifling ho, end of story. Probably she'd be disappointed by me not "calling her bluff" and at least making an overture at being upset and controlling, because there should probably be stupid, immature arguments about everything.

I was reading a Body Language book that totally came out and said that Attraction is fundamentally rooted in accentuating the physical gender differences. This signals "Availability." But because I tend to think every woman is a whore, Mere Availability looks like Whorishness to me.

Everybody has their own Subjective Definitions of Whorish-Looking vs Available-Looking. And we could very powerfully argue that many people do not dress significantly differently depending on whether they are available for not. Perhaps this book was written largely to "shift units". Give the masses what they want to read. Which, sometimes, is not entirely rational or even realistic.

Seeing as I like a good challenge, I'ma challenge myself Sibhodinally by taking a "timeout" of at least a week on writing anything Misogynistic: Ironical or otherwise. I might even stay away from dicussing Gender and Stereotypes altogether. Which might make the Sibhod more boring, albeit, much more "Normal." Fact is, I'm not That big of a psychopath IRL.

While somewhat socially engaged with a person who knows my subject material, I made the profound point that "Good Morals Always Trump Stretched Buttholes," i.e., I might talk about Stretched Buttholes all day, but what I actually Look For in my Associates is a good set of morals. Not that stretching your butthole out is in any way Immoral, but, uh, most people who actively Do that activity don't really gel with my idea of ideal morals.

Hmm. That would be an example of me not rising to the Challenge I set for myself two paragraphs above. Ok. Starting Now.

After at least 5 solid years of hand-rolling My Smokes, I've finally Sold Out and got a Machine. A Tubing Machine, mind, which nicely stuffs the tobacco into the "Tube", i.e., Filter+Paper. This creates cigarettes which are both Legit-Looking And Legit-Longer-Lasting. Because I finally got tired of smoking cigarettes that looked like Doobies and which didn't contain the amount of Tobacco I desired. The purchase did not break the bank, and I look forward to Seeing How It Goes.

I Accomplished an Action recently that involved a little bit of "Sacking Up", and I found myself satisfied'n'pleased with the results. So, all-in-all, it's (actually?) been a pretty good week.

Lifelover might be converting me over to the Fan-of-EPs crowd. I guess I lumped EPs into the "trifling, insignificant, why don't you record a whole damn album" category, But... following my current "Everything Is Economical" Tip, it only makes sense that the EP can pack more Music Economy than an LP. Eg, a fully solid EP vs a LP with any "filler". Fuck filler up its stupid ass.

Well I was trying to find a good picture of Stroszek to put here, but all the shit's out there tired and weak.

Have a nice Hump Day, and don't forget about me wanting to give you thousands of dollars worth of money. I think that has been slipping some minds lately. I am also still accepting applications for the upcoming Bob Dylan and Antichrist Events mentioned earlier.